Deep Sea Sky Diving
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Deep Sea Sky Diving is a historic leisure activity, originally done by the Uargay tribe of Neptune's only beach resort. It became popular when the chieftain of the tribe Ben Dover decided that he was really depressed and decided to jump off a cliff. However the nearest cliff was only 1 metre high and so what he was attempting to do enevitably failed. When asked what on Neptune was he doing he replied 'Deep Sea Sky Diving' in a sarcastic tone and then walked away in a huff, without realising it he had just invented 2 things, sarcasm and a new extreme sport. As the cheiftain had only just invented sarcasm, the tribe member who had so politely asked what he was doing, thought he was being told the truth and decided that the whole village should be informed of this exciting new idea. The tribe soon began to develop their skills and form competitions of how deep and fast they could go. the chieftain had unfortunately been eaten by giant squirrel and so was unable to milk this for all it was worth, about 9 pence. Neither the RNISPPN or global warming had anything to do with this.
edit How do you do it?
The aim of Deep Sea Sky Diving has never really been known, it has been things like; how fast can you go; how long can you stay under for; how deep can you go, it has even been used to confuse Dr Magriola. If you want to learn to Deep Sea Sky Dive, then you must first have the equipment, a nuclear submarine, a 100 ton weight, a parachute and a lot of string. The best place to do it is on Neptune, however it is highly unlikely that you will ever get there so i suppose Cornwall will do. First get in your nuclear submarine, make sure it is well stocked up with radioactive material or otherwise it wont give a good enough explosion. Drive the submarine to a deserted area in the sea, marine life doesn't count, we just dont want to hurt any people. Next put on the parachute and use the string to attach the weight to your waist. Make sure it is at least a double granny knot. Next put some sort of explosive near all the radioactive stuff in the submarine. Now this is a very dangerous bit so make sure you do exactly as i tell you. *^*&^%£!@$% ^$ %£!@$%^%^$ £@!!±£$@@ ^()()*^ $@!!@£$% ^&*()(_+_+__)*^&%£@@!!!±!@£ $£@±!±±!£@$%^& *((*^$££%&&^ %£@@@£$%^(**&*)%^$ %£@%^!£$^$^$^&( &)^*( _+&_+&()++&*( %^$%££@!@± !±!± @!£@&£$((%&*))^* *(*()+&*(%$ %^£%@±!±!@ ^&* ()&*($%^*%^*%(. Now you will be prepared for when to military arrive. Go into the air lock, tell your pathetic minions to explode the bomb, and the nuclear submarine 10 seconds after you have gone out. Just remember to give them a cock and ball story about how they will be fine if they hide behind a wall, so they dont get mutinous. When you are in the water you will shortly feel the blast behind you, it is best to get a few metres away from the sub or you might miss it. When the blast hits you pull the parachute cord and just ride the waves. Soon the weight will begin to slow you down and so at this point you will be sufficienly dazed and disorientated so you won't know what to do. The thing to remember is that the square root of a fish is 6, and so with this knowledge you will be able to reach the surface unscathed, ready to do it again, probably millions of pounds in debt and wanted by pretty much every secret service in the world. If you could get you grubby little hands on a moose then that would really help. However Chuck Norris would probably round house kick you just for poos and giggles, so dont take him along.
edit Where is the best places to do it
Of course Neptune and the outer planets of our solar system offer the best spots for Deep Sea Sky Diving. But back here on earth there are several good places to do it. These include the Royal Baths of Latvia, you will have to get special permission from the king to use these facilites. Cornwall is also very good, and probably the best place is the Bermuda Triangle, as you can blame it for any mishaps.
edit Where can i learn more about this?
You can find people deep sea sky diving everywhere, but mainly in your back garden, you can ask any of them. Just be careful as they may ask you to join their gang, which can end up with you being underwater for lengthy periods of time, which can really mess up you skin, it can really get very saggy. Or you might just turn into a stoner/crack head. For more information you can look at the Graveney News. If you decide that this sport is really for you then you are probably stoned, but if you arent then you might want to go to the annual deep sea diving party. This party happens every ten years (they called it annual because they did'nt know the word for 'every 10 years') or whenever someone can be bothered to organise it all. This party will be held at a random location, hopefully on earth, and all the deep sea sky divers will go. If you want second hand equipment or just advice that is the best place to go.