UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  2. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  3. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  4. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  5. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  6. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  7. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  8. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  9. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  10. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  11. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  12. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  13. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  14. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  15. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  16. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  17. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  18. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  19. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  20. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  21. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  22. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  23. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  24. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  25. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  26. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  27. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  28. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  29. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  30. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  31. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  32. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  33. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  34. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  35. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  36. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  37. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  38. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  39. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  40. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  41. To burninate a stick, is to burninate continuously
  42. To burninate a stick, is to burninate {{adv})
  43. Shaquille O'Neal is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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