From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Darrell Bluett is the most innovative, daring and unusual stand-up comedian of the early twenty-first century. While there were other comics of his time, such as Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia who were achingly unfunny, Bluett elevated the art of not being funny to previously unfathomable levels. In fact, it can be said that in many ways, Cook and Mencia failed at being not funny, as there were thousands of people who were somehow fooled into thinking they were funny. Bluett, on the other hand, was the first comic to achieve complete success at it. Indeed, not a single person in the world considers him even remotely amusing.
edit Comic styling
There is no disputing the fact that Bluett's comic styling is the most innovative and unique in the industry. No other comic has dared to attempt his method, and it is uncertain that anyone will ever be able to match it in the future.
With a soft-spoken, slow, almost retarded, ebonic-heavy delivery, Bluett takes his audience down cliche comic garden paths, at the end of which there is literally no joke. And this is his true genius. He can spend several minutes on a single comic cliche and never tell a joke or arrive at a punch line. His audience is thus left in a quandary, certain that there should have been a joke in there, but clearly left without one. For instance, in describing how fat a woman he encountered was, he begins with the tried and true comic opening: "This woman was sooo huuuge...". Thus we anticipate the delight of a humorous description of the enormity of this woman's size, and we await the joy of another wonderful fat joke to laugh at. Then, brilliant comic that he is, Bluett slows his delivery down, repeating the set-up with another cliche, "I mean, you wouldn't believe how huge this woman was." Already we can feel the chuckles building up inside our bellies, just itching to come bursting out in hearty guffaws. Then, to our amazement, Bluett finishes: "I mean, she was bigger", he intones, "than my great great grandmother." Now, this is clearly not a joke. So we hold our breaths still, deciding that the punch line will certainly follow on the size, now, of this beloved ancestor. But Bluett simply settles back, stops there, and moves on. Baffled, we turn to our left and right, wondering what we missed. This is bold, in-your-face comic styling. He dares to never tell a joke, leaving us stranded, as it were, unsatisfied, bewlidered, unmirthed.
edit Linguistic peculiarity
Affecting a decidely retarded style, Bluett mispronounces every other word in his routine. In the hands of a lesser comic, this might elicit laughs by itself. But Bluett's genius is so complete that the utter lack of humorous material in the routine renders even this factor unlaughable. In fact, as his audience watches his routine, the only possible reaction is a gaping jaw of incredulity. It is only after the fact that it is even possible to laugh at his linguistic style, and only in the context of going along with it as his actual mode of speech. But the fact is, even the most ethnic speaker of ebonic-inflected English does not use the term "banola bar". No, along with "Peoples say some weird aggestions", this is a Bluett original.
edit Other mysterious non-jokes
Along with weight, Bluett runs the gamut of comedy cliche material to not tell jokes about. For instance, introucing the subject of a birth control pill "for mans" being developed in Japan, he says little more than this about it, before his non-punch-line, "Guys, we in trouble, we in big trouble." He makes no further comment about why we guys are in trouble because of this pill, apparently for fear of actually telling a joke.
He also discusses diet plans, in which "peoples say some weird aggestions" that fat people ought to stop eating entirely. Clearly, this isn't just some kind of "jive", as Bluett understates - it is a dangerous idea. Bluett lets us know this, saying of the people making the "aggestion" that "they like to kiil em". And just so that he does not include a joke, he continues, "they should say...stop eatin' this kind of food." He ends this routine there, without a joke. Unmitigated genius.
Of course, his routine is not complete without a bit about Jimmy Bakker. He simply, matter-of-factly, states that he feels sorry for Tammy, and that Bakker didn't get to enjoy the money very long. Nothing more. No joke, no antic, no comedy at all. Indeed, no other comic in the history of stand-up comedy would dare eschew humor as boldly as Darrell Bluett.
Bluett is not without his detractors, however. There are some who claim that he is sincere in his effort; that he actually thinks his comedy is funny, and he expects the laughs he has never heard. This is clearly not possible, however. Such an egregious failure to recognize one's own profound failure would require a level of retardation that would preclude entirely the capability to properly work a microphone, let alone stand facing the right direction toward an actual audience. No, the very fact that Bluett knows and can almost use more than three intelligible words testifies to an at least rudimentary level of self-awareness with which it would be impossible for him to think his material is at all funny. The only conclusion is that his is a comic genius beyond any man has ever known. Andy Kaufman was a rank amateur at not being funny on purpose, compared to Darrell Bluett.
Here we present some of Bluett's most stunningly unfunny routines for reference. Can there be any doubt of this man's comic brilliance? One is hard-pressed to say so after seeing it:
|This article was mentioned in The Amplifier Online, further diminishing what little credibility the media had left. You can read all about it here|