David Barrett

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DaveBarrett

David Barrett, 1968

Nathaniel Greene Harper Blouse Johnny David ("Syd") Barrett (1968-1968) was the name of Syd Barrett and David Gilmour's musical duo when Syd Barrett's body was partially taken over by David Gilmour after God punished him for huffing kittens. David Barrett caused a significant negative influence wherever it was played, especially in the South American country of Lubjubquador where it was most popular. Some even say it lead to Disco.

Syd Barrett's Pink Floyd Years

In the early 1960's, Syd Barrett formed a musical group called The Pink Floyd. It's original lineup was Syd Barrett, Roger Waters, and Bob Geldof. After an unsuccessful career as a Barbershop Quartet, the trio began to enter into the short-lived London Knitting-Rock Underground. In 1965, at the Crochet Underground nightclub in London, Bob Geldof joined a few barely heterosexual men in the highly sociable practice of yarn huffing. For an unknown reason, when the session was over, Richard Wright and Nick Mason were sitting in his place. Since Pink Floyd, now a two-man trio barbershop quartet, required a few back-ups, Wright and Mason were officially contracted into the Pink Floyd lineup.

Pink

The cover of The Pink Album. Note it has no redeeming value.

The Pink Album

In 1967, Pink Floyd released their self-titled album Pink Floyd. It's album cover was originally going to be a beautiful painting of Venice by Nick Mason; however, Syd vomited onto the masterpiece after eating a whole bag of strawberry sugar wafers. The amazing depiction of Venice was now just a pink square. The band members, with nothing else to use, decided to use this as the album cover. This would go on to be Syd's only contribution to Pink Floyd, and it also caused it to be commonly called The Pink Album. It was nominated by The Rolling Doobie, Psychedelic Weekly, and even the Pink Floyd fanzine The Off-Pink Floyd as The Worst Album Ever Designed, but lost to Michael Jackson's album Touch It; however, it was a total market success due to it being confused to with the soundtrack to Pretty In Pink, and the song “P. Nis Luv R.” made the top 100 single chart in Lubjubquador. The Pink Album was ripped off by Led Zeppelin in 1942. However there were claims that the album cover was actually a shade of violet nad not pink, this sparked court cases to sue pink floyd for making a violet album cover. the band said that they didn't have an education and didn't know the difference between pink and violet.

Increasing Drug Use

After so narrowly losing such a prestigious award, Syd began to pick up the hobby of kitten huffing. By 1968, Syd Barrett had reportedly huffed more kittens than this guy did since 1839 (or 1837). It is sometimes reported that Syd preferred the highly tedious and risky technique of huffing through the rectum, making his feat all the more awesome.

"That One God Incident"

After huffing so many kittens, God got pissed at Syd. Kitten huffing prevents kitten souls to go up to heaven, and kitten soul was God’s favorite meal. While huffing outside the studio during the recording of An Albumfull of Shit in 1968, God came down from heaven and damned Syd Barrett to be slowly turned into David Gilmour, a kind person and pro-kitten-rights advocate. The transformation was slow, and was not seriously noticeable until 1968.

Bannage from Pink Floyd

By 1968, due to extreme drug use, kitten huffing, and oh yeah David Gilmour taking over his mind, Syd Barrett was slowly becoming irrational, often farting loudly into microphones and eating dead animals thrown on stage. Roger Waters was disgusted by this behavior, himself believing only living animals should be eaten. Roger called the band together to vote on whether Syd should be kicked out, along with the back-ups Wright and Mason. There were 3 votes to ban Syd and 1 vote to farm children on the moon (we don't know who voted for what, as it was a secret ballot). Syd plead to be kept as a songwriter, but Roger Waters is reported to have said, "Do you really think I would place your well-being above our band success?" (This would go on to become the name of Pink Floyd's third album.) Pink Floyd suffered from their loss for about four weeks, and then Seamus (the dog) joined the band. Not only was Seamus a better songwriter than Barrett, he also smelled better, and to Roger's joy, ate only living animals thrown on stage. The band had forgotten Syd's name in several days.

Syd Barrett's Solo Career

After being kicked out of the band, Syd Barrett (now becoming increasingly David Gilmour) decided to continue with a solo career. The band's manager This Guy decided not to take up Syd's offer (which was to be Syd's manager for 3 old banana peels a week) and chose instead to stay with who he considered the dominant songwriter- Seamus (the dog). Because of a birth certificate technicality, the record label assigned George Washington to be Syd's manager, who had died 6000 years ago or something. Syd was forced to manage, produce, market, write, record, and edit any album he made- a tall task for a man who was a deranged lunatic slowly becoming David Gilmour. However, Syd came through, and in 1968 he released the album Yibbijubidubuh on the same day as An Albumfull of Shit was released by Pink Floyd. The album's name was meant to be a "fuck you" statement to his former band, but since it was a word Syd had made up, only he understood the album's meaning. Yibbijubidubuh failed in most parts of the world, though it did make a small profit in Lubjubquador.

The Duet Career

Syd Barrett's solo career came to a halt when he woke up one day and the hair on the right side of his head looked oddly like David Gilmour.

The Syd Barrett-led Era (1968-1968)

Now with David Gilmour always with him (literally), Syd's solo career transformed into an awkward duet career. At this point, David had control of only the right arm. Syd was furious because this was the arm he masturbated with, and David refused to do it for him. Because they changed to a duet act, Syd got the record label to give them That Guy as their manager- coincidentally, the mortal enemy of Pink Floyd's manager, This Guy. They released their first album under the pseudonym David Barrett, which everyone would call them after that point. The album was called David Barrett, an was released the same day as Pink Floyd's third album, Do you really think I would place your well-being above our band success? It was largely dominated by the Syd Barrett side since he controlled both the mouth and left hand of David Barrett. David Gilmour was able to, with great trouble, write the song "Ludiudpuubou Dlus" (he probably meant to write "Lubjubquador Blues"), even though he was left handed and couldn't see. Since the lyrics, as David wrote them, were humanly impossible to pronounce, it is unknown by anyone how Syd was able to sing it. (Al Gore not only claims that he knows how this was done, but that it was he who created "Ludiudpuubou Dlus"; however, this is generally considered a crock of shit.) Basically, David Gilmour had very little to do with the creation of the album, though it is notable that he was present at the studio whenever Syd was.

Aboutmadcaplaughs

The photo of The About Madcap Face Laughs was taken with a broken camera.

The Breakthrough Era (1968-1968)

By 1968, David Gilmour had control over the right side of David Barrett's brain, and Syd Barrett had the right side. Furthermore, David Gilmour was much more adept at right-handed writing compared to his "Ludiudpuubou Dlus" days. Thus, most of their second album was done cooperatively and without either side in a dominant stance. Their time together, however, was plagued by the problem that each side controlled one leg, thus making walking and running an incredible chore. Often, when the two wanted to go different places, they would just end up doing a split, though this would hurt Syd more since he still had control of the crotch. Together, they released the album The About Madcap Face Laughs. It's grammatically incorrect title stemmed from a dispute between Syd and David, which they solved by haphazardly and incompetently combining the titles. The About Madcap Face Laughs is the only David Barrett album on which both David and Syd sang; midway through the album, in fact while they were eating a BBQ chicken sandwich, David gained control of the mouth and vocal cords. This not only ended up in David having to learn to speak and sing, but it also ruined an expensive shirt. Syd was oddly silent on that issue. Nevertheless, The About Madcap Face Laughs signaled an end to Syd's dominance of himself, and is considered the high point in David Barrett's creativity and cooperation with himself. It was the most mainstream album, selling 1*10^0 copies in Lubjubquador.

The David Gilmour-led Era (1968-1968)

After the release of The About Madcap Face Laughs, Syd Barrett's transformation into David Gilmour was noticeably quickened (one song written by Syd, entitled "I Eat The Hand of God For Breakfast", is usually cited as the reason). It was so quickened that even by 1968, David had already gained control of both legs, the penis, and 80% of the brain. Syd would have probably been furious, but at this point, he was more or less a vegtable. David Barrett's third album, Probably Not The Final Complaining About Maggie Thatcher, was completely written and sung by the David Gilmour side, although during one song, "Now Would Actually Be A Pretty Good Time, John", Syd Barrett's sung backup vocals. Just like with "Ludiudpuubou Dlus", how this was done is unknown. Most fans consider Probably Not The Final Complaining About Maggie Thatcher to really be just a David Gilmour solo album, and it was released as "By David Gilmour, performed by David Barrett."

Departure of Syd Barrett and David Gilmour

In 1968, Syd Barrett announced that he was leaving David Barrett, saying that it was "a spent force creatively". Nobody heard him because at this point he was just 3 hairs on David Barrett's arm. A few seconds later, he was gone, fully taken over by David Gilmour. With his mission complete, God allowed David to go his own way. In 1968, David Barrett and its manager That Guy met with Pink Floyd and its manager This Guy. This Guy and That Guy, being mortal enemies, immediately started fighting to the death. After 4 hours and 7 skyscrapers completely destroyed, This Guy was stabbed in the heart with an Oak leaf while That Guy got his genitals cut off by a nail clipper, and committed suicide moments later. The fight is generally considered a draw. During this time, David Gilmour, having missed brunch earlier that morning, ate Seamus (the dog). Pink Floyd, now once again a trio without Seamus (the dog), accepted David Gilmour into the band. Pink Floyd soon forgot Seamus (the dog) had ever been in their band, and David Gilmour forgot he had ever existed before that point. With This Guy and That Guy dead, Pink Floyd enlisted Anonymous as their manager.

Post-David/Syd Solo Career

David Barrett, now without David Gilmour, Syd Barrett, or any other person for that matter, decided to soldier on and release two more albums; I Told You It Wasn't The Final Complaining About Maggie Thatcher, where he complained about the news media and technology, and How About Some More Complaining About Maggie Thatcher, where he complained more about the news media and technology. Much like David Barrett himself, however, these did not physically exist, and never achieved any success.

Influence on Modern Culture

After David Barrett was disbanded in 1968, there were multiple other cases of transformations. Some say that Reynold O'Donnell transformed into Rosie O'Donnell (since there's no way someone could've given birth to her), and other say that John Kerry transformed into George Bush (since there's no way that guy could've been re-elected).

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