Diabetes
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I once knew a diabetic. Tasted a little bit like roast duck.”
“Diabetes is a terrible disease and i feel sorry for everyone who has it, except Nick Jonas.”
~ The American Diabetes Association on Diabetes
“If you have diabeetus, call Liberty Medical! They can help you live a better life.”
~ Wilford Brimley on Diabetes
“My mom told me that i have diabetes because im so fat and smelly and i fart a lot. ”
~ Evan Stott on Diabetes
“Diabetes is a myth. It is nothing but a lie made up by doctors and dentists who want all the sugar to themselves. ”
~ L Lawliet on Diabetes
A funny disease that makes you eat cupcakes and makes you more intelligent. Recommended for Americans, as it is also known to have a weight-loss effect.
Type 1 (There's more than one TYPE???) diabetics are the sexiest type, but also the most slutty... Diabetes makes these types sexier and they are the best people around... "I got the diabetes and fucking rock" is their war cry... Another popular war cry is "I'm diabetic and sexy, lets make babies..." But by far the most popular is, "Yes, that is an insulin pump. Now take off your clothes."
Contents |
[edit] Causes
Diabetes, and its advanced state The 'Beetus, is very popular in Eastern Spain and Eastern Russia. The disease is caused by a chemical imbalance that occurs when the brain is unable to process sugar. In some cases, pedophilia may also cause it, this is how B.B. King contracted it. Rarer still causes include chronic masturbation, intelligence, eating babies (low in sugar), and talking to Mexicans. In mild cases, its effects can be mitigated by diet, although in major cases requires the daily injection of heroin. In America, diabetics are typically viewed as mentally retarded and placed in mental institutions, where they typically eat one another, until an Alpha Diabetic is established. In other parts of the world, diabetics are generally left alone, not bothered by the government. This is another reason why America sucks.
There are several types of diabetes but seeing as you aren't very intelligent (unless you have diabetes, in which case you are busy eating Nelson Mandela, or watching Deal or No Deal its like u can see through my eyes ), we are only going to tell you about two of them (that's the number after one). When mothers use drugs during their pregnancies, their children always get Type I. Type I can also be caused by the patient's pancreas being a pussy. Type II diabetes is caused by unprotected sex. This type of diabetes is highly communicable and contagious. It has also been established that unprotected sex, as well as other things, makes you fat.
A type of type 2 diabetes is gestational diabetes. This is where pregnant women develop diabetes due to the unborn baby getting hungry and eating away at the pancreas (the insulin making bit). Children of women with gestational diabetes tend to be violent little shits who like to nibble other childrens ears. This is believed to be due to the unbalance of hormones throughout their early years.
[edit] Effects on the Body
Diabetes has many comical effects on the body. Typically it causes a person to contract either Communititis, a feeling of agreement with Communism, or in rarer cases, Nationalsocialititus. It may also cause a nasty rash, diarrhea, and, in extreme cases, leprosy. Diabetics have four penises, which monitor bloodsugar. This disease is the number-one cause of the unfortunate disease of pedophiliosis, which involves a slow and painful process in which one eventually exactly resembles Michael Jackson. Diabetes can also cause people to foam at the mouth, threatening to eat anyone or anything in sight, until tranquilized with slightly less than the lethal level (Still not enough to bring down Humphrey Bogart). If tranquilizers are unavailable, consider yourself screwed, and just curl into the fetal position. The evil diabetic might just take sympathy, and only eat your leg, but of course, it'll have to add a 5 pound bag of sugar, because without sugar, diabetics become empty, soulless beings, sorta like zombies, but not really. Diabetics have also been known to give harder sex. This is due to their complete loss of feeling in the ding. Despite the loss of feeling, their dings never stop growing.
[edit] Solution?
Obviously, diabetes is caused by unprotected sex. So, everyone should just stop having sex. Or everyone could just use a condom and wear a gasmask (to prevent from catching Type 2 from those infected) and diabetes will come to an end.
The only solution to the Type I diabetes epidemic in the world is to grow some balls and stop moaning to the rest of the world because they are to lazy do try and make something of their life. Bruce Willis knows how, and since he's done it a few times, it should be a piece of cake. Although embryonic stem cell research is likely to hold a cure for type 1 diabetes, Republicans have blocked measures to pass funding due to fear of an outbreak of diabetic huffing. Once the BILE living in a diabetics pancreas has been destroyed, they may be huffed with relative safety. Condom use is, however, still advised. Sugar Vegans should also stop asking people for money; they say they will have a seizure and die, if this is true pls do not give them money. that way we will be solving the diabetes problems.
[edit] Nicknames
Traditional nicknames are diabetesman, Johnny Brezonick, diabetic sloth, sugar nigger, stupid diabetic, and sugar vegan. Tristan is a diabetic, jellybean man, sugar free please,
