From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Damone is a power-pop band from Boston, which is widely believed to be the worst city in all of creation for everything from music, to food, to hookers. Despite coming from such a shit hole, they have created a sound which is only slightly crappy.
A few years after his death, Vic Damone wanted to take another shot at the music biz, and Damone is what has come of it, after many lineup changes and stylistic turnarounds. Not much is known about the band except for the lineup before the current lineup, so that is where we shall start. After a few years of Vic being back in the grave, Dave Pino was recruited as a lead guitarist, at which point he kicked everyone else out of the band. There was some drunk guy sitting outside his apartment, and he said to him "Hey, you want to play drums for my band?" This drunk guy, Dustin Hengst, had actually banged a set of pans when he was a child, so was an expert drummer. Needless to say, they started jamming, and all was good.
A few weeks later, in need of a bassist, they put out an add in the local paper. Vasquez, who was a substitute school teacher in spite of his severe mental retardation, answered their call, and despite Dustin hogging all the booze, everything went well during the audition. A few days later, Dave wanted to start pulling out some solos. Because of his limited mental capacity, Vasquez couldn't keep rhythm, so a second guitarist was needed. Since Vasquez was a school teacher, he had molested a few children in his day, and knew of one who could play a guitar fairly decently. Enter Noelle LeBlanc, the gifted, but deaf as a post, singer and guitar chick.
As time went by, the band decided to get off their asses and write music. What they produced in their first two years became their first album, From the Closet. During the tour for this album, Dustin caught Dave taking a sip of his whiskey. Because Dustin is such an immature alcoholic and jealous about his liquor, they ended up in an argument, at the end of which Dave quit the band. It is said that Dave is so ashamed of his pussing out during this fight that he threw himself off the edge of the Earth.
After a four month bender, the band decided, once again, to get off their asses and write music. After about three weeks, they realized that they had no lead guitarist. With this in mind, they recruited some chubby guy named Woods or Woody or Boner or something like that, to be their guitarist. He has since turned to anorexia to lose the exess pounds, and is now a sexy beast. At this point, they said "FUCK YOU!" to RCA, who said "FUCK YOU RIGHT BACK!" and dropped them. They then stole some riffs from the theme songs of children's television shows and started writing music. This got them signed to Island, where they have tried to get The Killers dropped with no success.
After a while, they recorded the music they had written before getting signed to Island, and released it as Out Here All Night.
At some unknown time during the history of the current lineup, the following happened:
- Vasquez's head exploded
- Dustin Learned to share
- The band saw a man mauled by a puma
- Woods or Woody or Boner or whatever his name sold all of the band's equipment for drug money
edit Current and former band members
- Noelle LeBlanc - Vocals, guitar
- Vasquez - Unknown, supposedly bass
- Dustin Hengst - Getting drunk, breaking shit
- Whatever his name is - Lead guitar
- Vic Damone - Vocals, piano, cello, digereedoo...
- Johnny Santos - Screaming, guitar
- A one legged dog - Being a one legged dog
- Lars Ulrich - Not catching the beat
- (hed) p.e. - writing shitty music
- Will Smith - Vocals, zamboni
- John Wayne - Shooting rowdy concert goers
- Lil' John - YEAH!
- Vince Neil - Vocals
- Slash - Guitar, doing drugs
- Rising Zan - Muse
- It - Eating babies
- Tim Curry - Curry
- Mick Foley - Barbed wire
- John Bonham - Drums
- Lenny Cravitz - Guitar, vocals, being black, having dreadlocks
- Tye Zamora - Bass
- Leo Fender - Calling stuff by the wrong name
- Satan - Fucking Sadam
- Stan - Spoons
- Joan Jett - Vocals, guitar
- Travis Barker - Tatoos
- Dave Pino - Lead guitar, shitty music
- A bunch of other untalented people - Whatever it was they did