By the time you read this, I'll be burning in hell for my sins.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but to be honest, I'd be more sorry if I were to stay.
I know this might seem like , complicated, bewildering, and kind of eroticto you, seeing as we made all those plans to trade all our remaining STDs even-steven, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — really. No, really. Those are teardrops on the letter, and not spittle from laughter.I just need more space. Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan is sounding pretty nice to me right now.
I want to tell you that I think you are a..well...um...okay, nice...yeah...maybe, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are the latest addition to my evergrowing list of people I'm planning to kill,and I am everything you will never be.You like traveling to other cities and show up uninvited at total strangers birthday parties,playing with your pasta meals until it looks like the Flying Spaghetti Monster before proceeding to eat it, andwatching DaxFlame on YouTube while singing "Lucy in the Sky of Diamonds",and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date on Isle of Man.But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever and wherever. Just joshing you. You suck.
I'd really like us to become road sweepers or something,if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, while we were three thousand miles away from each other.
Take care of yourself and never forget to eat your vegetables.