By the time you read this, I'll be hitchhiking to Wal-Mart to choose your replacement.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but well... no, I'm not sorry. Lying was always my worst problem with you, and I'm sorry. No. No, I'm not.
I know this might seem like a disappointing turn for the worseto you, seeing as we made all those plans to infiltrate the "Save the Children" organization and shamelessly purloin their charity funds, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — at least so long as I remain high.I just need to engage in homicidal behavior on a massive scale. It can not be corrected but I have no other way to fulfill my needs.
I want to tell you that I think you are like an impudent grain of sand, warring against a raging ocean, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are from another dimension,and I am a member of a religion that has repeatedly confirmed that people like that are going to burn in hell.You like bungee jumping from church steeples,insult sword fighting, andwatching animal porn,and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date each other as soon as possible, since the Internet connection on my computer isn't working, and I figured I could browse through your computer during our "date".But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever my house is in need of some serious cleaning up.
I'd really like us to become people that ignore each other in public,if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, nah; I'm just screwing with you.