UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  2. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  3. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  4. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  5. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  6. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  7. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  8. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  9. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  10. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  11. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  12. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  13. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  14. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  15. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  16. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  17. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  18. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  19. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  20. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  21. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  22. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  23. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  24. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  25. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  26. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  27. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  28. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  29. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  30. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  31. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  32. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  33. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  34. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  35. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  36. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  37. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  38. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  39. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  40. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  41. To deport a pen, is to deport rudely
  42. To deport a pen, is to deport {{adv})
  43. Dr. Phil is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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