Dear John letter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
Line 282: Line 282:
[[Category:Pages that look like the things they're about]]
[[Category:Pages that look like the things they're about]]
{{FA|revision=1325010|date=8 December 2006}}

Revision as of 07:04, December 8, 2006

(random content ~ refresh for a different version)
Thursday, November 26, 2015

Dear John,

By the time you read this, I'll be living in your house and drinking your coffee. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but with your breath, a letter seemed the safest option.

I know this might seem like an unexpected departure to you, seeing as we made all those plans to push the boundaries of human genetics past the point of good taste by procreating, but I just don't see things working out that way.

I'm sorry about this — mostly. I just need more sex, and for longer than the 3 minutes and 2 inches you're able to provide... or was it the other way around? Anyway...

I want to tell you that I think you're exceptionally undistinguished, in a boring, non-threatening way, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You're wanted in nineteen states, and I'm vastly less intelligent than that. You like fondling barnyard animals, bobbing for old tires in the East River, and filling guinea pigs with helium, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date on different continents. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever it is that I need to confess my most heinous sins on my deathbed.

I'd really like us to become jaded, cynical and bitter in our own different ways, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, at least during those many hours of drug and alcohol induced unconsciousness.

Take care of yourself and never forget to double-bag "Uncle Willy" from now on.

~ The Speaking Clock.


Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 8 December 2006
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/08 December 2006Template:FA/2006</includeonly>
Personal tools