Dewey, Cheatem & Howe

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“Do we, cheat him, and how!”
~ Oscar Wilde

“I was lucky to have escaped with my soul, although I suffered several mental and physical illnesses as a result of the stress I was under. Even Leonard Cohen could not survive there!”
~ Orion Blastar on Dewey Cheatham and Howe
~ Idiot on God knows what
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Dewey, Cheatem & Howe is an international law firm working in the fields of personal injury, product liability, casinos, the mafia, the Non-God-Fearing Democrats, Liberal Terrorists, and are actively involved in the Evil Atheist Conspiracy and various litigation cases.


A law firm, founded on April 1, 1887 in Boston, Massachusetts. The first partners were by Donald "Don" Dewey, Thomas "Tom" Cheatham, and Roger Howe, who met while attending Harvard Law School, which they subsequently sued for giving Tom an A- once.

Corporate Environment

They are well known for treating their employees politely, yet instilling stress, fear, and fustration on them, which they believe creates work productivity. They keep their non-lawyer employees in the dark, and feed them manure, in other words, they consider them to be mushrooms. They are encouraged to spread rumors about other coworkers, because management believes that rumors help keep employees productive.

Most Famous Cases

Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe is famous for suing most tobacco companies by representing the massive class-action lawsuits that threatened to put these companies out of business and have them pay for the damage that a lifetime of smoking causes. They innovated and did a big study using New science proven with New Math to show that the fault of the health problems was the fault of the tobacco companies, not of the victims that smoked or chewed the tobacco products. When the company pointed out that they have a warning label, the firm raised the sue from $1 million to ten times that. After a decade and a half, they won the suite. They charged all their clients so much they (the clients) got checks for $0.00. Ironically, the firm immediately said "yes" when the tobacco companies offered a handsome fee to lobby for them.

Famous Partners

A famous employee of the law firm is Orion Blastar, who managed to work there for four and a half years and still was able to keep his soul. Once management found that Orion still had his soul, they citied this as a violation of the employment agreement and placed him on probation. Before this happened, Orion reportedly went insane due to the stress, fear, and fustration placed on him, and being passed over for promotions for four and a half years, he got sick, went on short-term disability. When he returned he was placed on probation for missing too many work days, because the HR Manager lost his doctor's notes, and discovered that Orion still had his soul. Orion was on probation for two weeks, but after refusing to give up his soul, he was eventually fired.

The Firm Today

The law firm is still in operation, although now it is a front for Al Queda, after Evil Bert was made a partner in the law firm in 2004.

It has offices in London, Zurich, Tora Bora, Crawford, Texas (USA), , KatherineHarris, Floriduh, Bumfuq, Egypt, Chicago, Manhattan, DC, Muhammad Ali, Frankfurt, and Boston, the latter holding the HQ.

See also

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