By the time you read this, I'll be saving a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gecko.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but I don't think I could restrain myself from laughing about what I saw last night.
I know this might seem like a kick in the nutsto you, seeing as we made all those plans to visit Easter Island and go on an egg hunt, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — mostly.I just need need need needneed... well; I can't quite remember.
I want to tell you that I think you are not as strong in the Force as the Emperor thought, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are one of Evil Bert's sinister henchmen,and I am into bodysurfing.You like beating yourself up in front of a mirror,dating circus midgets, andgas tungsten arc welding,and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date but only so I'll get another shot at killing your for real.But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I find another piece of Titanic buried in my backyard.
I'd really like us to become snobbish self-styled intellectuals who always change the subject to 19th century Russian literature in order to look smart everytime a third person approaches,if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, at least when we turned the clock forward a few hours and then pretended that something nice happened during that time (whereas nothing at all happened, really).
Take care of yourself and never forget that I'm no longer in a coma.
That'll teach you,
~ The itsy bitsy spider.
P.S. I think I ran over your mom with my car earlier today. At least I think it was her, but there wasn't much left to identify... D.S.