UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  2. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  3. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  4. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  5. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  6. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  7. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  8. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  9. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  10. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  11. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  12. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  13. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  14. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  15. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  16. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  17. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  18. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  19. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  20. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  21. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  22. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  23. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  24. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  25. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  26. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  27. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  28. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  29. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  30. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  31. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  32. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  33. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  34. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  35. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  36. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  37. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  38. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  39. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  40. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  41. To widen a rake, is to widen fondly
  42. To widen a rake, is to widen {{adv})
  43. Vince McMahon is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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