UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  2. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  3. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  4. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  5. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  6. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  7. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  8. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  9. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  10. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  11. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  12. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  13. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  14. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  15. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  16. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  17. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  18. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  19. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  20. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  21. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  22. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  23. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  24. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  25. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  26. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  27. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  28. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  29. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  30. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  31. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  32. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  33. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  34. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  35. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  36. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  37. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  38. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  39. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  40. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  41. To golf tofu, is to golf affably
  42. To golf tofu, is to golf {{adv})
  43. Dracula is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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