From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“He got what he deserved, that piece of sith.”
Viktor Lyubov (Russian: Виктор Любов) (Born April 22, 1874), was an infamous agent of the GRU, better known by his Codename, Darth Maul.
edit Early life
Born in Hell, Viktor was the son of Boris and Natasha Lyubov. Viktor’s father was a soldier in the Tsarist army, his mother was a common housewife.
For the first few years of his life Viktor was determined to become a doctor, but the Revolution attempt of 1905 caused a great change in the young man, following the Revolution he officially joined the Bolshevik Party. His loyalty to the party, Lenin’s ideals and Lenin himself soon caught Lenin’s attention....Viktor soon became very popular within the Party. Also, his strange fascination with tater tots drove him closer to the dark side.
edit GRU career (1918-1998)
Viktor joined the GRU as soon as it was established by Lenin, he was given the Codename Darth Maul. The early days of his career involved suppressing the activities of opponents of Bolshevik control over Russia and removing any enemies Lenin had within the Party, by 1922 he had adopted the infamous red and black face paint and black robes... the attire that would later cause his infamy to reach new heights.
edit The Great Patriotic War (1942-1945)
During the Great Patriotic War, Darth Maul played a central role during the Battle of Stalingrad, mammothly aiding in the efforts to drive Nazi forces out of the city. He was given several medals and awards for the operations he carried out over the course of the war.
edit The Justice League led Coup in the Soviet Union (1953)
During the brief period that the JLA's Government were in power, Darth Maul and several other GRU agents covertly passed information onto the U.N. in order for them to make Chuck Norris 's infiltration of Russia run smoothly.
edit Soviet war in Afghanistan (December 1979 - February 1989)
Darth Maul PcCartney was one of the many GRU agents deployed to Afghanistan for the purposes on Intelligence gathering as well as direct combat duties. Over the course of the war, he became very good friends with fellow GRU and Spetsnaz operative Philip Henry.
edit First Chechen War (1994-1996)
Darth Maul was also assigned intelligence gathering activities during the First Chechen War.
edit Sith career (1998-1999)
During the First Chechen War, Darth Maul's lightsaber skills caught the attention of Emperor Palpatine. Darth Maul was approached by Palpatine and was offered a job as a Sith Lord, he refused at first, but after the Russian Government realized they may be able to use the Sith to not only revive the Soviet Union, but spread the Soviet sphere of influence into outer space, Maul was ordered to accept the job offer so he did.
edit The Trade Federation War with Naboo/Death(1999)
Darth Maul PcCartney was sent to capture Queen Amidala and eliminate the two Jedi who had been dispatched by the Galactic Republic to settle the conflict and protect the Queen. Maul just barely failed in this task on Tatooine, and thus, he thirsted for revenge.
Darth Maul battled Obi-Wan Kenobi and his master Billy Connolly (known as Qui-Gon-Yinn) on Naboo. Upon arriving on Naboo, Maul went straight at the two Jedi, ignoring the Queen and allowing her to escape. In a vicious duel during the Battle of Naboo, Maul fended off both of his Jedi opponents with the help of his double-bladed lightsaber. After separating the Jedi Master from his Padawan, Maul finally succeeded in slaying Yinn. He then challenged Kenobi. The young Padawan, enraged at his master's death, struck out at Maul with a furious assault. Maul eventually Force-pushed Kenobi into a pit. He taunted the Padawan, who dangled helplessly by a ledge, watching his lightsaber fall down into the abyss. However, Kenobi calmed himself and connected with the Force. He made a spectacular leap out of the shaft and Force-guided Jinn's lightsaber into his own hands. Wasting no time in striking as he landed from his jump, Kenobi cut the astounded Maul in two before he could react. Maul barely had time to grimace as his body tumbled down the shaft in two pieces. His modeling career was clearly over.
After being sewn back together by Richard Simmons, Maul nearly assassinated Al Gore and, with the help of Simmons and Mr Noseybonk, created an Al Gore body suit. After realizing, in 2008, this joke was going nowhere, he discarded the suit and became Vladimir Putin's Top Bodyguard/Assassin and was then placed in the care of the "K.F.C.". needless to say, the K.F.C. in Moscow noticed a strange taste and color of their fried chicken that day.
In memory of Darth Maul: 1874-2008 He could have been the one charachter that made the prequels watchable, but instead that stupid ass hole mcFaggot with the rat tail had to kill him. FUCK YOU OBI WAN!