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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  2. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  3. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  4. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  5. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  6. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  7. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  8. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  9. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  10. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  11. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  12. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  13. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  14. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  15. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  16. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  17. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  18. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  19. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  20. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  21. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  22. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  23. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  24. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  25. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  26. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  27. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  28. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  29. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  30. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  31. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  32. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  33. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  34. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  35. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  36. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  37. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  38. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  39. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  40. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  41. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify unsympathetically
  42. To pwnify a banana, is to pwnify {{adv})
  43. Pee-wee Herman is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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