UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  2. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  3. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  4. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  5. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  6. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  7. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  8. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  9. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  10. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  11. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  12. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  13. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  14. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  15. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  16. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  17. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  18. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  19. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  20. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  21. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  22. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  23. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  24. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  25. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  26. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  27. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  28. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  29. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  30. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  31. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  32. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  33. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  34. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  35. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  36. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  37. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  38. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  39. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  40. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  41. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate puzzlingly
  42. To incinerate a tooth, is to incinerate {{adv})
  43. Condoleeza Rice is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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