Dear John letter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Letter Background

Wax seal
Ink spot2


Bouncywikilogo6
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Dear John letter.

190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 8 December 2006
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/08 December 2006Template:FA/2006</includeonly>
Hand pencil
Sunday, December 4, 2016  

Dear Mr. President,

By the time you read this, I'll be omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but I have stolen three nuclear warheads and am planning to commit suicide by detonating them (in midtown New York, just to spice things up).

I know this might seem like a crappy thing to do to you, seeing as we made all those plans to visit Easter Island and go on an egg hunt, but I just don't see things working out that way.

I'm sorry about this — sorry that I didn't take the chance to get rid of you last month, but I promise I'll make up for it the next time we meet. I just need to kick you while you're down, before the snooker comes on the telly.

I want to tell you that I think you are like a senile old parrot, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are an atheist, and I am worried about it. You like trying to fit inside sewer drains, scratching yourself publicly, and writing love letters to Bob Saget, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date our respective parents, if only so we can feel unfaithful again. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever someone asks me to define the word "promiscuous".

I'd really like us to become road sweepers or something, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, nah; I'm just screwing with you.

Take care of yourself and never forget all the people we've killed together.

God bless you,

~ Quinn the eskimo.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects