UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  2. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  3. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  4. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  5. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  6. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  7. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  8. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  9. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  10. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  11. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  12. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  13. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  14. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  15. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  16. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  17. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  18. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  19. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  20. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  21. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  22. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  23. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  24. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  25. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  26. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  27. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  28. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  29. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  30. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  31. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  32. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  33. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  34. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  35. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  36. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  37. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  38. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  39. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  40. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  41. To curate a banana, is to curate hatefully
  42. To curate a banana, is to curate {{adv})
  43. Leonard Bernstein is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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