Das Blutgöttin

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Das Blutgöttin, also known as the blood goddess - was created a long time ago. She was created out of a negotiation that God and Satan carried out. The time of the negotiation is unknown, but all that was known is that the blood goddess was created in the process. Her real name is unknown, but she does exist. Many people have tried to prove this, but they have failed. It has only been carried through the ages by mouth, and mouth only.

Das Blutgöttin (The Blood Goddess)
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animal
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia-Aves
Order Primates-Falconiformes
Family Hominidae-Accipitridae
Genus Homo-Accipiter
Species Superior
Binomial name
Homo-Accipiter Superior
Primary armament Large canines to feast on your blood
Secondary armament Large claws capable of ripping your flesh apart
Power supply Seduction/Charm
Health 1,000,000+
Mana 500,000
Strength 10,000,000
Intelligence 167
Weight 57kg
Length 1.47 metres
Special attack Can kill without thought, mere instinct can kill.
Conservation status
None whatsoever, kill on contact ordered by the Austrians.

edit New Blood


God lost to Satan playing this game. He took a leak, and regretted it ever since.

God and Satan were having a chess match, and both sides were equal in their amount of pieces. God went for a leak (thus flooding the world, and forcing Noah to create his beloved ark). Meanwhile Satan moved all of God's pieces. God came back to the game, unaware of what just happened. In Satan's next move, God was in checkmate. God had lost to his old nemesis, Satan. Satan boasted and bragged about his superiority over God. He made sure that God felt terrible about losing to him. He constantly taunted God, forcing him to plead for mercy.

God pleaded for mercy on numerous occasions, but to no avail. Satan kept annoying him, over and over again. Finally, God said he would sacrifice something. He said this to stop Satan from torturing him. It had been forty days, and forty nights, since God had lost. Satan kept track of this, because he enjoyed watching God suffer. God kept telling him to stop, and begged for a negotiation. Satan wasn't having any of it. He found it very funny.

Over time, Satan got bored of two things. He got bored of boasting about his superiority, and God was annoying him now. God's constant whining had annoyed him to the brink of insanity. So Satan finally gave in. He told God he would negotiate. God was pleased, he was finally free from the pressure, which Satan was putting on him. He was that desperate, he was willing to do anything. When I say anything, I mean anything.

Satan said, "If you give me one seed (human being) to keep, as my own, I will let you free from my torment." God accepted without question. Satan was promised the seed. Satan molded the seed as his own. He inputted all his characteristics in it. His strength, callous nature and sadistic beliefs were just a few of the thing put into this seed. He also put things into the seed, that he didn't have. Things such as seduction, beauty and killer instinct he didn't have, but it did. They were put in for the purpose of evil.

One day, God and Satan were having an argument. Satan called Jesus' mother a whore. For this, God slapped Satan. Satan was holding his seed at the time, so it fell. The seed fell onto earth. Satan panicked and sent his little devils after it. They didn't find it. It fell into a huge crack in the earth. The crack encaved the seed, and it was never seen again.

edit Evil is Born

Friedrich August von Hayek

This Scientist is the n00b responsible for the hole punctured in the shell.

The seed fell into an earthquake zone in Austria. For many thousands of years, the seed remained undiscovered. The earthquake eventually subsided. The plates eased, and the seed became locked under a wave of sediments. It was never found, for many years. Then in the 1980s, a bunch of archaeologists investigated Austria on a dig for prehistoric life. Instead of finding fossils as such, they found the seed. The seed remained in perfect condition. It was unhatched too. The sediments prevented any oxygen from getting in, but this seed had a built in oxygen supply. It somehow was kept alive by its own shell.

The archaeologists were baffled by this unknown creature. They took it to a laboratory for analysis. During analysis, a (n00b) scientist punctured the shell of the seed. The seed began to expand. Arms and legs broke out of it. It became a human being. It had all the characteristics of a human being, except for the fact it was in a shell. Scientists assumed this was due to some weird accident, thus they concluded it belonged to the same species.

The seed ran out of the laboratory and into the wilderness. It remained there for many years, until a couple of campers came across the seed. By this time it had grown into a female being. It was almost like a human being, except there were slight variations. The being had two sharp pointed wings on its back, and a tail too. It was naked, and had the option of flying. It was a hybrid between a human and a bird, the human side being more dominant.

edit A Nightmare Upbringing

Shortly after being adopted, the blood goddess seduced her father and killed her mother. She went on a rampage throughout Europe, killing a lot of people. Her blood lust grew greater and greater. She wanted more males to feed on. She left a trail of disaster in her wake. She has killed over two million people so far and counting. Many law enforcement agencies around Europe have tried to stop her, but none have prevailed.

When Figl, an important Austrian politician, has learned about this, he made a bet with the Slowakian president Hjazchoslôvich. If the Austrian sweet corn was bigger than the Slowakian then Hjazchoslôvich would give Figl a "Sau" (a pork) as a gift. Luckily, Figl was right and won the bet. But in the end he never got the "Sau".

“Figl hat seine Sau nie bekommen ...”
~ narrator of a documentary on Figls bet

She is wanted by the following: MI5, MI6, JIC and many more. She is known to rape her victims senselessly, until they die. She has no known weaknesses, and loves sadistic brutallity. She will eat men alive when she feels hungry and won't stop killing until everyone is dead. In a sense, she is deadlier than can be imagined. She is technically the offspring of Satan, but this is yet to be confirmed. When she isn't seducing/eating men she can be seen playing Unreal Tournament 2004.

edit Chaos & Madness

After wandering around and raping over 2 million men, the blood goddess feasted on a million wild animals. She enjoyed them all, but she said one thing in particular about them.

Animals taste great, but drinking their blood is a real treat. Blood is yummy!

At this time all the animals in Austria were killed intentionally. The women in Austria killed them because of the fact that she might come back, eat them, then rape and kill all the male population. There are anti-aircraft guns in Austria. These guns are not to shoot down planes, they are to shoot down Das Blutgöttin. She occasionally flies over her hometown, looking for unsuspecting victims to have sex with and eat shortly thereafter.

That is why the guns are pretty annoying. She arranged a meeting with Satan (her father) shortly thereafter. After much pain and torment, he gave her an arsenal of horny birds. The horny birds were equipped with skull fucking technology. The average time for eye penetration is 0.067 seconds, which isn't that bad, when you think about it.

She trained these animals for many months. They endured the harshness of her brutal nature, but came through it alive (with a broken wing or two, maybe 500 even). They were then tested on small arms shipments. They passed with flying colours. The skull fucking birds were ready for action. Austria hadn't seen the last of this evil seed...

edit The Massacre

She had fully trained these birds to be weapons of war. Each one was named and tagged, so fallen comrades could be remembered. The first bird was called 'Stuart'. The second bird was called 'Jake'. These two birds in particular would be the first into battle. They would break down the enemies' line of defense and allow others to follow.

When she was finally ready, the war had begun. In August 1999 the skull fucking birds rained from the skies. In the first few hours, fifteen casualties. In the next few hours, over 500,000 people were reported dead or injured. In the weeks that followed, millions more had been killed. The anti-aircraft guns just weren't up to the job. They had ICBMs, but the people weren't going to risk the lives of millions of people to eradicate the country of the skull fucking birds. Thus, the violence ensued.

After a few months, the land was deserted. Everyone who was once in it had died, or moved on. People who did manage to survive, sustained serious injuries. Many just died though. Das Blutgöttin had won the war on Austria. She had destroyed the hometown that kept her alive for so many years. She disappeared without a trace, just days after the end of the massacre.

edit Recovery System

In the early 2000s, a plan was executed by the Austrian government. The idea was to re-populate all of Austria. By doing this, the trade and economics that once made it a booming place were restored. The government got immigrants from other countries, and some of the few Austrians who survived to live there. Over time, Austria regained its power. The Austrian government grew strength to strength, making extra sure they weren't going to be attacked again.

As a result of this, the skills of the 1337 master were called upon. The 1337 master had been out of service for a long time, and as a result, was pretty rusty. He kept the place in tip top condition for a few years, allowing the recovery system to take full effect. Das Blutgöttin never came back to Austria. She was gone. The Austrians were relieved. They were finally free from her evil grasp, or so it would seem.

In 2003, Austria was at its best since the massacre. Music, food and education rapidly grew in the years. The place seemed like a nice haven, after Das Blutgöttin had left. The history of Das Blutgöttin and Austria was kept under lock and key, until this reporter discovered the truth behind this fatal tragedy. The recovery system was at its best, so it was hard to tell what lurked in Austria's murky past. It was only in 2004 that the files on this incident were recovered.

edit More Problems

Well Das Blutgöttin didn't just go away. She and her horny birds raped the land. They travelled all over Europe, and slaughtered many thousands of people. The reason they weren't killing at maximum capacity, was because the news of the Austrian massacre passed by quickly. Many countries prepared themselves for such an eventuallity. England, Amsterdam, Russia and France all had ICBMs primed for such an eventuallity. The horny birds managed to occasionally swoop under their radar, killing many of the foolish ones. Das Blutgöttin raped a lot of men, because of her lethal charms. Most men couldn't resist sexual intercourse.

It was only during sex, they realised they were in trouble. When they realised they would be damned to all eternity, they were fucked (no pun intended), really fucked. She managed to kill many of them, without anyone knowing. Satan occasionally noticed this, but didn't do anything about it. He was proud, proud of what his little girl (now monster bitch) had become. He didn't want her to change. He loved her violent, destructive path. Law enforcement agencies caught up to her eventually, but disappeared in mysterious circumstances.

Her fallen prey had been disposed of effectively. Das Blutgöttin kept her blood lust at its peek. She thought of it as a game. She had competitions with her birds to see how many they could kill in a day. Of course she always won these battles. No man could resist her seductive charms, or so it would seem. Raping men was her hobby, and for that she was proud. She loved being a sadistic, brutal bitch. It was the most fufilling thing in the world to her. No one could stop her.

edit The Plan

Currently, there is no plan on how to defeat Das Blutgöttin. No one knows how to kill her. It is way too hard for most people. All the guys die, and all the women get thrown around. It would take a miracle for them to destroy her. They needed help from something that wasn't human. They needed help from something so strong, so powerful and so goddamn lethal - that she would die quickly and effectively. Finding such a person was to be a very difficult task. She was beyond that of anyone they ever knew. They needed a sign... but would they get it?

Their sign came in the form of one man. The man whose idiotic behaviour caused this mess in the first place. Yes it was the n00b scientist. During a war with the French, the n00b scientist was brought back to life. He searched day and night for her. He analysed every last speck of dust, looking for her. He had to sort this mess out. It was his fault to begin with, so the entire world burdened the problem on him. He had no other choice, but to accept their task.

Using a series of forensic experts, the n00b scientist searched all over the world, looking for Das Blutgöttin. He never gave up, and neither did his team. He was determined to sort this mess out, once and for all. It was his job, and even if it meant being raped by the beast, he'd still find her. He had to find her, to save himself, his team and the rest of the world. His little mistake cost him valuable hours of watching porn - such a shame. He could have been whacking off to some blonde bombshell, rather than risk life and limb out in the wilderness.

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