UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  2. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  3. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  4. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  5. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  6. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  7. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  8. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  9. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  10. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  11. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  12. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  13. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  14. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  15. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  16. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  17. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  18. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  19. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  20. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  21. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  22. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  23. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  24. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  25. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  26. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  27. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  28. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  29. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  30. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  31. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  32. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  33. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  34. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  35. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  36. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  37. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  38. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  39. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  40. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  41. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize rudely
  42. To burglarize a rock, is to burglarize {{adv})
  43. Kyle Broflovski is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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