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“A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"”
“Maybe he was making Meth...”
As America was emerging from a decade of chaos and desolation due to the effects of Disney sugar and Looney Tunes there was one voice, one vision, one genius to help us all overcome our dark impulses and rejoice in the glory of the light. His name was Dexter Oniga Gucci (or the great D.O.G) This is his story.
edit The man
Dexter was born in a time beyond time reading devices (which he invented, and gave the name clocks) therefore his coming into the world can only be dated as 0:00 on the 00.00.0001, in the Dexterarian calendar. It is widely known however that his birth was before the great feeding and the great burp that commenced after the great cleansing in the great hall of light. It is also generally accepted that only a life of Dexter can cleanse one's soul and prepare one for the afterlife.
edit Parental Control
His parents were common folk, unprepared to take care of such a genius, yet they arent geniuses themselves, i mean his lab is like underneath is rug, just stand on it fags. In order to prepare them for the shock the doctor planned to stage a puppet show as indicated in the famous article Worst 100 Ways to Deliver Bad News (which Dexter invented by sheer will power). However he just got a hint that he might have AIDS in the form of a singing telegram and decided to wipe out his memory. Since then a series of misfortunational news followed all doctors that treated Dexter. This is the only reason why no doctor was able to identify Dexter's remarkable genius by the patterns of his baby drools and teeth imprints which resembled Mona Lisa and revealed DaVinci's Code. He also invented an expasion device which he tested on his mother and gave her a huge badonkadonk and knockers that would tease Dexter and any man who saw her massive jiggling rump and hooters for eternity. Though Dexter's real father is still unknown since his mother's history of bareback pornographic films leaves a window open for who his father might be, this can also explain her now OCD attitude towards cleanliness.
edit His Hellish Entrance To Science
As dexter failed to break the Guinness World Record for taking the worlds biggest dump (midgets section)Then dexter sold his soul to the devil to migrate to science. He then was looking for a machine that can make him take bigger dumps, I mean like MAMMOTH sized dumps. So he came up with the holiest thing on Earth to this day, Justin Beiber. With the help of his Justin Beiber machine he did break the guinness world record for taking the worlds biggest dump! His world record was soon broken by Miley Cyrus. Crushed, Dexter sells his sisters soul to the devil so he can become even more smarter and take revenge on mankind's worst creation, Justin Bieber.
edit Dee Dee
So basically Dexter's mom is like a UBER slut, I mean look at her big ass and lucious thighs! So Dexter's Dad isn't the father of DeeDee, I mean can something like him create something retarded like that? So anyways, dexter's mom, like the slut she is, fucked with a homeless dude across the street. And it created this monstrosity! Yes DeeDee is actually half Middle-Eastern, in one of those episode she had such a deep voice that the world was shaking, that's exactly what Mediterranean dudes can do. So anyway,
DeeDee entered a life of illegal crime and hip hop taking the alias of Double D Cups from an early age, to protect her innocent family. Encouraged by this underground movement Dexter joined several para-military organizations. His actions finally led to a revolution. After his revolution and proclamation as king, Dexter decided he wanted more and started building an underground secret facility for nuclear and chemical bombs. This facility will soon come to be known as the "Dexter's Laboratory". With the help of his sister DeeDee, Dexter prepared to lead a new revolution that would overcome all the world and establish him as king over everything.
edit The Holy War On Hip-Hop
It was now that Dexter realized the errors of his ways. He already had invented everything there was to invent in the world just so he could conquer it. Shocked by this new thesis, Dexter decided to renegate his own sister and start a holy war against the hip-hop empire.
Uncertain about what this revolution and holy war business was his parents sent him to bed without supper. Confined to his own cell-like room, Dexter found a way to mentally control the robots in his laboratory situated milions of miles away and teleport his facility within his own room. The U.S government noticed this strange laboratory movement and decided to blame a random country for possession of wet dogs and attack it.
During the early 90's Dexter's lab was a fucking big hit. The name of the great Dexter, and even though this fucker is unknown to the public, he'll soon emerge as the world's greatest OB-gene.
edit The book
After his great revolution, while confined to his room Dexter wrote his autobiography entitled Mein Knackwurst. The book will probably hit the libraries next summer and is already a predicted best- seller. Here is a most thriling paragraph from his latest chapter intitled "I understand".
"I have understood my love for science can be compared with nothing as common and humane as what you wear mortals call love. What you call love is for me only an appetizer to the great three course feast that is my life dedicated to the science of understanding. For it is understanding not science itself that made me understand that I understand the science of understanding more than I understand the science of not understanding. And thus I understand. I understand and that is why I can compare my understanding with the meal, the source of life and energy for all creatures, those understanding and not understanding alike in their understanding of the need for understanding. Do you understand?"
Steven Spielberg will also produce a movie based on Dexter's book, however Dexter will be played by a gigantic T-Rex and Dee Dee. by a little alien who wants to order a pizza.
edit Johnny Testicles
That really smelly cartoon featuring the 11-year-old flaming headed kid who wears a T-shirt with a radioactivity sign lives in Lincolnshire, IL. He has a talking dog who smells really bad and genius twin sisters who are nerds, anyways. His show is a modern update from Dexter's lab, and Johnny and the kids are wearing dispoable underpants (or they're in their diapers, according to Canada and Germany). This cartoon has become popular during 2009, the year of Illinois' best-known landmarks being renovated, including the Test house. Despite how bad the rest of the planet wishes this series would disappear from existence, it seems to continue to thrive with more episodes, each worse than the last.