Deathcrush

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Deathcrush.

Deathcrush is some crazy freak from Sweden, he's actual location of residence is completely unknown and is NOT to be known at ALL, if you claim to know where he lives, then he will stalk you in your sleep and your doom is imminent. Deathcrush listens to the wonderful and soothe sounds of white pop and hippie rap. He has long, green hair and always wears a "Goats love you" t-shirt. It is said that he appears to be a small mountain goat, standing on a field and eating grass, others claim that he is a large duck terrorizing fishermen. But, Deathcrush is in fact, a crazy freak from Sweden.

He is described as being not very intelligent. In fact, he once thought it was Sunday when it was really Monday. Until he looked at the paper, then he found out it was actually Monday. But for that particular moment, he wasn’t smart at all!

edit Why is this 'freak' called Deathcrush?

Deathcrush (Born Mikey Something-whatnot-I-don't-care) adopted the name of Deathcrush because, to some popular belief, he had a crush on the dead (also known as necrophilia), while others believe it is because he has a dying crush on some cartoon character, others, though only a minority, claim that Deathcrush originated because he likes to have dire and brutal love with other people.

An exact explanation for his choice of name is not available, as Deathcrush runs away from interviews and other reporters. He is not a peoples person.

edit Biography

One cold, rainy night, a seven-year-old child was sitting in his room. This child, was Mikey Something-whatnot-I-don't-care, and something had happened, something very uninteresting - he had eaten his dinner! And then, he went to sleep, as he had to wake up early to get to school the following day.

So the years went by, and Mikey thought he was about to die - but no, twenty-three years later, he went on with his life under the name of "Deathcrush", no history record shows why, he just did, even though he is very important in the history of mankind! Even more so than That Guy! Incredible, yes, but he is! Now, do not attempt to search for him in history books, as his importance is so important it is important not to be revealed as important in history books.

Deathcrush was a happy person, almost hippie-like, and wore t-shirts that inspired christian, jewish and muslim love - even gay love, some historians believe. He went to college, majoring in Happiness, minoring in Hobostudies. But then, after one fatal pop quiz, he began crying over a poor grade. He got so depressed that he ran out of the auditorium, and got hit by a car. The accident was not fatal though, but it had sent him flying through the air, which gave him time to think. He thought and he thought, but when he hit the ground, and his head was cleared of all possible thinking. When he woke up, he found a dog peeing on him and a hooker slapping him, while claiming he owed her fifty swedish krona. He slapped her back and kicked the dog, then claimed that all the world was full of crimes. While running away from the now dead dog and dcrying hooker, he claimed that he was Batman, and that his now sole duty was to waste time and stop crime! Thus, he joined the mainstream band known as Dimmu Borgir.

For a long time, he played in Dimmu Borgir, and by that, we mean he sat in his room, doing nothing at all. Then he quit Dimmu Borgir to pursue a solo career, again, by sitting in his room, doing nothing at all. And this is where you will find him today - but try not to find him, as he is evading people while shouting out christian and jewish mumbo jumbo.

edit Deathcrush is a person

some may claim Deathcrush to be a song made by the famous white pop band, Mayhem, this is, however, not true. Deathcrush is of pure flesh and blood, and he dislikes mad people.


edit Religion

Deathcrush is said to be both a Christian and a Jew at the same time, and he believes that we should all stop using violence and live in peace and share universal love. He has also been spotted for saying that if you disagree with him, then he will beat you up and hate you for the rest of his life. He also holds a strange fondness of Muslims.


edit Deathcrush is Immortal

No, he isn't undying, nor the band Immortal.


edit Deathcrush as a song

There is, apparantly, a song going by the same name, made by some crazy Black Metal band, but this is NOT to be confused with the person!


edit Deathcrush's fame

He's very famous because he is looking exactly like an Emo Kid, but is more depressed than a Goth. He also played in the band Dimmu Borgir. He also claims to be the incarnation of Batman.

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