Dead or Alive (band)
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“He stole my look!”
Dead or Alive (also known as Pete Burns and the other guys) is a Liverpool band formed in 1980. It was a time of of record umemployment in that city so forming a band seemed a better prospect than looking for a job. The band is best known for mixing pirate chic, disco beat and running around with a gun..oh wait, that's Adam Ant...but Dead or Alive were actually even worse than that. They are still going.
The band was created by vocalist Pete Burns, a young, sexually confused hair stylist who decided to swop his blow waves for the chance to front a band and get his jollies back stage afterwards. He was joined by his friend, hippie keyboardist Martin 'Magneto' Healy. The two of them previously played in a very poor band called Nightmares in Drag. They were soon recruited by drummer Joe 'I-can't-hit-that-fucking-snare-drum-so-I-hit-toms' Musker, guitarist Adrian 'Mitch' Mitchley and bassist Sue Bangton-James.
After first two singles (I'm Falling and Number Eleven), Sue and Mitched were sacked (rumours said, that it was because they didn't want to have sex with Pete, but Sue later recalled, that her father threatened her, that if she would not leave that horrible band, he would shoot her) and replaced by Mike 'Slap-that-string-and-break-it' Percy and Wayne 'Wank' Hussey. The following release was EP It's Been Hours Now. After this release, Joe Musker's limited musical abilities were even too much for Burns so he replaced him with his closest friend (read - only friend) Steve Coy. However, apart from few songs, the drums on later records would be actually pre-recorded by drum machine, while Steve would only play some additional beats to it (this is exemplified in some of band's television appearances). At this point also, since gay marriages were prohibited then, Burns married Lynne Corlett, who is said to be the only woman (but not the only person) Burns actually had sex with.
Dead or Alive went on to record the The Stranger after which Healey was sacked for going out of fashion. His successor on the keyboards was Tim 'Very-busy-playing-three-instruments-at-once' Lever who helped move the band from playing to an audience of perfumed New Romantics to start playing dance music. Lever would actually record pretty much all the instruments since 1984 to 1989 (except bass, drums and lead vocals, though some say, he had done even some of that). Dead Or Alive then signed a record contract with Epic Fail Records.
With their first Epic single Misty Circles the new Dead or Alive line-up gained attention. But Wayne Hussey was not satisfied with the band's new genre so he unplugged his instruments and left. The band recorded their first album (initially titled Piss of the Spiderman) but renamed by their record company to Sophisticated H-Bomb Explosion. The band recorded their first music video for I Kan't Speel Dis Fucken Words (I'd Do Anything). It wasn't good.
The band finally hit pay dirt with their 1984 release Meatspin (You Spin Me Round Like A Record). The video that accompanied the song saw Burns dance on the spot and swing his hips whilst shaking his hair so much, the studio was filled with what seemed to be a cloud of dandruff but was later revealed to be Pete's coke stash, firmly glued to his scalp. Other songs off this second album Youthfuck were not so popular and Dead or Alive threatned their fans that if they didn't propel their songs to the top slot, the band would stop playing live. However, the real reason was that Burns decided the rest of the band's combined ugliness were have a detrimental impact on his own post-gig pulling power. From then on, the band only did lip-sync.
Dead or Alive got their own back on everyone with their third album release Mad Bad And Dangerous To Suck Under That Horse. But it rarely pays to blow farts at your fans and so this album's sales dropped were not so good. To cap it all, the album's controversial inclusion of bestiality alienated more fans and ended any hope Dead or Alive playing any gigs at the prestigious Ascot Racecourse. The Jockey Club threatened to 'horse whip' the scoundrel.
After the album Nude (But Not Really), Percy and Lever left because they realised, Pete Burns was rapidly lose his cool (and hair) and instead they went on to become music producers (though their new stuff was only a bit better, if not even worse). Another member, Jason Alburey came on board the metaphorical sinking ship. He was also criss-crossing the gender boundaries, like just like Pete Burns. Although Alburey joined the band in 1989 and appeared in the music video for Come Home And Suck My Balls Baby, he didn't actually record anything until 1995 album Nukleoradiatiochemoterapia. At this point, Pete Burns underwent series of plastic surgeries, that transformed him into a woman (though the voice remained) so (s)he changed name to Lady Gaga. In 2003, Alburey and Coy exited, because at this point, nobody could stand Gaga-Burns. He/She had started to whine about how hard it was to be a Lesbian when every woman the 'Poker Face' met, were convinced Gaga-Burns was just a very bad drag artist.
- Sophisticated H-Bomb Explosion
- Mad, Bad And Dangerous To Suck Under That Horse
- Nude (But Not Really)
- Douse The Flame
- I'm Falling
- Number Eleven
- It's Been Hours Now
- The Stranger
- Misty Circles
- What I Want Is Another Hit
- I Kan't Speel Dis Fucken Words (I'd Do Anything)
- That's The Way, Uh-uh, Uh-uh, I Like It (Keep That, Keep That Body Strong)
- Meatspin (You Spin Me Round Like A Record)
- Brand New Song (Only Kidding)
- I-i-i-i Am Being Haunted (Something In My House)
- Turn Around & Count 2 10 (As My Career Goes Plug Hole Bound)
- Come Home And Suck My Balls Baby
- Another Remix
- Just Another Remix (I Need Some Money)
- I Forgot How To Write Songs