Dear John letter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m
Line 282: Line 282:
 
[[Category:Letters]]
 
[[Category:Letters]]
 
[[Category:Pages that look like the things they're about]]
 
[[Category:Pages that look like the things they're about]]
{{vfh}}
+
{{FA|revision=1325010|date=8 December 2006}}

Revision as of 07:04, December 8, 2006

(random content ~ refresh for a different version)
Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Dear Brian, Derek ... Frank? ummmm whoever ...,

By the time you read this, I'll be singing show tunes in the shower while members of the New York Yankees take turns exfoliating my buttocks with a loofah sponge. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but with your breath, a letter seemed the safest option.

I know this might seem like , well... inevitable, really, to you, seeing as we made all those plans to alphabetize our combined compact disc collections someday, but I just don't see things working out that way.

I'm sorry about this — but if the writing's a but shakey that's only because of my helpless, loud and hysterical laughter. I just need more sex, and for longer than the 3 minutes and 2 inches you're able to provide... or was it the other way around? Anyway...

I want to tell you that I think you're on my long list of middle-rated and easily forgotten ex's, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You're a Democrat, and I'm a schoolgirl. You like attacking clergymen, scratching yourself publicly, and gas tungsten arc welding, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date everyone else in the world, just to find out the answer — or at least I should, you have no hope on that score. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I need to tell my side of the story on Jerry Springer.

I'd really like us to become "people that pretend not to know each other", if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, or so we'll pretend.

Take care of yourself and never forget I have the sniper rifle, and I know how to use it.

~ Yet Another Anonymous Sex Partner.

190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 8 December 2006
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/08 December 2006Template:FA/2006</includeonly>
Personal tools
projects