Dead Baby Syndrome
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“People with that are wild, man, they're always asking me if I have children, man!!!”
“Ah yes, I had that once... Dr. House cured me. It took him about 5 tries though...”
“Oh yeah I heard about that... came from China right?”
Dead Baby Syndrome (DBS) is a variant form of rabies, and the symptoms include, but arent limited to: laughing, ROFL, LMAO, foaming at the mouth, stomach cramps, and severe weakness due to tremors. A very strange side effect of DBS is the effectee starts speaking universal truths such as
illegal immigrants Mexicans should say in Guatemala, or the only risk Black people are in is being patronized to death. Though they speak these truths, answers to questions like "What is the meaning of life?" (we all know the answer to that...) have never been answered by the victims. Most babid people, if they haven't been vaccinated, can't be helped. Like people with the Gay/Lesbian disease. But, if enough medicines are swallowed, such as methadone, adderoll, oxycontin, etc., it's been observed that this calms the victim.
The original originations of DBS, like any English word in the dictionary, are unknown. Perhaps it came from penis's in the Middle East, contaminated by the uranium seeping out of the bombs stashed up their rears. Once, when Adolf H. was in his adolescence or in College (not the art college) he tried the infamous milk challenge. One of his smart ass friends decided to show him a picture of a dead Jewish baby that had been circulating around cell phones. Adolf H. started laughing so hard that it triggered the expulsion the half gallon of milk in his stomach. He pukelaughed for a couple minutes (maybe this is where the foaming at the mouth symptom comes from?) until his dorm room mother, Rosa Parks, who loved her
illegitimate son, lovingly told him to clean it up, or else she would whip him and make him pick cotton. Little Adolfo didn't hear her because he was rofl'ing, but not to worry, his dog, Eva Braun, came and drank up all the pukemilk. A subtler, less known theory of origination is the ancient practice of dog fighting. Not two feisty teenage girls. Real dog fighting. The kind the Michael Vick does. The Romans practiced this before they had an abundant source of Jews or Christians, but they couldn't nail the losing dog to a cross because its legs weren't thick enough for spike to stay in. The Romans had mini colloseums before Nero made 'da big one,' and their main past time, besides killing Gauls, was dog fighting. There is much strategy in this sport, like dodging Fed and animal rights activist's claims of animal abuse. Also Ann Coulter. The biggest and most famous dog of those days was Doggy Bonds. We know how he got big.
ZOMBIES EAT BABIES!
There is speculation from the guys in the white coats holding microscopes... what do you call them? Anyways, there is speculation on the causes of contraction. Most of the more highly educated portion of the populace says you contract it by too much exposure to dead baby jokes. Others think this theory is completely untrue as they are avid seekers of dead baby jokes. Some say you can get it from eating dead babies... but who eats dead babies when you can get 'em fresh from the market for 1.99 +tax? Well, the market in Juarez, Mexico, anway. But you can get anything there, like bottles of sludge from the Rio Pequeno.
If you don't want DBS, don't read this!
- What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.
- How did the dead baby cross the road? In my lunch box.
- What's the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't keep a Ferrari in my garage.
- What's the difference between a truck of bowling balls and a truck of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
- What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
- Whats more fun than a dead baby spinning at 100rpm? Stopping it with a shovel.
- What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? My Ferrari isn't covered in semen.