Dead Nigger Storage

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 23:42, August 3, 2007 by Mhaille (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search
Deadniggerstorage

Notification Signs detailing the service should be displayed in a prominent position to avoid any unfortunate misunderstandings.

Bouncywikilogo3
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Dead Nigger Storage.
“I told you, it ain't my business!”
~ Quentin Tarantino on Dead Nigger Storage
“It was an accident, right! Like Battlefield Earth!”
~ John Travolta on Storing Dead Niggers

Dead Nigger Storage Inc is a successful business founded in 1994 by Toluca Lake, Los Angeles resident Jimmie Dimmick, after a misunderstanding with two acquaintances from the local underworld. In an interview made in 2004 with Pulp Magazine, Dimmick stated that the idea for his business originally came from his dealings with a mysterious "Mr Wolfe" several years previously.

Dead Nigger Storage Inc is publicly traded on the Nasdaq stock market under the symbol DEDNIG.

Business Overview

The business focuses on a simple service provision as the basis for their corporate offering, namely the creation of storage facilities specially built to store dead and/or decaying afro-americans. With offices in Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, Dead Nigger Storage Inc now has more branches throughout the Confederate States of America than both KFC and Big Kahuna Burgers combined.

Originally run from Jimmie and Bonnie Dimmick's garage, the business' growth rate within the first few months of operating forced them into a rethink. In 1998, the Dimmicks purchased Monster Joe's Truck and Tow in Downtown Los Angeles, which has remained their base of operations to this day.

With the catchy friendly slogan of "Storing Dead Niggers is our business" Dead Nigger Storage Inc remains a market leader at the forefront of ethnic minority storage, despite the recent upsurge in the market for companies such as Jews on Ice and the Cracker Barrel.

Very recently, Dead Niger Storage Inc has expanded into a chain with several branches outside of the United States. Though each branch outside the USA are largely similar to their American counterparts, most customers note a handful of "little differences". For example, in America one can store a decapitated Nigerian. In the Paris branch, however, one stores un Nigirié guillotin. In general, dead niggers are still called dead niggers, but over there they're called les dead niggers.

Traditional Methods of Storing Dead Niggers

Lynch

Traditional storage techniques from early Colonial times indicate that the proceedure was a community pastime. Strange fruit, indeed.

“You know what they preserve dead niggers with in Holland instead of synthetic petroleum based chemical preservatives? Mayonnaise.”
~ Vincent Vega on storing Dead Niggers

Many individuals have struggled with the issue of dead nigger storage, including Jefferson Davis and John C. Calhoun who favoured the time-attested methodology of dry suspension, a technique that preserved by hanging them in carefully controlled environments for up to 21 days.

Other techniques utilised include smoking, often over specially constructed firepits or pyre. Although this often provides a more pleasurable flavour and aroma, it often led to a complete burning of the subject.

Pulverization is often utilised, either through the use of sticks, or in more extreme case through "dragging", a technique thought to include a pick-up truck. Another practice designed to aid tenderization is referred to as "curbstomping".

Dead Nigger Storage in Popular Culture

Deadsnigger

Uncyclopedia contains numerous amusing references to Dead Nigger Storage.

Dead Nigger Storage is subtly referenced in 14 seperate Quentin Tarantino movies including Reservoir Dogs and the two Kill Bill films. The company also has numerous placements with Tarantino's latin lover Robert Rodriguez' movies, including The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

English Murder Mystery Writer Agatha Christie, referenced the company in perhaps her most famous work, Ten Dead Negroes made into the 1957 film The Only Good Injun is a Dead Injun. Perhaps her most famous reference remains the Hercule Poirot "quote" "Sacre bleu! C'est un dead negro, non?" in The Murder of Michael Donald.

One of the main accusations of racism aimed at George Lucas over his Star Wars franchise was his portrayal of certain species along stereotypical lines. Famously, in the scene when Jar Jar Binks is fatally wounded in the head a small sign can be seen in the background stating "Dead Gungan Storage".

See Also

Good Small Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page—you can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
Personal tools
projects