DVD
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Where wouldn't we be with DVD?”
~ Oscar Wilde on DVD
“This rental DVD must be way more damaged than it seems. Half of the VTS_01_1.VOB file is unreadable”
~ n00b attempting to copy a sony DVD with the use of antique software (and subsequently getting pwnd)
The DVD is an optical storage format that was primarily invented as a alternative to rubber-tire wheels during World War 2, it was later determined through Experimentation that the DVD could have the potential to prevent children from breathing.
Contents |
[edit] History
The DVD or Direct Vagianl Destruction, was invented on June 14th for the purpose of prividing somthing shinny to throw at small children by Nicholas Tesla in 1942, Edison then "Struck him about the head with a newspaper and took the invention for himself" this had begun the Format War's, as in a blind Rage Nicholas invented Blue_Ray. Unlike Tesla's version, Edison solely used newspaper for the purpose of recycling, which helped Nicholas to develope blue ray, as it was made of used condoms and Sandpaper, these materials where his orignal inspiration as his mothers juice was on the first used condom.
[edit] The 2nd and 3rd First DVD
The first modern DVD contained all information up to 1995. It was pretty big compared to like the commercial DVD's we have now, so only one was made. Scientists planned to send it back in time using a giant slingshot, however, later realized that such technology did not yet exist. This would have allowed our civilization to invent every possible invention virtually in an instant and nothing could possibly go wrong. The DVD containing all human knowledge is currently in a warehouse somewhere, (most likely area 41) waiting for a DVD containing all human knowledge from the future to be sent to us. Then we can send our DVD back in time. Some have theorized that such a futuristic DVD would simply be better off sent further into the past as we plan to do with our DVD. However, that would mean our DVD, which was ridiculously expensive, is just a big waste. So, unless humans in the future are as dickheaded as they are now, this shouldn't be a problem.
The first commercial DVD was invented in 1996 as a smaller version of the DVD containing all knowledge; the idea to shrink the DVD down to a more manageable size being related to the Edison DVD, and hence the carry over of the name. The commercial DVD was first used as practical storage for the Blondie comics and as an easy way to hide porn, just as edison had intended.
[edit] Modern Use
The modern DVD has been scaled down to a sensible size, and it can now hold 8GB of pirated movies, which is goody-goody hooray. Some overloaded DVDs are also known to hold 10GB, however these are considered unstable and may melt or fly through the air and cut your hands off. However, a top-secrect "Blue-ray" disc is said to be held in Area 51 and is heavily guarded by goombas and Bowser. This is the internet, so of course we know about it. Word has also leaked that it may hold up to 50GB, and the reason for that is to hopefully upload every bit of Hanna-Montanna material onto a single disc so that it can be safly contaid deep in the Asse II nuclear waste pit near Salzgitter,Germany.
[edit] Manufacture
Today, DVDs are created by using heavy metals retrieved from dead politicians and melted into discs, then polished and sent through a laser that etches the desired pirated content onto the disc. The disc is then sent to a packing station to be packaged by "the droids", then sent off by disgruntled UPS workers.
[edit] DVD Special Features
Many DVD's will come with extra additions then just the movie, unless you bought a pirated copy, or the cheap bastards who put the DVD together are either lazy, or holding back to release another version of the DVD soon.
- Trailer - The trailer is one of the most popular special features. They are thrown onto most DVD's to give the option menu a look like there is more then just the movie on the disc. Basically it is just something to look pretty, and isn't actually on the disc, as no one ever want's to watch them. Other time's the DVD might contain a few trailers to other movies, and irritate you as you try to skip over them when you insert the disc, and you get a message saying, "That operation can not be done" or "Unknown Command" as the movie company has programed you to not be able to skip them so you have to watch them, as the DVD company has a laugh about the frustration's people get by having to sit through this, and it makes them feel bigger then you.
- Surround Sound - Surround sound can come in, 2.0, 2.1, 3.0. 4.0, 5.0, 5.1, 6.9, 7.8, THX, Dolby, Stereo of Mono surround sound. Always make sure this bonus feature is included. As so many DVD's out there have 0.0 surround, to no sound at all. The bonus feature of audio is always a good thing.
- Production Notes - These are pages of text, like viewing information to read online. They could be notes from the director about how the movie came to be made, concept ideas, or maybe even the script, but it has never been known since all the font and text is to small, it is impossible to read on most television screens that are under 500 foot in height.
- Featurettes - These usually consist of behind the scenes footage, that normally will consist of 3 seconds from the movie, and the actors, producers, special FX crew, caterers, gynecologists and the cleaner's talking about there roles on the movie, and try to involve you in some funny thing that happened while making the movie, like when the cleaner couldn't find his car keys, and walked in on the set not knowing filming was under way, but they decided it was so funny they kept that shot in the movie anyway.
- Music Video - This is a feature that will be the actual music video to the 3rd or 4th best song in the movie. 9 times out of 10 the song is not even heard in the movie, but the producers paid so much money to have access to the song, you may as well get an unknown band's video effort to a song you will never want to hear again.
- Outtkes/Bloopers - These are put onto the DVD for EMO's who need to see something to encourage them to finally end there own lives.
- Story Boards - We don't know what this feature is, other then you should never click it, or you will become EMO, and have to refer to the previous feature.
- Deleted Scenes - These where first introduced to classic movies from 20 or more years before the creation of DVD's. They where really cool watch scenes that did not make it into the final cut of the film. However, modern day movies began inserting these things too, and now is filled with useless scenes with numbers and letters around the screen that run for 20 minutes or more, because modern day directors have the technology to film in digital, and offer every last thing they shot to be seen for the fans of the movie. Too bad only 4 people in the world ever find the feature interesting.
- Still/Photo Gallery - This is a game put onto some DVD's to give your thumb a work out, and see how many clicks it takes to get to skim through a bunch of pictures. The trick to the game is get through all the pictures without falling asleep, or giving up and pressing the menu button.
- Audio Commentary - This is an audio track to play along as the movie is playing; they are often of the producer, director or an actor of the film, sometimes all of them, and they will start off a commentary with, "I will say this, because I think you have watched the movie before, if you haven't, i'm spoiling it for you" like anyone in there right mind would buy a DVD and stick the commentary on before watching the film. Then they will talk, and laugh and say things like, "OMG, I Remember the day we shot this" and you will think, "OMG, be hard to remember it if you weren't there, huh" - Then they will inform you on riveting information about the hotels they stayed in, how the food was, who there friend is who is way in the background of the scene as an extra, and which scenes was shot before which one, and all this incredible information you will find exciting and feel you life now means something by knowing all this stupendous information. It's also a good time for them to mention how much they hated the guts of there co-stars, which ones they slept with, and which one's the hate the guts of because they wouldn't sleep with them.
- Warning: Under no circumstances must you ever listen to a Farrelly Brothers commentary. It is highly hazardous to your health, 7 people a month on average die from listening to a Farrelly Brothers commentary.
[edit] Definition of DVD's Labels
- Special Edition - This is a DVD meaning it is the second release of the movie and comes with a trailer and audio commentary this time. Sometimes even a featurette.
- Collectors Edition - This will be the 3rd version of the movie released, and come with an extra disc of bonus features you could have lived without seeing.
- Criterion Edition - This is what they call the re-release of the collectors edition, with an art cover more like the special editions one.
- Platinum Edition - This is a re-release of the original first edition with nothing more then a trailer and commentary, but now on the front cover has a shiny gold logo, and is half the price it originally was.
- Metal Edition - For the millions of fans out there who always wanted there favorite DVD to be sold in a tin box.
[edit] Other Meanings of DVD
- Dat Very Dumb!
- Donald von Duck
- Dangerous vats (of) Disaster!
- Dick Van Dyke
- Dirty Victorian Diaper
- Degenarative Vascular DoDad
[edit] Also on DVD
--Gyrojet 18:04, 18 February 2008 (UTC)
