By the time you read this, I'll be sent to the cornfield.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but with the restraining order and everything, I was scared to use the phone again.
I know this might seem like a slap in the faceto you, seeing as we made all those plans to trade all our remaining STDs even-steven, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — well, sort of, at least, kind of, maybe, a little...I just need more time alone. No... More time away from you. All of it, really. Yeah. That's what I mean to say.
I want to tell you that I think you are ...more than passable, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are a balloon animal fan,and I am scared of donuts.You like bathing in gasoline,masturbating to gardening shows, andfeeding rice to sea gulls,and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date other people.But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I forget what your name was.
I'd really like us to become partners in crime and rob helpless old ladies of their retirement savings,if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, or so we'll pretend.
Take care of yourself and never forget that I'm much happier without you.