Delicious Jones

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“She's so manly, I have to have her!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Delicious Jones

“Whoa, she makes me look like a virgin... Hah! Madonna reference! What a fucking bitch. I hate her. I paid 10 bucks to see Swept Away you bitch!”

~ Paris Hilton on Delicious Jones
Delicious Jones is a Ho-fessional dancer from Hotlanta who currently resides in dumpster behind a West Hollywood McDonald's. Her hobbies include burrowing for food, killing off her competition, perfecting her French and of course dancing. She has been known to perform at a variety of events including: weddings, bar mitzvahs, birthdays, bachelor parties and even the occaisional funeral.
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Delicious sighted in a Chuck E. Cheese's... presumably high on crack.

edit Early Life

Delicious (or as her friends call her, Delish), was born Latifah Delicious Jones-Jackson. It is alleged that she shares some blood with both Michael Jackson and Star Jones seeing as she frequently screams claims to the relation at a park bench in East L.A. At the age of seven, Delicious reportedly interrupted a second grade recital of Peter Pan when she ran onto the stage and began to do her infamous "Twat Tango". Unfortunately, school officials were not impressed and Delicious was forced to start wearing underwear with a duct tape lining to school. Despite this, Delicious continued to live by the words her syphillis-ridden mother told her while on her deathbed: "Delicious, you have to start making that cash; I can't afford me no more menthols. You needs to get me menthols." Delicious did get enough money to buy her mother those menthols, and oh so much more (particularly venereal diseases).

edit Contributions to Society

Delicious has been a major contributor to the humanitarian effort of Southern California by only charging two dollars for most sexual encounters. Delicious is also known for her "Rolodex of Love", a menu and price list of the various sexual acts she will perform which is written in menstrual blood on the floor of a Bennigan's bathroom.

Delicious is well known for her infamous clam juice, but in her words: "They ain't no clams."

edit Music Career

In 1996, Delicious recorded an album entitled "Jehovah Jams". The album was very popular selling nearly 17 copies (mostly to vagrants whose lives were threatened by Delicious herself.) The album was recorded in the back of a van belonging to Skye, a former second grade teacher/pedophile who has recently been ordained as a Catholic priest. The album included such memorable classics as "Jesus Loves the Little Delicious", "God Loves Me More Than You", "I am God", "Yahweh Mahweh" and her biggest hit: "Compton Gangbang". While the album consists mostly of Delicious screaming "Kill the Honkies!" while having sex with Skye and mass-murdering cats, Skye said that it was a great achievement.

edit Claims of Deity

After having converted to Scientology, Delicious was seen on the top of the Scientology center in California proclaiming the names of her clientele. After the infamous event, Tom Cruise had her extracted from Scientology, primarily because she had paid the fees in photocopied hundred-dollar bills. After her extraction from Scientology, Delicious set up an account on Myspace, where she has gained a following among jaded teenagers who consider her to be the new messiah.

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