UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  2. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  3. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  4. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  5. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  6. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  7. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  8. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  9. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  10. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  11. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  12. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  13. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  14. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  15. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  16. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  17. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  18. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  19. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  20. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  21. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  22. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  23. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  24. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  25. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  26. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  27. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  28. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  29. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  30. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  31. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  32. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  33. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  34. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  35. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  36. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  37. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  38. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  39. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  40. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  41. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen frantically
  42. To weazen a lobster, is to weazen {{adv})
  43. Hugh Hefner is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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