Danish

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“We're the Canadians of Europe”

~ Danish on Danish

A pure bred Great Dane

To be Danish is to come from Sweden, or in translation That place that is where we call ourselves Danish when we come from. People who live there are actually called Great Danes. The most famous of all Great Danes is Mary, the mother of Jesus, who was born in the city of Tasmania, the capital of Finland.

It is considered a concealed weapon to be Danish in 49 states of the 100 states of The United States of Whatever. The North Carolinians collectively believe that people from other countries are a myth.

Also the language spoken in the Kingdom of Denmark, which sounds somewhat like a seal with pneumonia, and therefore is assumed to be closely related to sealese, as spoken in the temperate fjords of Norway. Danish is also believed to have been a descendant of German simply spoken with a hot potato in your mouth.

It was once thought that the Danish were fictional like elves, hobgoblins, and angels, but my cousin went to Sweden and confirmed their existence.

But who cares about the above? Danishes are a yummy pastry with cream and blueberries which will soon rule the Earth. YOU CANNOT DENY THEIR PRESENCE!

Owners of Motorola cellphones should be advised that speaking on them in Danish will instantly void the warranty.

[edit] Danish language

The Danish language began as a dialect spoken by particularly drunk Romans in the late 12890's B.C. Therefore, the only existing Danish words until around 400 B.C. was Schnapps, Akvavit, Bathtub Gin and Apple Jack. Today, Danish persists of almost 40 words. It's estimated that a maximum of 200 Danes can speak, so most of the communication is done through miming, the binary numral system, Russian or playing pictionary (the Danish national sport).

Albeit mainly spoken by Danes, the language can be produced by accident by people with a fork jammed down their throat attempting to speak backwards.

[edit] Danish spelling and grammar

[edit] Spelling

Consonants: C is K, L is L, P is M, Q is Kvchh, U doesn't exist, M is 9, S is C, E is Wlk, B is a threat which translates into I wish to use your mothers inernal organs as a hand lotioner

Vowels: The only existent vowel in Danish sounds like a drunk "ugh" to foreigners. Depending on pitch, mood, length and Moon phase, the vowel's written representation can be any combination of 3 to 11 letters with the odd digit thrown in. Danes can immediately point out any number of mistakes when foreigners try to apprehend the vowel in writing, but themselves vary the spelling liberally from occasion to occasion--even when prompted to write down the exact same tape-recorded vowel multiple times. Linguists therefore suspect that the whole vowel thing is a big in-joke and Danes actually communicate by scents.

[edit] Prenounciation

K is O, L is Prr, Ui is Uo, Ue is Ua, Đ is Dr, Č is Dw, Ą is Yarr, Ħ is silent, Ľ is Ǽ and P is Askanopertwitterelltoopasfrediddleyeah.

[edit] Cases

Danish has a total of 31 cases, most of which are named after the 1983 Green Bay Packers Coaching staff, but there aren't any difference between them. At all. What so ever.

No, really, there's not.

[edit] Annoying letters found only in Danish

Ǽ ǽ, Ø ø, Å å, Ỗ ỗ, P p, Ð ð, IJ ij, Þ þ, Д д, Ә ә, Җ җ, Ҹ ҹ, Ҝ ҝ, ß, 卐, Ợ, ŧ, ჭ, ლ, Θ, カ, θ, σ, ფ, ŋ, 龘齉豔籲鬱釁. Additionally, there's a little squiggly sausage-shaped thing. No one can figure it out.

And then there is the forgotten letter Üks .This legendary letter was forgotton by most danes, but it was rediscovered 1/9 2008 in Kølding. It is a strange mix of X and Y.

Most Danish vowels originated from the sounds typically made by the aforementioned diseased seal choking on differently shaped Danish cookies.

[edit] Numbers

Danes have trouble relating to such concepts as "70" or "63", and so has invented their own system when it comes to numbers.

• 1 - En.
• 10 - Ti.
• 20 - Tyve
• 30 - Tredive
• 40 - Fyrre
• 50 - Halvtres
• 60 - Kvarttres
• 70 - Fyrrefemdtedelssnes
• 80 - Halvfemssnedsindstyvendesgross
• 90 - Nidtendusinhalvsnesgrossfyrrefemtedelssnesdeletpåfemogtyve
• 100 - Halvfjerdsihalvtredsintyvendepotensmedflødeogkogtekartoflerhakkebøffyldetmedgufogetlillekirsebærpåtop

[edit] Icelandic hate

Danish is hated in the contry of Iceland. The Icelanders often call the language "kúaskítur", "baunamál" og "mál-sem-fólk-með-katröflu-í-hálsinum-talar". Every human child in Iceland is forced to learn Danish (avridge grade 1,2). Those law are writted by The Undemocratic Communist Party of Iceland and Faroes Islands. Faroes also hate "Denmarkismål".

[edit] Phrases in Danish

• "Uncyclopedia" Uncyclopedia
• "Oscar Wilde" Oscar Wilde
• "Remouladekage" Idiot
• "Jan" Dude
• "Mohammed og Allah gik ind på en bar.." So, Mohammed and Allah walk into a bar..
• "Øl" Beer
• "Øl" Beers
• "Computer" Computer
• "Jeg gi'r sgu en sharwarma" Hi, nice to meet you
• "Farvel lille ønskealf" Goodbye little wish elf
• "Jeg gi'r en luder!" Thanks!
• "Så gi'r du en bajer en anden gang!" You're welcome!
• "Pilsner" Beer
• "Bajer" Also beer
• "Dåseøl" Beer served in a can
• "Fadøl" Beer served in a cup
• "Ministerrokade" Beer served in a rabbit
• "Juleøl" Beer served in December
• "Påskeøl" "Juleøl" served in April
• "Tyrepis" Foreign beer
• "Guldøl" Two beers jammed in to one regular size beer bottle
• "Undtagelsestilstand" Absence of beer
• "Tilfredshed" Having lots of beer
• "Lager" Pseudo-beer
• "Budweiser" Water
• "Din Mor" Your Mom
• "Jeg ordnede din mor" I did your mom
• "Wikipedia" Stupid
• "BØSSE" Gay
• "Ylva" Jens
• "Prins Henrik" Faggot
• "Hold kæft dit syge svin" Hello, how are you
• "Rødgrød med fløde" I just bit my tongue
• "Sut mig kælling!" Can i have some water, please?
• Di Di neh
• "Danskersvin" A very friendly way to address non-native danes on the street and in shops. It will earn you great street-credit to shout "Danskersvin" and point at different people, especially at big angry looking Dane. "Danskersvin" is also a a nice fruit to put on pizza's and a flower worn on men's hats at easter.
• "Jorj dubbelyoo boosh" so stupid that your brains leak out of your ears and go huff some kittens.
• "Har du ikke 2 kroner?" Kick me in the nuts
• "Perle" What Danes call Swedish foreigners