Dear John letter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Dear John)
Jump to: navigation, search
Letter Background

Wax seal
Ink spot2


Bouncywikilogo5
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Dear John letter.

190px-Featured.png

Potatohead aqua Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 8 December 2006
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/08 December 2006Template:FA/2006</includeonly>
Hand pencil
Monday, September 26, 2016  

Dear Sir/Madam,

By the time you read this, I'll be eating myself to death at a McDonald's restaurant. I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but it's not like the world isn't going to end on December 21, 2012 anyway.

I know this might seem like an unexpected departure to you, seeing as we made all those plans to buy a million rubber ducks for all our retirement savings, but I just don't see things working out that way.

I'm sorry about this — or at least that's what you're supposed to say in these situations. I just need more time alone. No... More time away from you. All of it, really. Yeah. That's what I mean to say.

I want to tell you that I think you are the true identity of the Zodiac Killer, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not really compatible. You are a Democrat, and I am worried about it. You like sucking off the black guy that mows your lawn, painting your eyelids with pictures of eyeballs, and dissecting frogs with butterknives, and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things. How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date other species. But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever and wherever. Just joshing you. You suck.

I'd really like us to become an African-American comedy duo, if that's okay with you. I think we can do it. We had some good times, during my opiate daydream earlier today, after which I woke up to the cold and harsh reality again.

Take care of yourself and never forget that your psychiatrist thinks you're a jerk too.

Live long and prosper,

~ A million monkeys hitting randomly on typewriters.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects