UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  2. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  3. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  4. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  5. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  6. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  7. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  8. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  9. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  10. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  11. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  12. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  13. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  14. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  15. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  16. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  17. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  18. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  19. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  20. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  21. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  22. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  23. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  24. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  25. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  26. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  27. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  28. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  29. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  30. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  31. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  32. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  33. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  34. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  35. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  36. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  37. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  38. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  39. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  40. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  41. To activate a jellybean, is to activate brutally
  42. To activate a jellybean, is to activate {{adv})
  43. Tony Soprano is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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