UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

The one that Univisión did not buy out

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  2. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  3. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  4. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  5. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  6. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  7. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  8. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  9. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  10. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  11. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  12. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  13. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  14. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  15. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  16. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  17. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  18. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  19. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  20. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  21. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  22. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  23. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  24. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  25. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  26. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  27. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  28. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  29. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  30. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  31. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  32. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  33. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  34. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  35. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  36. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  37. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  38. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  39. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  40. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  41. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate mundanely
  42. To deteriorate a tomato, is to deteriorate {{adv})
  43. Michael Moore is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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