Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 8

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DalaiLlama

December 8: Llamas Against Chinese day/ The Death of Metal

  • 1000 BCE - A little Chinese Prince was holidaying in Tibet. Whilst he was innocently trying to feed a local Llama some grain it viciously bit him. And so began countless millenniums of conflict.
  • 684 - Tibetan Llamas eat all the grass so that when the Mongolians tried to invade there was nothing for their horses to eat. First example of Llama scorched earth tactics.
  • 751 - Chinese invade Tibet again. The Chinese strike a deal with the Llamas, they will have a singing competition and whoever wins gets sovereignty over Tibet. First instance of the Llama song, thousands of Chinese soldiers get nasty nips from vicious Llamas in their victory celebrations.
  • 1231 - The Dalai Llama seduces Chinese king, but after they'd been going steady for a couple of months the Llama cheats on him with Kublai Khan. Chinese king calls the Llama a slut and finds a less attractive rebound girlfriend and cries himself to sleep for a month.
  • 1567- The Dalai Llama tells all the other Central Asian leaders that the Chinese King is gay. This does not have the negative connotations that it does in the West so the Dalai Llama also said the King had sex with young boys.
  • 1789 - Llama blah blah blah Tibet blah China. Blah blah blah China blah Llama. Llama breaks China's grandmother's hip and takes the last bit of Cheesecake.
  • 1850 - Llama tells Hong Xiuquan that if he's sick of the buses running late he should start a revolution. So begins Taiping Rebellion.
  • 1911 - Llama tells Sun Yat-sen and Yuan Shikai that the Chinese Emperor said that their mothers were terrible cooks.
  • 1931 - Llama mentions to Emperor Hirohito that China is pretty shit and that he might as well go in and take over. Then he whispered quietly in the Emperor's ear that if any Japanese are looking for easy women Nanking is the place.
  • 1950 - PRC takes over Tibet suffering many painful Llama bites.
  • 1980 - Mark David Chapman, aided by a llama, kills John Lennon.
  • 2001 - In a secret coup d'etat the Llamas topple the Illuminati, the Skull and Bones Club and the Jews and assume de facto secret leadership of the world. And when China least expects it ... POW!!! Right in the kisser with a big Llama bite.
  • 2003- lLAMAS TAKE OVER WIKIPEDIEA AND USE IT TO BAD MOUTH CHINA TO THE WORLD
  • 2005- Jeff from accounting nailed your wife in the parking lot at that company christmas party.
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