UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”
~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


edit The 43 Lost Proverbs

  1. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  2. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  3. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  4. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  5. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  6. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  7. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  8. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  9. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  10. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  11. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  12. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  13. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  14. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  15. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  16. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  17. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  18. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  19. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  20. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  21. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  22. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  23. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  24. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  25. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  26. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  27. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  28. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  29. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  30. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  31. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  32. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  33. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  34. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  35. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  36. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  37. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  38. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  39. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  40. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  41. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate hoarsely
  42. To liberate an operating system, is to liberate {{adv})
  43. Malcolm X is a real peach.

edit Sources

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

edit Notes

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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