Dario Argento
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Dario Argento is an Italian director whose famous bodies of work feature him filming his daughter, Asia Argento, in various states of undress. He came under critical fire when he produced The Phantom of Suspiria which featured his daughter being sexually molested in at least eight separate scenes by actors wearing masks that made them look unmistakably like the director and father himself, Dario Argento. Comparisons to Woody Allen and Woody Harrelson were not far off.
He later embarked on a cinematic trilogy called called The Three Fathers which once again featured Asia Argento in the lead role. The films are titled Creepers Up My Daughters Short Skirt, Deep Pink, and the infamous Inferno in My Pants as I Look at My Daughter. Critics have noted it appears that Dario Argento is in fact making the same movie over and over again when he should be moving on to other projects.
[edit] Latest Work
Recently, Argento came under critical and personal attack for his attempts at producing Dario Argento's Famous Italian Ices, a frozen confection line that featured flavors such as Suspiria Strawberry, Tenebrae Toffy, Phantom of the Opera-berry and the banned Asia's Ass. The product was pulled from supermarket shelves in Italy when it was discovered that the ices contained shards of glass, barbed wire, razor blades and genital hair, although reports have indicated that the product is very popular on Ebay and sells for upwards of $1,000,000. "I dunna know why the people no lika my ices," Argento was quoted in Tini Peni, an Italian publication dedicated to testicular fetishes.
| I make-a dem so tasty and the people just go 'Ptui-ptui' and spitta uppa blood. |
Argento confirmed that he worked very carefully to ensure that the flavors were accurate and reflected the mood and morbidity of his films.
[edit] Trivia
- Dario Argento once killed a man for touching "his little bambina" Asia on the shoulder during the filming of the Italian slasherpiece The Bird With the Crystal Beak. Rumor has it the man was merely asking the young Asia for directions to the bathroom.
- Dario Argento once ate a man. He went back for seconds.
- Dario Argento once was a man, until a freak nuclear accident imbued him with altered DNA making it possible for him to be half-human, half-gargoyle. He spends his free time solving murder mysteries and reading John Cheever's novels.
- As a member of the Illuminati, Argento has his movies financed by ill gotten gain harvested from the sunken city of Atlantis.
