Danny Parslow

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Bloink1 solid
This article is full of links that don't go anywhere.
And it's giving everyone a headache. Please link to some less existence-challenged articles. If this page is not fixed in 30 days, it may become a candidate for deletion.

Daniel James "Danny" Parslow (born 11 September 1985) was the unlikely winner of the first season of Wales' got talent.

edit Early Life

Parslow was born in Haverfordwest to a nun who was quoted as being "surprised" having assumed she was a virgin. Later it was confirmed via an emotionally charged episode of Jeremy Kyle that legendary Badminton player Nathan Robertson had in fact impregnated the nun for a dare on a lads night out. Following this Robertson and the nun married and have lived a happy life together having 2 more children, James May and Michael Flatley.

Parslow was expelled from Cwmbran Boys school and Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry as he was taught from an early age to reject the modern conformity towards clothing and regularly attended naked. He later discovered that classmate Vince Cable who told him this was a well known prank artist and he later achieved 11 GCSE's included an A* in Samoan Maori.

edit Football Career

edit Manchester United

Parslow was part of the Manchester United team which won the Champions League 4 years in a row from 2001-2005. Although he was not a regular it is said his contribution was highly valued by manager Les Dennis as he would poke star midfielder Roy Keane with a stick for 2 hours before a game leading the fiery Keane to decapitated the opposition. Overweight striker Adebayo Akinfenwa then ate the remains whilst Gary Lineker scored multiple times into the open net to win the award of best player of the 2000's.

At the end of the 2005 season Parslow was offered a million pound contract offer but rejected it to pursue other footballing opportunities.

edit York City

Legendary York City manager Chris Brass announced Parslow as his 5th summer signing before the 2006 season after winning the prestigious [setanta shield]] for a 19th time. Brass said Parslow would have to climb a learning curve and chose to play his 79 year old grandfather ahead of parslow for the first ten games of the season. With no points from these ten games and a formal complaint from Shaun Smith about actually asking him to play football, Brass was replaced by the experienced management duo of the Chuckle Brothers who immediately reinstated Parslow as club captain.

Parslow would score 41 goals in the remaining 36 games in the season and lead York to their first ever FA cup final against Paraguay.

York lost the final 4-0 due to Parslow's controversial choice to attend a Wales' got talent audition instead. Parslow has since said he regrets leaving York in this key moment but that he had to do what he believed was right for his career.

His contract was cancelled by mutual consent the next week.

edit Musical Career

edit Wales' Got Talent

Parslow attended the St Davids audition of Wales' got Talent. His cover of Notorious B.I.G. "Big Poppa" brought a tear to the eye of judge Imogen Thomas. Fellow judge Huw Edwards told Parslow he was going to be huge and that people would queue around the streets of Wrecsam to see him. If he worked hard the people of Wrexham might even do the same.

A public vote in the semi final saw Parslow confirm his place in the series final. He sang "Down With the Sickness" by Slipknot (band) which again saw Imogen Thomas drawn to tears. A video of this performance went viral and currently has over 200,000,000 views in Youtube. US president Tom Cruise has been said to listen to this performance before going to bed every night to remind him to hold onto his faith in humanity.

In front of a packed out Millenium Dome Parslow took the risky strategy of not continuing the singing which had served him well in the competition but instead did a sequence of 3 forward rolls before bowing slightly to end the act. The reception from the judges was mixed. Thomas called it a "brave and justified decision" whilst Rhod Gilbert complained it was "a bit edgy for family TV; I hope you haven't put families off voting for you". As it were Parslow won by a large margin, taking 61% of the public vote ahead of second place Tom Jones who took an unusual 20%.

edit Album

On the back of his performances Simon Cowell recorded an album with Parslow. Whilst Parslow refused to sing in the album Cowell snuck into his bedroom at night and recorded him snoring. With the help of Jay-Z (band) the 11 track EP was released world wide on 26th April 2007.

The album received mostly negative reviews. Snobby McImatwat of NME called the album "a preposterous concept. 1 Star."

Despite this the album was well received commercially and went platinum in France and The Vatican.

edit New Material

Since Parslow's first album he has been recording a follow up in Fiji.

The album is set to be released in late 2013 and Parslow promises an 'emotional rollercoaster'.

Personal tools
projects