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David Mamet: A play by David Mamet. Premiered 2010 at the Uncyclopedia Arts Festival, in cooperation with the Steppenwolf Theatre Company.
- Joe Mantegna as David Mamet
- Rebecca Pidgeon as Lindsay Crouse
David: Hello. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Lindsay: Are you David-
David: What do you want?
Lindsay: Mamet? Are you David Mamet?
David: You want to know about David Mamet? The fuck? Is that what you want?
David: Proof. You want proof?
Lindsay: Proof of-
David: Proof. Nothing was ever proved.
David: OK. OK? I will tell you. I will tell you what you want to know. I will tell you.
David: Now? Does that answer your question? Fuck. What did I just tell you?
David: Fuck. (Pause) What did I just tell you before I said "does that answer your question"? Fuck. I told you that "nothing was ever proved." (Pause) Did I tell you that? I did tell you that. Nothing was ever proved. (Pause) I rest my case.
David: What evidence do we really have that any of this story is true? What kind of proof? I will tell you. None! I just told you that.
Lindsay: David is-
David: Why are you asking me about David Mamet? (Pause) Why are you asking me about David Mamet? Why are are you asking me about David Mamet? Are you a fucking-?
Lindsay: Is it that you (Pause) are an essentially trusting person?
(The phone rings. David answers)
Lindsay: Do ...you see me as trustworthy?
David (into phone): No. Please. (to Lindsay): Do you have an urgent need to trust people? Would you like to make love with me?
David: Since you trust me, ...(Pause) Now I will tell you the truth.
David: (To phone) Hello...? Fuck. (hangs up phone, speaks to Lindsay) The truth is what I will tell you. (pause) Does that satisfy you? Does that prove what you have been saying?
David: I hope it does. I hope it does. You are in a lot of trouble. (pause) You are in a lot of trouble. It just goes to show. It just goes to show.
David: What does it just go to show? That nothing was ever proved. Fuck.