UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  2. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  3. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  4. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  5. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  6. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  7. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  8. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  9. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  10. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  11. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  12. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  13. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  14. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  15. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  16. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  17. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  18. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  19. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  20. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  21. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  22. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  23. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  24. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  25. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  26. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  27. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  28. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  29. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  30. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  31. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  32. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  33. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  34. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  35. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  36. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  37. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  38. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  39. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  40. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  41. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate thoroughly
  42. To suffocate a hybrid engine, is to suffocate {{adv})
  43. Donald Trump is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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