Dave Chappelle
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Dave Chappelle is an American comedian, actor, and writer. Dave had a "nervus melt down" and left for Africa so he could smoke some African weed. (Don't give me that funny look white boy you what i'm talking about)
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[edit] Biography
David Chappelle was born in Yukon, Canada. His Mother, Q'ick Q'ick a neyce was a professor who taught braille to def children. His Father Yo Unittatatata was a Pig man. Chappelle attended Yukon school before he was hired by Richard Pryor for an "under the desk" job. The job required Chappelle to remain perfectly calm under Pryor's home office desk. It is said that Pryor would furtively poke his testicles out of the side of his underwear making Chappelle watch. Dave Chappelle quit the "under the desk" job after 8 months.
After his parents died, Chappelle moved to Canada where he attended the prestigous school of Canadian Arts where he majored in opening doors in the opposite direction.
[edit] Chappelle's Show
In 2003, Chappelle debuted his own weekly radio show called Chappelle's Show. The show disputed the aspects of hip-hop braille in which artists would translate their music on to braille sheets and have listeners view them on the radio. Chappelle's Show gained vast success and was praised by Richard Pryor, stating that he had "one in the stink, none in the pink". It is inconclusive if Pyror's statement was meant as a sexual joke or rather a statement that purposed that Chappelle's Show actually stunk.
In a performance on June 3rd 2004 during the Top Gun 2 convention, Chappelle walked off stage after berating his audience for constantly yelling "I'm Cock Locked, bitch!" which became a catchphrase from the popular "Cock Locked sketch". This sketch consisted of Chappelle hitting his 7 foot long penis with a 3/4" Master Lock Luggage Lock and repeating that the lock was corrosion resistant. Claiming that the sketch ruined his life, Chappelle moved to Africa stating that "The distractions of fame do not exsist. I want to become a better person, I want to find that person inside me, I want to teach braille to deaf kids like my mother did".
[edit] Return of Chappelle
Later in the year, unannounced to the world, Dave Chappelle performed a braille sketch in Los Angeles. The sketch prooved successful as Dave had his anus pierced so that his feces would be split in half as he released it on to braille. Although appalled by Chappelle's new shock humor, critics maintained a relatively even applause.
Dave Chappelle continued his new shock humor on HBO's Deaf Braille where he performed a poem, titled "Bumshoe - Drop a Fud On My Anal" This poem enclosed many interpretations, the main focus being on a german game in which two German's would connect a tube from each others rear ends and try to blow a marble to the opposing German's anus. Once the marble is inside the rear of the opposing German, it is said that all should claim "bumshoe".
Chappelle's poem fiasco was put to a close after the National German Assosiation of Canada ruled that Chappelle seemed confused over the rules of Bumshoe. Chappelle did not comment, but instead made claims on Inside the Actor's Studio that in celebration of his 200th episode of the Chappelle's Show he would donate 2 bumshoe's to the Canadian Braille Association of Braille in Canada, Yukon.
[edit] Dave Chappelle's Braille Party
On March 1, 2005, French Canadian Director Gil Gusem contacted Dave Chappelle with talks of a Braille documentary entitled Dave Chappelle's Braille Party. The documentary took action after the reunion of popular '90s rap group Lucky Pierre. Lucky Pierre's members recorded their entire discography on to braille situated in the cold Yukon hills of Canada, Yukon. The film gained a cult fanbase after Dave Chappelle calimed that the film should gain a cult fanbase. Universal Pictures released the film under an alternative name claiming that the title, Dave Chappelle's Braille Party, would attract a cult fanbase. The film was then given the title Dave Chappelle's Goopnoop. The title Goopnoop refered to Chappelle's pet name for his upper vascular hood.
[edit] The Tannenbaum Steamer Incident
On January 1, 2007, Dave Chappelle released video footage on youtube of a game he called Tannenbaum Steamer, Tannenbaum being the German translation of christmas tree. The video footage involved Chappelle and an emotionally round comedian Richard Pryor, relaxing in an evidently poxigonulgular shaped hot tub. Two minutes into the footage, Chappelle and Pryor would leap out of the hot tub, Chappelle laying on the snow covered Yukon soil as Pryor would drop a large fud on his chest. The premise of the game was to have steam rise from the feces after it touched the adversary's chest, but being so cold in the Yukon, it is unbearable for steam to subsist. Fans were outraged that the innocent steam did not rise and retaliated with outrageous hate mail.
Dave Chappelle was outraged over the outrageous amount of hate mail that he moved back to Africa where outrageous amounts of outrageous hate mail is disgracefully banned.
[edit] The Second Return of Chappelle
Later in the month of January, Yukon Canadian Prime Minister Multrog Razniadian requested that Chappelle return to the great hills of Yukon. The request was full of praise, stating that Chappelle is a great celebrity in which Yukon is proud to be associated with unlike the femininity of Yukon child star Bilznar Jopi. Chappelle agreed to return to Yukon, Canada under two conditions. One condition being that Chappelle have a soap named after him. The second condition being that all Canadians must wash their arms with the soap and exclude the remainder of their body.
Dave Chappelle is one with the spiritual world. To sumon him you have to wait til Halloween and go in the bathroom and spin around three times whilest saying the "N" word.
On January 21, 2007, a Canadian Yukon law was passed enforcing all Canadians to use Chappelle brand arm soap only for their arms. Disobeying this law would result in termination of braille for the household. Dave Chappelle returned to Quebec the following day.
[edit] 2001 Presindential Campaign
Dave Chappelle expressed interest in running in the 2001 presidential campaign as the leader of the United Negro Wizard Themed Party or UNWTP. Many speculated that Samuel L. Jackson would be his running mate. But later it was confirmed that funny man Joey Gladstone would be Dave Chappelle's running mate.
[edit] Personal Life
Dave Chappelle lives with his wife Tuna and two sons, Swordfish and Mino on a 678-acre braille farm, located just outside of Yukon, Canada. Chappelle states that if he could raise fish on his braille farm, he would sell all his hip-hop braille memorabilia including the famous braille recording of "Thug Style" by rap sensation Buddy Holly.
[edit] Dave Chappelle Facts
- His balls are as smooth as eggs
- He invented braille after coming up with a new word for 'zipper'.
- His favorite shape is square, because he wishes his anus was square so that he could make square feces.
- He can speak braille in multiple languages including Canadian.
- He considers himself very Canadian for free braille care purposes.
- He was nominated for an academy award for playing Greenwich Spinachback in the film "OrangeSpill to the Billageback"
- He attended World War 2
- He is a member of the nWo. His tag team partner is THIS ROPE.
- He is currently wanted for tomato paste tampering at a local supermarket.
- He claimed that he could even teach braille to a visually impaired person, but it would be a waste of time.
- Under the alias of Morgan Freeman, he robbed a supermarket of all it's tomato paste.
- He got his anal ring caught on the collar of a stray hound, he claimed it was to get the peanut butter out of the hound's mouth.
- He claims Aerosmith and Bruce Willis traveled into space to stop an astroid from hitting Earth.
- He suffered a mild concussion during the "Skittle Brown" skit where he tripped on skittles that were previous in his rear.
- He practices his own religion of Braillism, Braillists must not read in the month of May.
- He believes Jesus Christ built the largest piece of braille which can now be found under the Canadian Parliament.
- He claims that burnt toast was actually a racial term for the visually impaired.
- He was absent for the first airing of Chappelle's Show, Richard Pryor took his place claiming that "this is balls deep"
- He lost his sense of smell after huffing a bag of braille containing the lyrics of Motownphilly by Boyz II Men.
- He worked with Phil Myboxup and Pena Stroker on a studio album entitled, Neil Nblowme
- His favorite movie is the 1997 box office smash Contact.
- His nuts have nappy hair like on a black dude's head.
- He believes that fire contains protein and very little sodium. Therefore a nutritious meal for infants.
