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“I don't fear him.”
“His name isn't pronounced Day-t. Its pronounced Dah-tay.”
“Is he a pirate?”
“I'm sure Masamune would like a quote from me.”
Date Masamune was a samurai. He was often confused as a pirate due to having an eyepatch, which would usually follow up with some unpleasant events. For example, once Jack Sparrow became a pirate, the pirate oath required one raping of another pirate. Jack Sparrow chose, yes you guessed it, Masamune.
Since then, Masamune was taught by his father to calm down in the case of being confused for a pirate, draw his pistol and/or matchlock, set it down, take a deep breath... and then simply fucking blow the stupid bastard to pieces for this idiotic misconception to correct him or her.
Masamune was conceived by Date Terumune and Yoshihime in Bowser's Castle. At the of just a mere 3 years old, Masamune commanded his first campaign, which was against the forces of Chuck Norris. Masamune defeated Chuck Norris in less than one minute during the One Minute Battle, taking down an army of 5000 ninjas and of course, the Chuck himself. There was no survivors in Chuck's forces. In fact, Chuck's whooping was so bad, that it made the Holocaust look like a Chess game. This is noticeably the only time that Chuck had ever lost to anything in the entire universe. So who really is the fiercest of them all? Lu Bu? No. Chuck? No! Cancer? NO! The big bad Masamune is!!
- NOTE: Masamune lost his eye during this battle with Chuck Norris. And no, Chuck didn't do it, Masamune ripped his eye out and swallowed it like Xiahou Dun to show Chuck how much of a pussy and weaker he is compared to the great Masamune.
“Chuck Norris would wreck Masamune!”
When Masamune was 5, Terumune had realized that Masamune was Over 9000 times better than himself and decided to retire as his clan's daimyo, and handed over the position of the Date clan leader to the rightful man.
“Masamune's the rightful man.”
Masamune's ex-girlfriend is Medusa.
The Many Things Masamune is Famous For
Masamune is a worldwide hero. He is known for his combat skills, being dubbed The God of Sex and War. This forced Kratos to go commit sepukku. Many people didn't care when Kratos killed himself, they were too busy with Masamune, who deserves more then Kratos.
Here's the list of the many accomplishments Masamune has accomplished, ooh! Looks like another thing has to be added to this list, so I should probably put it on this list. And another one! Wow! What a hero. Another accomplishment. Jeez. How many accomplishment does he accomplish a day? He's my idol. Let me just li-gosh! Another one, and another one! He's so lucky I love him. Damn! ANOTHER ONE!! Well, looks like I can't finish the entire list since he's accomplishing over 9000 accomplishments a minute. Such a great guy. Here's just 25 of his billions of God-like accomplishments. Wow, another one was just accomplished! My hero!
- 25 - Killed Osama bin Laden. (May 2nd, 2011)
- 24 - Invented fire. (April 23rd, 1.42 Mya)
- 23 - Ate Spinach and liked it. (September 25th, 1594)
- 22 - Joined the Assassin's Creed. (March 2nd, 1500)
- 21 - Cheated death. (June 20th, 1102)
- 20 - Found the cure for cancer. (May 27th, 2025)
- 19 - Correctly predicted the winner(s) of the Super Bowl, Golf championship, Mario Kart Gold Cup, Olympic Games events, World Series of Poker, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Yu-Gi-Oh! Championship and Masturbation championship, and every other thing that can have a champion or some kind of winner title every year since the beginning of time. (Beginning of time - ongoing)
- 18 - Won Jigsaw's game without even one meager scratch. (December 28th, 2007)
- 17 - Put every opponent he ever faced in Chess in Checkmate on the very first move. (First game of Chess he played - ongoing)
- 16 - Defeated Chuck Norris in less than one minute during the Battle of Hoth. (December 12th, 1570 4:44:03 PM - December 12th, 1570 4:44:36 PM)
- 15 - Cured World Hunger. (July 29th, 1688)
- 13 - Traveled around the world in 1 day, being 79 days faster than the famous 80 days. (November 15th, 1855 - November 16th, 1855)
- 12 - Simply walked into Mordor. (April 20th, 2000)
- 11 - Survived 2012. (December 22nd, 2012)
- 10 - United the Three Kingdoms. (March 15th, 280)
- 9 - Pulled a successful prank on everyone in the world. (April 1st, every year)
- 8 - Invented the time machine. (August 11th, 2109)
- 6 - Became an ally to Sam's Empire. (January 1st, 2013)
- 5 - Lived in February after the 28th and/or 29th (depending if it was a Leap Year). (February 29th during non-leap years and January 30th during leap years.)
- 4 - Rediscovered Atlantis. (October 4th, 2015)
- 2 - Made World Peace happen. (June 15th, 2048)
- 1 - Did everything for a Klondike Bar. (August 20th, 1777)
Oh ya, and he fought during the Warring States. But who cares about that?
Wars Masamune Fought In
- War of 1812
- American Revolution
- World War I
- World War II
- World War III
- World War IV
- War on Kyle
- Sengoku Period Wars
- War on Terrorism
- Flame War
- The Spam War of 09'
- Goguryeo-Cao Wei wars
- Three Kingdoms era wars
- War of the Worlds
- Empire: Total War
- Shogun: Total War
- War on Terra
- Star Wars
- Invasion of Wikiland
- Mexican War
- Canadian Revolution
- Pirates of the Caribbean (wars during the films)
- Total War In My Pants
- World of Warcraft
- Warring States Period
Masamune would like you to check out these also. Or die.