UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  2. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  3. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  4. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  5. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  6. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  7. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  8. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  9. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  10. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  11. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  12. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  13. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  14. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  15. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  16. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  17. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  18. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  19. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  20. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  21. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  22. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  23. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  24. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  25. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  26. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  27. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  28. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  29. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  30. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  31. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  32. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  33. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  34. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  35. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  36. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  37. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  38. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  39. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  40. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  41. To smash a muskrat, is to smash fondly
  42. To smash a muskrat, is to smash {{adv})
  43. Rupert Murdoch is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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