By the time you read this, I'll be saving a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gecko.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but to be honest, I'd be more sorry if I were to stay.
I know this might seem like a disappointing turn for the worseto you, seeing as we made all those plans to kill your parents and claim the life insurance money, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — but if the writing's a but shakey that's only because of my helpless, loud and hysterical laughter.I just need more out of this relationship. Financially, emotionally, sexually, intellectually. Everythingually.
I want to tell you that I think you are ...unusually odorous, in a good way... sometimes, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are a pederast,and I am scared of donuts.You like bathing in gasoline,stabbing yourself with carrots, andnibbling off wires to public computers at libraries and Internet cafés,and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date on other planets.But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever my herpes sores erupt.
I'd really like us to become a Heathcliff and Catherine-like ghost couple and creep out softhearted onlookers in our restless afterlife,if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, but then I woke up and realised that it was just a dream.
Take care of yourself and never forget that it's going to take more than a restraining order to keep me away from our children — they are mine too and I will not be denied them.