Dead Rising
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Dead Rising is the story behind the events of the legendary Willamette, Colorado told through the Xbox 360 game console/pipe bomb kit. These events follow Frank West as he karate chops his way through the countless undead ghouls of the semi-mythological town on his quest for world domination and legal zombie discrimination.
Contents |
[edit] Synopsis
Your face
[edit] Characters
[edit] Frank West
Small time reporter, Frank West goes from shrimpy geek with a camera to "Super Army Soldier" who can single handedly rip out someones intestines with a singal punch or twist someones head off. Frank West likes orange juice and he spends his spare time in the toilet wacking off over 2 inch square pictures of Jessie, Isabella and his brother from another mother Otis. Frank appears to be bent on getting Dr Barnaby arrested- he feels inferior to that rich old man. Frank later proves that he is an incarnation of captain Falcon. Catch phrase, "I'm Frank West Motherfucker" he can also easly deafeat people who have Shotguns,Chainsaws,Swords,Bombs,Sniper Rifles and Machine Guns (wtf) He has also covered wars.
[edit] Jessica McCarney
Brad's Bitch! Fully pimped out spring loaded tits with nipples that could cut glass. She uses zombification as an excuse to get extremely kinky with two special forces-skins guys. A kinky bondage session lead to both of them dying. Catch phrase, "I've covered pornos y'know!!
Please note, that she will often do things which are rather dumb... she couldn't tell that Dr Barnaby was infected with zombie STD's and caught them from him. She will engage in sexual acts with Otis the janitor and Dr Russell Barnaby when nobody else is around.
[edit] Dr Russell Barnaby AKA The Professor
The strange old senile man who seems to be completely confused and unaware of his surroundings. An awkward hispanic man (Carlito Keyes) phoned Dr Barnaby and told him to go to Willamette if he wanted more viagra- the scientists at the laboratory share out their supplies but there has been less since the worldwide economic crisis. So, he hopped onto the next bus with his senior citizen pass and found himself in the middle of a zombie outbreak. He was pissed because he had survived the disaster in Santa Cabeza, only to find that he would have to escape an even bigger outbreak of infection. He hid himself in a bookstore and waited in there... Carlito broke in and fucked his sickly body! Then he dragged Dr Barnaby and suspended him from the ceiling. An Ampulex Compressa Giganteus (Wasp) soon stung him, infecting him with a parasitic larvae. Dr Barnaby develops Frontotemporal Dementia (which changes personality) and begins to rape Jessie Mccarney after finding the super mega viagra, however this causes him to suffer a heart attack, liver faliure, incontinence and a diabetic seizure. Dr Barnaby carries zombie STD's due to an accident at the Santa Cabeza research laboratory, however, Jessie didn't wear protection when they made love in that small room, after slamming the door on Frank.
[edit] Brad, just Brad
Pimp. follows Jessie around to make sure she ain't keeping some money for her self. Brad is actually based on famous movie star Samuel L. Jackson. Enjoys waving his pistol around and ordering people to get him a soda. Brad has an itchy pimp hand because he only has one bitch. He is killed when Him and Carlito fight over the fact of which is better, coke, or pepsi, in which he is thrown in a room full of zombies, who really hate pepsi he was then tortured by the zombies who made him drink vast amounts of Coke... Catch phrase "I've had it with these motherfucking zombies in this motherfucking mall"
[edit] Cuban Whore
Famous concubine and motorcycle enthusiast. Likes being a cunt to people and long rides on the countryside. Has a magical force field given to her from Sparta that knocks people across the fucking room every time she comes within 10 fucking feet of you on that stupid bike. Frank utilizes one of his most crucial skills, The Pimp Slap (passed down to him from brad) to knock her candy ass off the bike and make her his bitch. Catch phrase "Hj 5 dolla, Bj 10 dolla, Zj... credit card"
[edit] Some Mexican Guy (AKA Carlito)
Mastermind of the zombie invasion and employee of the month at Chipotle. Was somehow able to build a secret hideout and plant bombs throughout a famous shopping mall without getting caught by mall security. As the ridiculously stupid plot thickens, it is revealed that his old name was Luis Sera, before being mutilated by some 80 year old dude with a freakishly deformed wang. He then smoked the legendary herb known as "El Goodo Shito" to completely heal his wounds, make him think he received greater strength and speed, and also gained a pair of perpetually bloodshot eyeballs. Catch Phrase, "That sack is so 40 bucks, bro. Just, just break those nugs up, you'll see that is 40 easy... I am not dickin you nigga! This is good shit!"
[edit] Is Frank West Really Chuck Norris?
It has been rumored that Frank is really Chuck Norris, however these rumors have been debunked. Despite overwheling evidence (karate chops, round house kicks, etc.) Frank has not proven that he is indeed the mythical ass-kicker of legend.
However, he is a close friend to Jackie Chan. He didn't earn his amazing fighting powers until one day Jackie Chan was drunk and turned into a zombie. Normally, a bite from a zombie would turn the victim into a zombie too. But thanks to Frank having a high level of resistance to zombie bites, he instead had superpowers transferred to him, as well as Jackie Chan's awesome factor, giving him fighting skizzalz. Other sources claim that Frank is a good friend of Steven Seagal. This statement has caused some argument within society. Currently there is a war raging between those who like Steven and those who don't; did we mention that Frank covered that war? Those who go against Steven Seagal are losing the battle. This might be due to the fact that Steven is breaking their necks as we speak. One poor soul was foolish enough to call Steven fat. This insanely foolish individual now breathes through a tube and has an IQ of 2.
Someone that is old enough to be your grandfather, can give round-house kicks, kill zombies by kicking soccer balls at them, kill hordes of Grues single-handedly, and still find time to flirt with hot Hispanic chicks on motorcycles is not necessarily Chuck Norris. Frank West is just a fan and an observer of Chuck Norris, and also fears him. If he were to find Chuck Norris, he will die by the infernal staring contest Chuck does.
[edit] The Production and Rights to Dead Rising
After Frank West escaped into the outside world, he ran a documentary detailing his experiences in the mall on National Geographic. This attracted many viewers, which prompted Bill Gates and Megaman to purchase the rights to his story and put it into an Xbox 360 video game.
Megaman deemed a story about zombies in a mall attacking survivors to be uninteresting, so he added things that clearly didn't fit in an attempt to make the game more appealing to a wider crowd. He added things such as Mexican terrorists, clowns with chainsaws, hot lesbian women being molested by Rosie O'Donnell, lighting a Goth kid's crotch on fire, a technologically advanced AI to the survivors (making them run into walls and attack each other), a wild Cletus, and Megaman's own Mega Buster.
Millions were sold.
[edit] Dead Rising on the TV
There have also been rumors of a Dead Rising TV show in the works, though not much is known about it at this point.However, we are under the impresion that the show will have zombies, Jackie Chan, and guest appearances by Chuck Noris and Jay Leno staring as "kick ass hero guy" and zombie #76 respectively. Further rumours about a movie have been spread,with Michael Moore starring as the zombie Jesus and Raven-Symoné starring as some zombie bitch with a gun named... I dunno... Simone Ravendark or something.
[edit] Controversy
Many protestors from around the world, especially from gay rights groups, are seeking to ban the video game version of Dead Rising around the world. These groups are offended by Frank's use of "queens", who he constantly abuses.
Meeting a queen in the mall is quite commonplace in the game. First, Frank must mix up a sweet liquor, known as "Nectar", or he must free a queen from a zombie holding it captive. Once the queen sees Frank, they will be attracted by the awesome factor mentioned earlier, and want to stick their stingers somewhere on him. Unfortunately, Frank will only pretend to be gay just so that he can cram them into magic yellow jars that he conjures out of nowhere, and waits for the perfect time to hurl the defenseless queens into a crowd of zombies. And to make matters worse, Frank must capture mass amounts of queens to bring back to his cuban sex slave, who performs inhumane experiments on them all.
