David Hewlett

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“How can so little vitality and pathos co-exist in such a imperfect body?”
~ David Hewlett
Davidhewlett

David Hewlett in a rare photograph of his crime-fighting outfit.

David Ian Hewlett (born 18 April 1968) is an English-Canadian crime-fighting actor who has juggled careers in politics, art, science, and religion. Although this is now a common combination for famous Canadians, Hewlett is believed to have been the first to combine the two careers. His diverse activities have made him a hero to many Canadians, and it is not uncommon to be accosted on the streets of Toronto by enthusiasts wanting to know if you've "experienced the love of David" yet.

edit Early life

Born in Surrey, England, Hewlett was the son of the British actor Tom Baker and younger brother of musician Liam Howlett of The Prodigy. At age four, the family emigrated to Canada.

Fattening up to hide his superhuman muscular formation, Hewlett trained in the arts of the ninja and the Batman while helping to found popular beat combo Hewlett-Packard. He describes his childhood as like unto that of Jesus, combining the usual dramatics of youth with the knowledge that he was meant for great things.

edit Career

Hewlett made his motion picture debut in 1997's Cube. He performed all his own stunt work, including being dropped from a 20 meter height and being beaten into submission with a shoe. He lived on the single-room set for the entire length of the shoot to add to the realism of his character.

Outside the Great White North, Hewlett is best known for his work on Stargate and its spin-off Stargate Atlantis. He brings with him his extensive expertise in the field of science, and his passion for fighting crime. Each episode now ends with a short monologue from Hewlett on the best means of preventing and fighting against certain types of crime. He also longs to follow in his fathers footsteps and become The Doctor...

It is a known fact that David on many occasions has saved the world, as in the Documentary Series "David Hewlett saves the world again". David managed to build a backwards chronologically powered fundamentally physical menstruation particle acceleration perambulator which managed to defeat the Wraith, Goa'Uld, Daleks and Michael Jackson from kidnapping the entire child population of Earth and her sister planet "The Goon...eh i mean Moon, sorry." but all those times he was saving the world for the rule of the APES!!!

edit Controversy

The "love of David" is the source of much criticism inside Canada, with at least ten percent of Canadians believed to be the fruit of his crime-fighting loins. Anecdotal evidence relates his travels to other nations to brief population booms those nations have endured. It is for this reason that Wales continues its campaign to seduce Hewlett with its mighty mountains and suggestive valleys.

There are also claims that his vigilante crime-fighting exploits have seriously hurt the criminal-economy of Canada, with a corresponding decrease in sales of guns, ammunition and mob contracts. As the prisons of Canada head towards unsustainable over-crowding, there are many who argue that it is time for Hewlett to hang up his spandex and retire to a more comfortable life.

edit See also

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