From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Suspiciously there is no scientific evidence on exactly how Dave Rowntree mutated into this potato-like creature. These facts are based upon what we already know.
edit Early Life
Rowntree was raised in a potato field in Essex. As a young root, his instructors saw that he had talent. His two boring yet loveing parents had taught him well, as they were musicians themselves that played viola and stuff, so they had to be smart and talented. Rowntree then went on to go to college and learn lots of boring stuff about politics and computers, which no one really cares about. As he grew into the great and talented potato he is, he came to join a band called Bleugh.
edit Musical Career
Amazingly, Rowntree can actually produce some magnificent music. Being the potato he is, it seems that it would be very challenging to even hold a drumstick. While growing up in the potato farm, a young Graham Foxon befriended the potato and introduced him to Damon Owlbarn. The three added the farmer, Alex James, to the group and formed their band Bleugh. This band gained Rowntree many fangirls. He is described as "the most attractive potato I have ever seen" and also as "What the hell is that thing on the drums over there?". The most common reference to the legend is "That one guy in blur that no one knows the name of." This is because he is so handsome that his followers forget his name, as they are distracted with his sexiness. As you can tell, this starch definitely knows how to get the ladies. As part of the band, he appears in many music videos. He appears in the video Parklife with his legendary potato look. He also appears in the video with one of his beautiful lady friends, Cindy.
“This here, is a useless fucking piece of ginge.”
“Best potato I have ever tasted.”
edit Love Life
Being the player he is, Dave Rowntree has slept with many girls, and has had multiple relationships with lady friends. One magical day came along and Rowntree had met the love of his life. It was a beautiful carrot named Patricia. On account of their many failed attempt to have a child, they found it was physically impossible for a potato and a carrot to have children. Rowntree then divorced to poor carrot to continue racking in the ladies.
edit Other Interests
Potato boy isn't just a drummer. He is also somehow a computer science whiz and strongly involved in politics. These things are so intense that only a potato's brain can handle the immense extremeness of these two things. To any other brain, they are just boring as shit, so the non-potato mind will cease to understand the beauty of these two subjects. During his practice in these fields, Rowntree has discovered how to travel at the speed of light and how to alter the fabric of time and space. Although, his discovery was proven incorrect because, once again, the non-potato mind can not comprehend the combination of computer science and politics.
Roundtree also has an elevating interest to sprout wings and fly into the heavens. The skilled potato has failed multiple attempts on growing bird-like wings, he then resorted to getting full pilot's licence (like that's going to help anything). His dream is to use his knowledge of traveling at light-speed in space. He wants to become the first potato to ever go to Mars, yet his dreams were yanked from beneath him because a pilot's licence isn't for space travel. This led into a period of great depression for Rowntree. The potato considered jumping into a boiling soup pot at a local restaurant. Luckily, police arrived on the scene and convinced the poor potato not to end his sad little life.