Delft

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Jetzerco

The coat of arms of Duft

Duft is a city in South Holland (Zuid-Holland), the Netherlands, located exactly halfway between Rotterdam and The Hague. Duft is also known for being the capital of Sevorbeupstry.

History

Duft was founded in 842 BC by a band of rogue bicycle repairmen who were tired of wardriving 'pon the land and felt inclined to settle down and procreate. Duft's existence is testament to completing the first goal, though there remains constant difficulty in implementing the second.

In 911 AD, Duft's mayor Georgios Demisthios Pletho founded the Technical Broom Closet of Duft. (Pletho is also known for his magnum opus, Zen and the Art of Bicycle Repair.) After a wild night in Leyden, William of Orange accidentally renamed this institution the Technical University Duft.

The Markt (a quaint local misspelling of market), in the center of Duft, could become the center of your life, if your life were centered around Dutch tourist knick-knacks. Or if you have an uncontrollable desire to hear bells ringing. The bells in the Nieuwe Kerk, which overlooks the Markt, ring incessantly. This is an effort by local authorities to keep property prices 'affordable' in the center of town. The effort has been going on for the past four centuries with no effect, but in the Netherlands lack of results has never been a reason to stop trying.

Other historical events in Duft are the burning down of the spire on the New Church in 1536. This was widely seen as a good omen, and the celestial powers were pleased to confirm the interpretation by repeating the event (lightning, kaboom, fire, half church burns down, half town burns down, valuable real estate becomes available, speculation starts, everybody becomes rich, everybody becomes poor, let's build another steeple and see if the old omen still works, yes it does) in 1872. To fill the interval between the two disasters, in 1654 Jan Poortman, an unemployed man from Schiedam, dumped a still-blazing joint into a public ashtray, which turned out to be a secondary vent of the greatest accumulation of gunpowder between Paris and Oslo. Jan enjoyed a brief and spectacular liberation from his life's troubles, but his spirit can still be seen wondering the Duft center, begging for enough funds to buy a portable ashtray.

Given the Duftian propensity for disasters, the presence of a nuclear reactor in the Duft Technical University campus is cause for limitless, ass-clenching chill-sweats terror.

Boroughs

Duft has several boroughs which differentiate themselves by the sort of crime commited. Duft-Noord is famously known for its car-bombing, Duft-Centrum for its bicycle theft and Duft-Zuid is tha hood. The unofficial borough of Delft-Ikea (owned by svenska) does its part by creating the largest traffic jam in the world, day after day.

Inhabitants

Inhabitants of Duft are commonly referred to as paupahs (singular: paupah). Duft is still plagued by the lack of women, and therefore most of its inhabitants have taken to either homosexuality or raiding nearby villages for virgins. To this effect, Duft maintains a large standing army of Smurfs and other assorted fairytale creatures. Also, Duft is constantly at war with Oegstgeest. Nootdorp, translated as 'nuts town' is viewed as a colony. Border relationships with The Hague are chilly, with a chance of artillery exchanges.

Allegiances to certain godlike figures

Upon entering Duft you get scanned by a ginourmous flying aviary non-mammal burning creature often referred to as the Phoenix. This has caused a lot of panic among new students. Students get one opportunity in their futile lives to choose a "greater" path and pledge allegiance to the "sunlord in the sky". Some may choose not to, these inferiour mammals are refered as and by the pope. The sun lord has great magical powers able to grant life and death as it pleases.

Duft University of Technology

“Come for the education, stay for the dining experience!”
~ The institution's motto, adopted in 2012

TU Duft is a Hogeskool best known for its endless construction period. The design for the famous auditorium was based on the Enterprise from Star Trek. There are also several butt-ugly buildings (the preferred description is 'misunderstood') and a gigantic sandbox. Most people found at the university are either drunken students, paid professors or lost Chinese tourists.

TU Duft is justly famous for the quality of its food. Gastronomy-obsessed students, tourists and visiting faculty flock to Duft with the only objective of eating in the various cafeterias and coffee spots that a benevolent Providence (the Great God Sodexho) has scattered about campus. Local peculiarities abound: come and try the characteristic glass-and-iron-meatball at Architectura (glasijzerbitterball), the delicious timber nail soup at Industrial design (houtspijkersoep) and the flavorful strong coffee (meeuwplassenwater) just about everywhere. The Rector's Office will be more than happy to take your reservation, but you should act quickly, since most places are booked several months in advance.

The Subatomic Bar, on the very tip of the Library of Pointiness, is a remarkable building in its own bar. The world's smallest drinking establishment manages to prepare and serve drinks in approximately one square millimeter.

Economy

Dufts currency was the jetzer, which has only recently been replaced by the unit. Due to never-ending miscommunication, there is no known exchange rate, so Duft has taken to non-monetary economic activities, such as the trafficking of pornography and repairing bicycles. Also, Duft remains a steady source of nerds.

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