UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  2. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  3. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  4. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  5. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  6. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  7. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  8. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  9. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  10. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  11. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  12. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  13. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  14. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  15. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  16. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  17. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  18. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  19. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  20. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  21. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  22. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  23. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  24. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  25. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  26. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  27. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  28. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  29. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  30. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  31. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  32. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  33. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  34. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  35. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  36. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  37. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  38. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  39. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  40. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  41. To prove a bikini, is to prove raucously
  42. To prove a bikini, is to prove {{adv})
  43. Barney the Dinosaur is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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