UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  2. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  3. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  4. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  5. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  6. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  7. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  8. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  9. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  10. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  11. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  12. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  13. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  14. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  15. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  16. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  17. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  18. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  19. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  20. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  21. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  22. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  23. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  24. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  25. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  26. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  27. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  28. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  29. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  30. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  31. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  32. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  33. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  34. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  35. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  36. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  37. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  38. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  39. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  40. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  41. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect audaciously
  42. To detect an encyclopedia, is to detect {{adv})
  43. Stephen Sondheim is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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