Dennis Kucinich's wife may be the hottest wife or mistress who has ever walked the halls on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., according to The Hill newspaper's centerfold section and presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. "Even I think she's hot," says Goodwin, "and I haven't been with a woman in years."
Dennis Kucinich's wife's Early life
Hot. Her London neighbors thought she was sizzling, her relatives thought she was smokin', and all the stars in the sky thought "This girl is so aces that one day she will marry an American movie star and probably take up Scientology".
Infant and Primary School
Then, upon entering Year Two (the school would not allow her to attend early infant school, saying it would have disrupted the classrooms, hallways, and the headmaster's office), her hotness did not diminish, but increased, sometimes on a daily basis. As the years came and went, and Mother Nature continued to carve Her masterpiece from flesh and bone, Dennis Kucinich's wife looks stunned and enchanted the growing crowd of British onlookers. Photographs taken from a discrete distance were sold door-to-door in her neighborhood, and soon nationally, and then throughout Europe.
Secondary School and University
More of the same, eventually gracing the University of Kent, but, Goddess forgive me, even hotter. And six foot tall! This walking bundle of light grew to be six foot tall!
And redheaded! Six foot tall, hot, and redheaded!
Move to the United States
Dennis Kucinich's wife moved to the United States after she decided that England, the rest of Europe, and even India (where she worked as a gift-shop salesgirl at one of Mother Teresa's pet orpanages) no longer proved a challenge. For Dennis Kucinich's wife had grown bored. She had adorned the castles of Kings and bedecked the homes of commoners, had already gone out of her way to sleep with her first man (pop singer Bono, but she didn't enjoy it), and now needed the adventure of the New World to help hold her attention on this realm of consciousness. So Dennis Kucinich's wife moved herself and her unwanted entourage of photographers to America. There, on a moonstruck afternoon, she met the man who would become Dennis Kucinich's wife's husband, and they both lived happily everafter on a cloud of unicorn breath.
Dennis Kucinich's wife's husband is a vegan (one who does not push corpses or other bodily substances of animals into their pie-hole), and, like most vegans, has a hot and smoking babe, you betcha' O Lord above, give-out-a-whoop-lookin'-at-that, does she have a sister or a niece, surely Goddess broke the mold when She made this one, there, done, vegan for a mate. Unknown to Dennis Kucinich's wife's husband, she has a secret stash of British-produced chicken-flavored soy slim-jims hidden in the meat drawer of their custom-made fully-loaded refrigerator, and knows, deep inside, that it is this hidden habit that keeps her so hot.
Yes. She has one. Get a glass of water, please, before your hidden narrator faints. Thank you, yes, that helped. Now, where were we. . .
Dennis Kucinich's wife plans to travel the world in the near future, shining her light upon the teeming masses of the seven continents (although the teeming masses of Antartica seem to be mostly penguins). She will be joined on this long planned pilgramage-to-the-human-race by singer Bono (whom she now remembers as being not so bad after all, and is willing to give another romp), Tiger Woods, Doris Kearns Goodwin, and Joey, a guy with a very tiny itty bitty tongue piercing whom she met in the soy section down at the Supermarket.
Dennis Kuchinich's wife's Mysterious Allure
In a 2011 conference held at Ohio State University in Columbus entitled "What Makes Dennis Kucinich's wife So Hot?", scholars from across North America, Europe, and Australia tried to answer the symposium's premise. Panels ranged from "Dennis Kuchinich's wife's Scent" to "Dennis Kucinich's wife's Heritage Mixed With Dennis Kucinich's wife's Scent mixed with Dennis Kucinich's wife's Alabaster Skin", and from "Dennis Kuchinich's wifes Measurements and their relationship to the Golden Triangle" to "What Does Dennis Kucinich's wife See in Dennis Kuninich's wife's husband, and What in God's Name Can I do to be More like Dennis Kuchinich's wife's husband?"
After a three-day weekend of lectures, break-away sessions, and discussions at the conferences' many in-room parties, the conclusion of the assembled and learned scholars was that Dennis Kucinich's wife has a "mysterious allure" undefinable by academia standards.
|Featured Article (read another featured article)|
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.