UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  2. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  3. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  4. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  5. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  6. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  7. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  8. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  9. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  10. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  11. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  12. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  13. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  14. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  15. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  16. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  17. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  18. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  19. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  20. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  21. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  22. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  23. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  24. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  25. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  26. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  27. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  28. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  29. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  30. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  31. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  32. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  33. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  34. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  35. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  36. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  37. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  38. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  39. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  40. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  41. To execrate a cake, is to execrate verbosely
  42. To execrate a cake, is to execrate {{adv})
  43. Elvis Presley is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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