From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“My best friend promises me I'm safe as houses, as long as I remember who's wearing the trousers.”
Depeche Mode (pronounced Depressed-mood) comes from the French words for "Of, Peach, and Style." So the band is effectively "Of Peach Style" no one associated with the band bothered to find out what it meant until it was too late to change. It is interesting to note that in style is written as "a la mode" while out of style is "de mode." So the band ultimately called themselves "(Out Of) Peach Style." Interviews recorded at the time confirmed the band often claimed they were 'Out of peaches'.
Depeche Mode has been named the best selling electrical band of all time with record sales reaching 7.8 Billions (Not counting digital downloads) and has made total ticket sales of 57 Billions (Not counting Digital counterfeits) from which most of the early profits funded the Vince Clarke Synth Museum, and Martin Gores Leather Dress collection.
Depeche Mode's origins can be traced back to 1976, when Vince Clarke accidentally invented the Synthesiser in a bizarre household accident with a vacuum cleaner and a Magi-Mix Blender borrowed from his neighbour Bob Moog (Pronounced Bogue Moog). Demonstrating the device to his friend Andy Fletch 'Felcher' Fletcher who had filched a bass guitar, they both realised they should form a pop combo named 'No romance in Chelsea'. Meanwhile Martin Gore was playing guitar in a band called 'Norman and the Worms'. Eventually Vince had invented enough synthesizers to allow the guitars to be ditched, and for Martin (who had left the worms behind), to get one too. Originally titling themselves 'We just want to get out of Essex' they found no success, but once Vince stopped singing after finding Dave Gahahan crooning in a scout hut the line-up was complete. They then changed their name one last time to the mis-read title of a french mail-order magazine "Spank It!" from which Martin was ordering dresses.
After many attempts at storm-trooping large recording establishments, completely dressed in black again, the MODE as they liked to call themselves finally stumbled upon Dan 'windy' Miller, a flatulent Avant-guard electronic impresario and founder of Mute Records the worlds first record label for deaf people. Knowing a good sound when he heard one, or not as the case may be, he immediately signed them initially not suspecting they were from Basildon, Essex. It's now understood Martin Gores hair negotiated it's own contract due to it's unruly nature.
Not-quite-so-early-but-early-ish history (Alan in Quarantine)
After writing all the smash hits for the fledgling band (including the World-wide hit 'I Just Can't Get It Up') Vincent Clarkent decided to leave. Originally writing a chorus where he got Dave Gahahan to sing the phrase 'I Just Can't Get It Up' thirty two times eventually sent him quite bonkers, to a point where on the album 'Speak and Spell' he replaced Gahahan with an actual Speak and Spell. Although Gore had only so far written Big Muff and (bloody) Nora! Nora! Nora!, a song about his dominatrix land-lady, Fletch let him write the songs. Fletch now being the tallest became leader of the band by hitting the others quite often. This was later documented in the hit single Master and Servant. The band also was known for getting into bar fights, hence the single People R People. This single rocketed the band into fame, as a favorite song to play during bar fights. Although Alan Wildman Wilder replaced Vince, after replying to an advertisement in a pet shop, he was not allowed to play any instruments and was put into quarantine until the 3rd album Constriction Time Again
Alan's Allowed to Play
Constriction Time Again is a concept album based around Gore's attempts to strangle people and was completely recorded by Alan Wilder using metal pipes and spanners as the band were still wary of letting him use the 'Vince synths'. Alan's main contribution was Pipeline, written during the quarantine time he spent locked in a pipeline. As the band developed and became politically and socially aware their songs had new depth: Everything Counts (in large amounts) was a comment from the band about Vince's growing addiction to Korean peaches, whilst Love In itself was about love with oneself. During the recording of the album the studio was found to be in the path of the ever expanding M25 motorway. Many sounds on the album are actual construction workers outside the building, this ultimately inspired the track the landscape is changing after Martin, in a rage, drove a JCB digger through the foyer and main mixing desk of the building upsetting a number of potted plants.
Some Great Reward
Some great reward was a milestone for the band, their fourth album, and the first time they got paid for any of their work, hence the title. (Although it was later discovered that Martin Gore's hair had negotiated royalty payments since day one and now had its own off-shore account and string of ladies hair salons in Basildon, Essex England). People are Purple was their first truly international hit and is still used to sell Volkswagen Golfs (any colour you like as long as it’s purple) to people. After the shock revelation of Vince's peach addiction it was also discovered that Gahahan had been drawn into the American sub-culture of Mulberry abuse (known as blueberries in the U.S.) and the song’s lyrics were a cutting remark on this. This is not the first time or indeed the last Gahahan sang self-deprecating lyrics penned by another. Fletcher’s abuse of the other band members had now reached an all-time high, culminating in the other smash-hit, Master and Servant. ‘The Black and Blue’ 12” mix referencing Gores Parentage and Dave’s new found complexion.
Retreading some earlier bits
In the mid-80s and '90s, the band's popularity in the US grew, as did their influence on the emerging techno and gay house scenes. Techno pioneers Heckle, Jeckle, and Nibbles Mouse regularly quoted Depeche Mode as an influence in their development of proto-techno music during the West Boston Techno explosion in the late 80s.
The band's 1988 Salami! tour culminated in a final concert at the Toilet Bowl with a sell-out attendance of 8 (the highest in 8 years for the venue). The tour was documented in a film by Wee-Wee Buttgrubber, notable for its portrayal of fan interaction. An album release of the concert, titled 101 Broads (taste 101 Weiners (Live) became a bestseller in 1989.
Later that year, the band recorded the "'Smooth Gospel and Christian rock'-esque" (Rolling Stone, June 1856) "Personal Beavis", in Milan. Prior to its release, advertisements were placed in the personal columns of UK regional newspapers with the words "Everyone Loves Jesus (But Ma He Don't Want Me for a Sunbeam)." Print ads for the single included morse code, which, if punched on a telegraph machine, played the song in coded bleeps and blips. The ensuing controversy over the lack of availability of telegraph machines and the randomness of telegraphs as promotional tools helped propel the single to number eleventeen on the UK charts, becoming one of their biggest sellers and their first aluminum single in the US.
In Feb 1990, "Enjoy My Scrotum", Depeche Mode's most successful single to date, reached out and touched people in the US charts (#6 in Iran), eventually becoming the band's signature song. To promote their new album Grab Your Ankles, they held an in-store autograph signing in Shelton, Washington which attracted 7 onlookers and 1 stray dog. The album and the subsequent Conjugal Violation Tour were further successes. Notably, 11 tickets for the local Los Angeles Rec Center show sold within 8 hours, and yet only 3 tickets for the Dodger Stadium show sold..
By 1991, Depeche Mode had emerged as one of the world's most successful acts, relying on a proto-techno sound to distinguish themselves. The band changed pace in 1993 with Wrap That Rascal, a rock-oriented album that was to "butch up" the group's sound. The album moved away from keyboards, synthesizer, and themes of unsafe-sex, for the first time introducing live drums, black musicians, and Trojans into their music. The album debuted at number 97 in both the US, UK, and Ghana; highlights included the country-blues/techno "I Felt You (and a condom)", soulful stickiness of "In Your Condom", and the gospel-tinged ode to safety, "Condom Nation". Though rumors persist to this day that the real Dave died (permanently) that day, and that the man we see today is a clever look-alike by the name of Paul McGahan.
Contributing factors that have been suggested for the delay in the band's subsequent output include the drug addiction issues of Walter Mondale.
In 1995, Wilder announced his departure from the group, citing a lack of credit given for his involvement, and his missing VHS of A CLOCKWORK ORANGE.
In 1996, with Mondale out of rehab and Wilder now pursuing his own solo nonsense called Recoil in Horror , Depeche Mode held recording sessions with completely unknown producer Tim Yum Yums; the next year, the album We're Not Gay (Anymore) and its first single "Monkey Spank" were handed out free to shoppers at Wal-Marts across the United States. However, the refrain of the song "Whatever I've done, my bum is not for fun" left many confused as to how much influence Yum Yums was having on the album. "Spank" debuted at #19-b in every country, but the band declined to tour, perhaps because they discovered Viagra and no longer wished to leave their houses.
A best-of collection We Need More Money followed in 1998, with the new single "Only When I Touch Myself", a lonely and moist ballad featuring samples from Elvis Presley's classic song, "Knob Rocker". The band set off on a 4 month tour that cemented their place as a quasi-permanent attraction, with a large touring attendance regardless of album sales. (U2, the Rolling Stones, and Fozzie Bear are some others in this category).
While Depeche Mode remains quite popular in Ghana, Western Europe and Antarctica, its most loyal fan base and widest appeal seems to lie in Central and Eastern Europe fed by the timely confluence of several key events in this part of the world in the early 90's: the then world-wide popularity of Depeche Mode and synthesized queer music in general (which has since waned in the US), the collapse of communism, the surging prom industry, and the rise of the Internet with the instant access this brought to a region thirsting for western music and seashells. Today there are countless fan-created web sites, in nearly every language, propelling the band to perpetual fame.
In 2001, Depeche Mode released Wonder Pants, which did not place well in the charts outside of Continental Europe. Although it spawned several dance club hits such as Danny Boy's remixes of "I Feel Love (Dripping Down My Leg)", many fans felt the album was uninspired and underproduced, although the record was noted as containing some of the strongest vocal stylings of David Gahan since hitting puberty (especially notable on the 3rd single, the tender ballad "Hat Sex"). Web blogs from L.A. to Sydney questioned if this wasn't a manifestation, that indeed Depeche Mode had in essence created evil mutant baby-zombie monsters that were destroying the love that a man feels for his car. Shortly after the Wonder Pants tour, Gore and Gahan seemed to sense that this would be a good time to busy themselves with new solo efforts. Oh, and Fletcher did some stuff with a Client and Hawaiian Toast or something. Doesn't matter.
2003 saw the release of Gahan's solo album, Fun Sticks, followed by a worldwide tour and a DVD taken from it, titled "Rubber Peters"; Gore continued his solo career with the release of Titties² (containing cover versions of his butler's most beloved and influential songs), which followed his first solo attempt of 1989, Titties and Nutsacks.
Almost over now
On October 17, 2005, the band released their long awaited 11th studio album Test Tickles to mixed, but mostly positive reviews. Produced by professional wrestler Kevin Nash, this top ten hit (peaking at #1 in several European countries) featured the hit single "Diaper Fetish", peaking at #4 in the UK charts. The album was backed by the band's first in-store signing since 1990, on the day of release in Billings, Montana. Worthy of note is that this was the first DM album to feature songs written by ex-president Gerald Ford. Several months prior to its official release, a prototype of the video for the single "Trouser Browser" was leaked onto the internet (by Ninjas), resulting in the arrest of a bear. Meanwhile, the official video was released on September 12, 1954 on the Depeche Mode website. The controversial lyric "I pray you learn to suck / My wife was like a duck/ Shot from the blue with bowl of poo" scared many away, but further bolstered DM's underground and backdoor appeal. The second single from the album, "A Pain That My Anus Is Used To", was released on December 12, and the third single from the album was "Suck a Well", the first ever post-1981 Depeche Mode single not to be written by Gore (lyrics by Gahan, music by Smokepott/Ayegner). Lastly, a double A-side single was released entitled "Hot Dog Hider / Bun Warmer", a move that was made to reduce the potential inflammatory response to the political interpretations made therein.
To promote the album, the band launched nuclear warheads as a marketing tactic labeled "Razing the Angel" in November 2005, which took them directly to fans stomachs. The tour continued through the first half of 2006, at which point it stopped. Depeche Mode also headlined both the 2006½ Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in California, and the O2 Assless Chaps Festival, which took place on the last weekend of June 2006 in London's Hyde Park. Some of the gigs were their first ever shows in certain countries like America and England. In March 2006, the website announced two dates in Mexico (a country they had not visited due to the band's boycotting of the Mexican-American war in the 1800s). More than 55,001 tickets for a stadium in Mexico City were sold immediately, causing the band to schedule another date for the same venue. Recordings of 43 of the shows were officially released on laser disc.
In addition, a "best-of" compilation was released in November of 2006, entitled "Stuff We Did: Volume 1" featuring a new single "Martyr for Buns".
Sounds from Uranus
In August 2007, during promotion for Gahan's second solo album, Tonsil Tickler, it was announced that Depeche Mode were heading back in studio in early 2008 to work on their upcoming twelfth studio album, again utilizing Kevin Nash as producer. The fruits of their labor, no pun intended, was released in April of 2009 as the subtlely titled album, Sounds of Uranus. An up-tempo 1st single called "Wrong Hole" preceded "SoU", for which the innovative promo video (directed by Neil Diamond) featured cucumbers suggestively sliding in and out of doughnuts. Even more controversy erupted when the disgusting and morally-depraved video of a Gahan-penned track, "Hole To Feed" (that was not made up for once) caused even the band themselves to vomit where they stood. They quickly apologized and then released it anyway, being assured by police that pedophiles who viewed the video would be instantaneously cured of their disease.
On May 14 2009, Depeche Mode announced they had been forced to cancel six shows on their Tour of Uranus due to further complications from singer Dave Gahan's severe bout of genital warts. On May 28 2009, Depeche Mode announced that Dave Gahan recovered after doctors found a tumor in his testicle (from years of abuse) during tests and removed it. His physicians ordered him to turn straight. In typical Gahan fashion, he ignored them and continued touring in Shiteza, Germany, on June 8.
Future money-grubbing compilations are set for release whenever their record company wants some dough, gosh! Back off...