Darth Maul

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“That bastard Maul got what he deserved, now he's not just one, but two pieces of sith.”
~ Obi-Wan Kenobi on anger leading to winning.
Darth Maul v 2 by Ek cg

Darth Maul (Real Name: Viktor Lyubov)

Viktor Lyubov (Russian: Виктор Любов) (Born April 22, 1874), was an infamous agent of the GRU, better known by his Codename, Darth Maul.

edit Early life

Born in Hell, Viktor was the son of Boris and Natasha Lyubov. Viktor’s father was a soldier in the Tsarist army, his mother was a common housewife.

For the first few years of his life Viktor was determined to become a doctor, but the Revolution attempt of 1905 caused a great change in the young man, following the Revolution he officially joined the Bolshevik Party. His loyalty to the party, Lenin’s ideals and Lenin himself soon caught Lenin’s attention....Viktor soon became very popular within the Party. Also, his strange fascination with tater tots drove him closer to the dark side.

edit GRU career (1918-1998)

DMN

Viktor prior to donning the "Darth Maul" attire

Viktor joined the GRU as soon as it was established by Vladimir Lenin, he was given the Codename Darth Maul. The early days of his career involved suppressing the activities of opponents of Bolshevik control over Russia and removing any enemies Lenin had within the Party, by 1922 he had adopted the infamous red and black face paint and black robes... the attire that would later cause his infamy to reach new heights.

edit The Great Patriotic War (1942-1945)

During the Great Patriotic War, Darth Maul played a central role during the Battle of Stalingrad, mammothly aiding in the efforts to drive Nazi forces out of the city. He was given several medals and awards for the operations he carried out over the course of the war.

edit The Justice League led Coup in the Soviet Union (1953)

During the brief period that the JLA's Government were in power, Darth Maul and several other GRU agents covertly passed information onto the U.N. in order for them to make Chuck Norris 's infiltration of Russia run smoothly.

edit Soviet war in Afghanistan (December 1979 - February 1989)

Darth Maul PcCartney was one of the many GRU agents deployed to Afghanistan for the purposes on Intelligence gathering as well as direct combat duties. Over the course of the war, he became very good friends with fellow GRU and Spetsnaz operative Philip Henry.

edit First Chechen War (1994-1996)

Darth Maul was also assigned intelligence gathering activities during the First Chechen War.

edit Sith career (1998-1999)

During the First Chechen War, Darth Maul's lightsaber skills caught the attention of Senator Palpatine. Darth Maul was approached by Palpatine and was offered a job as a Sith Lord, he refused at first, but after the Russian Government realized they may be able to use the Sith to not only revive the Soviet Union, but spread the Soviet sphere of influence into outer space, Maul was ordered to accept the job offer so he did.

edit The Trade Federation War with Naboo/Death(1999)

Darth Maul PcCartney was sent to capture Queen Amidala and eliminate the two Jedi who had been dispatched by the Galactic Republic to settle the conflict and protect the Queen. Maul just barely failed in this task on Tatooine, and thus, he thirsted for revenge.

Darth Maul battled Obi-Wan Kenobi and his master Billy Connolly (known as Qui-Gon-Yinn) on Naboo. Upon arriving on Naboo, Maul went straight at the two Jedi, ignoring the geisha Queen and allowing her to escape. In a vicious duel during the Battle of Naboo, Maul fended off both of his Jedi opponents with the help of his over sized double-bladed lightsaber, which together with his muteness and spiky hair practically made him the main character of a JRPG. After separating the Jedi Master from his Padawan, he proceeded to separate Qui-Gon Jinn chest cavity.

The young Kenobi, enraged at his master's death, struck out at Maul with a furious assault. Obi-Wan had learned in just one film, what it took Luke three to learn: that explosive anger, not calm self sacrifice wins battles. Maul eventually Force-pushed Kenobi into a pit. He taunted the Padawan, who dangled helplessly by a ledge, realizing it might not be a bad idea to buy a grappling hook as he watched his lightsaber fall down into the abyss. However, Kenobi calmed himself and connected with the Force, before making a spectacular leap out of the shaft grabbing Jinn's lightsaber from afar. Obi-wan wasted no time in striking as he landed from his jump, Maul barely had time to smile as his bifurcated body tumbled down. As he fell down to his death robot legs, Maul suddenly became more architecturally attuned of the daily hurdles faced by the galaxies handicapped community: wondering how come reactors never had any safety railings, or why the queen's palace had no ramps for hover wheelchairs. Needless to say his fashion career was over, he would never again model as much as a two piece.

Personal tools
In other languages
projects