By the time you read this, I'll be pushing up the daisies.I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but my eyes have yet to fully recover from last week when your wig fell off.
I know this might seem like I'm into polygamy or something just because I have five wives at the same time, but Elisab... Rebecca... umm, I mean Sarah, you're the only one who truly matters, I swear. Surely our time together must still mean somethingto you, seeing as we made all those plans to enter the Guinness Book of World Records by the becoming the first couple ever to watch "The Cure for Insomnia" without falling asleep, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — well; not really. I just thought it'd sound good.I just need more sex, and for longer than the 3 minutes and 2 inches you're able to provide... or was it the other way around? Anyway...
I want to tell you that I think you are really quite adequate, but I don't think we're right for each other.First of all, we're not really compatible. You are a balloon animal fan,and I am not you.You like projectile vomiting,painting your eyelids with pictures of eyeballs, andsewing extra limbs onto your body,and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date just as long as you are willing to spend half your life hanging by your pinkie toes, for that's the type of torture I have planned for you..But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I see a couple screaming at each other in public.
I'd really like us to become engaged in a brutal medieval fight to the death with the good ole' armour, horse and lances (but only if I get to win),if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, before the police accidently found the body hidden in your closet.
Take care of yourself and never forget that I'm being entirely serious.