The Church of Deal or No Deal

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The Church of Deal or No Deal is a religion started by Archbishop Noel Edmonds on October 31, 2005. The main belief system revolves around a being known as 'The Banker'.

Contents 1 Beliefs 1.1 The Banker 1.2 The Box 1.3 Noel Edmonds 2 Famous Practitioners 3 References In Popular Culture 4 See Also 5 External Links

edit Beliefs

edit The Banker

'The Banker', also often referred to as 'The Holy Accountant', is believed to be an omnipotent being who created the Heavens and the Earth, as well as The Box (see below). He also has a mortal son, Noel Edmonds, who cannot join his father in money Heaven until he spreads the gospel of Deal or No Deal to the masses. Once he has gained 10,007 followers, his task will be complete.

The followers of the Church of Deal or No Deal are against any attempt to depict the Banker in any other way than as the conduit through which he speaks - a telephone.

A Danish newspaper caused controversy in 2006 when it printed satirical cartoons of the Banker, drawn to look like Peter Sutcliffe, a further printing of the banker drawn to look like Mr. Blobby. Many members of the Church, which is based in Luxembourg, rioted in the European country, setting fire to effigies of the journalists and attacking the Danish embassy.

edit The Box

The Box, a red box with a folding top, believed to have been created by The Banker, allegedly contains the Meaning Of Life, the Elixir of Life, 20p in spare change, and the One Ring To Rule Them All.

It is believed the Banker created the Box before he created the Universe, and created the Universe simply as a place to put it.

edit Noel Edmonds

Noel Edmonds is the Banker's son and sole representative on Earth. He has dedicated his life to the pursuit of new members for the Church of Deal or No Deal. Throughout his career as a radio DJ and later a television presenter, Edmonds has spread the gospel of Deal or No Deal across the globe.

Edmonds was also the Archbishop of the Church's main cathedral in Luxemborg, where he staged weekly services, at 6pm on a Sunday evening. Since his death in 2009, the Church has been almost torn apart by a bitter power struggle between two rivals; Stevie Wonder, who claims to be Edmonds' illegitimate son by Princess Diana, and fossilized Bolshevik leader Leon Trotsky.

edit Famous Practitioners

• Madonna
• Guy Ritchie
• Jeremy Paxman
• David Tennant
• Basil Brush
• Chris Rock
• Jefferson Airplane
• Jefferson Starship
• Jesus
• David Essex
• Bruce Wayne
• Matt Bellamy
• Mr. Pickle (Jonathan Ross' dog)
• David Carradine
• Chuck Norris
• Sarah Palin
• Your mother
• Birkin

edit References In Popular Culture

• The gold glow of the suitcase in Pulp Fiction has been said to be a reference to the Box.
• Guy Ritchie's film Revolver is laced with references to Deal or No Deal ideas, symbols and numerological references.
• The TV show Deal or No Deal is said to be based on The Church of Deal or No Deal.

edit See Also

• Noel Edmonds

edit External Links

• The Church of Zeal or No Zeal