UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

Straight talk, from straight faces

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  2. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  3. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  4. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  5. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  6. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  7. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  8. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  9. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  10. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  11. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  12. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  13. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  14. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  15. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  16. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  17. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  18. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  19. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  20. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  21. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  22. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  23. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  24. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  25. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  26. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  27. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  28. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  29. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  30. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  31. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  32. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  33. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  34. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  35. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  36. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  37. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  38. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  39. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  40. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  41. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena endlessly
  42. To subpoena a hub cap, is to subpoena {{adv})
  43. Paris Hilton is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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