UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  2. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  3. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  4. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  5. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  6. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  7. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  8. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  9. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  10. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  11. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  12. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  13. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  14. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  15. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  16. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  17. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  18. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  19. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  20. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  21. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  22. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  23. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  24. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  25. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  26. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  27. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  28. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  29. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  30. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  31. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  32. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  33. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  34. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  35. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  36. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  37. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  38. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  39. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  40. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  41. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate apathetically
  42. To ejaculate a plague, is to ejaculate {{adv})
  43. Ringo Starr is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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