Dear John letter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Redirected from Dear John Letter
Jump to: navigation, search
Letter Background

Wax seal
Ink spot3


Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia think they have an article about Dear John letter.

190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 8 December 2006
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/08 December 2006Template:FA/2006</includeonly>
Hand pencil
Sunday, December 17, 2017  

Dear yesterday's news,

By the time you read this, I'll be burning in hell for my sins. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but to be honest, I'd be more sorry if I were to stay.

I know this might seem like , complicated, bewildering, and kind of erotic to you, seeing as we made all those plans to trade all our remaining STDs even-steven, but I just don't see things working out that way.

I'm sorry about this — really. No, really. Those are teardrops on the letter, and not spittle from laughter. I just need more space. Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan is sounding pretty nice to me right now.

I want to tell you that I think you are a..well...um...okay, nice...yeah...maybe, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are the latest addition to my evergrowing list of people I'm planning to kill, and I am everything you will never be. You like traveling to other cities and show up uninvited at total strangers birthday parties, playing with your pasta meals until it looks like the Flying Spaghetti Monster before proceeding to eat it, and watching DaxFlame on YouTube while singing "Lucy in the Sky of Diamonds", and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date on Isle of Man. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever and wherever. Just joshing you. You suck.

I'd really like us to become road sweepers or something, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, while we were three thousand miles away from each other.

Take care of yourself and never forget to eat your vegetables.

Fuck you,

~ The Speaking Clock.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects