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December (pronounced duh-SING-ga) is a slang term for the month of Dismember. It is a magical time when snow covers the land and Santa Claus rides around on his sleigh pulled by flying reindeer. Unless, of course, you live in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case El Santo Jesús will ride into your town on a burro and give you a taco.
“Oh, shit. Flying reindeer.”
“What the hell is that?”
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Tragedy struck on May 8, 1955 when December escaped from its cage and disappeared into the wild of Nevada. No trace has ever been found of it since. Its very existence is doubted by many foremost scientists of the day, including Albert Einstein, who was said to say "December? I'll show you a December, just like I showed your mom my December last night!"
Strangely, only one clue to the location of December has turned up since the disappearance, occurring in the Marilyn Monroe movie Some Like it Hot. In the scene on the beach, if you look towards the upper right-hand corner, you can just make out a blurry object that vaguely resembles the description of a December. No explanation has ever been offered by the producers or the government.
Mix, stir to taste. You've just made yourself a tasty December!
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