MS-DOS

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Look up MS-DOS in Undictionary, the twisted dictionary

“edit C:\autoexec.bat format C:”

~ Format Virus on DOS

“C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN”

~ Dr. Seuss on DOS

MS-DOS (Microsoft Disk Obfuscating System), the successor to the MS-UNO operating system, was the well-known second fundamental operating system programmed by Microsoft, which featured extraordinary graphics that could display writing in 2D. Since MS-DOS programmers had mostly forgotten the specifications of the 439-year-old MS-UNO, rendering it a semi-obsolete resource, they started fresh and basic with a plain monochrome text user interface, greatly limiting the actual capabilities of the Microsoft OS user. An everyday MS-DOS user was only able to type text commands into the interface, receiving mediocre feedback from MS-DOS. In general, MS-DOS was harder to use than MS-UNO, due to the great reduction in knowledge of simple GUIs over a period of 400 years.

Although MS-DOS was originally designed for people with programming skiiz,it was later developed as a graphical interface to run on top of Microsoft Windows. MS-DOS morphed and took over an estimated 97% of computers and web servers in 1994, 1999, and 2003. With MS-DOS users were able to use virtual phenomenon instructions with every other known operating system. MS-DOS was later supposedly developed to help low-IQ presidents to serve the people better.

[edit] DOS=(B)SoD Backwards

Due to the extreme popularity of the Blue Screen, Microsoft ingeniously kept users familiar with the BSoD by naming its operating system after it; this was the logic of MS-UNO. Because the advertising inherent in MS-BSoD was too obvious, there was no choice but to reverse "BSoD" to become "DoSB." Unfortunately, this appeared too much like a beta's name (maybe there's something to that...), so the "B" was dropped.

But in DOS, a huge leap forwards was made in the field of user friendliness and ease of use- there was the Black Screen of death instead.

[edit] Improvements

MS-DOS is commonly looked upon as a failure compared to the little-known MS-UNO's advanced-styled GUI of the 16th century. However, there were several unnoticed improvements with the MS-DOS operating system:

Ran on an actual computer unit (monitor, keyboard, mouse, and CPU)
Digital data processing
Floppy disk storage
Ability to create, edit, and save documents
Ability to write programs
Gained popularity and market Share
format C: command, which is useful if you do a timewarp back to the days of DOS and want to screw Oscar Wilde's IBM PC.

[edit] Newer Revisions

The latest revision, MS-DOS 9.0.001 (June 27, 1994) added:

Advanced file system harnessing the power of diabetic cats. (AFS-DC)
A preemptive user interface named Miercoles designed entirely around the color fuchsia.
Polyphonic sound effects.
8-bit graphics (256 totally unique characters).
Basic support for printers, fax machines, dishwashers, and frogs.
Technical Support for people with a Nervous Breakdown. (200 bucks/dial-up connection)
A powerful scripting language that, when used correctly, produces hit romance novels.
8-bit ASCII photo editor.
Built-in MS-UNO Emulator

MS-TRES, the successor to MS-DOS, removed all the features, opting for a "have-Bob-do-the-work approach".

[edit] Screenshots

[edit] MS-DOS Emulator

MS-DOS emulator 3.7

(C) Copyright 1985-2009 Microsoft Corp.

You are now logged on as Guest.

C:\>cd /d G:\directory\ROOT\

G:\directory\ROOT>recovery.exe

"recovery.exe" startup

G:\directory\ROOT>find \id123789028381

action complete

G:\directory\ROOT>scan

action complete

G:\directory\ROOT>open \id123789028381

G:\directory\ROOT>cd /d C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover

recover failed

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover all

recover failed, file "all" not found

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover /files 245090260sm.gif, 9927792ire.gif, 892992800io.gif

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover

recover failed

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover

recover failed

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover

recover failed

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>recover

recover failed

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>RECOVER YOU STUPID MACHINE

Bad command or file name.

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>BE GONE WITH YOU

Bad command or file name.

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>ahhh!!1!

Bad command or file name.

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>???

Bad command or file name.

C:\WINDOWS\system\system32\BINREC\RECYCLER>exit

[edit] The average person learns MS-DOS batch; The result:

Microsoft - Denial of Service

(C) Copyright 1985-2009 Microsoft Corp.

C:\>TV

Bad command or file name.

C:\>watch TV

Bad command or file name.

C:\>OPEN

Bad command or file name.

C:\>I need watch TV

Bad command or file name.

C:\>I need watch STAR MOVIE

Bad command or file name.

C:\>CHANNEL38

Bad command or file name.

C:\>START TV damn it!

Too many arguments: START

C:\>START TV

Bad command or file name.

C:\>...I need watch TV!

Bad command or file name.

C:\>AHHH I am VERY MAD!

Bad command or file name.

C:\>Can you let me watch TV??

Bad command or file name.

C:\>!@$%&*!!@@~#

Bad command or file name.

C:\>Smelly TV

Bad command or file name.

C:\>I don't play with you after now

Bad command or file name.

C:\>help

Help is not installed or could not be found. Please see the MS-DOS User's Guide or online help for more information.

C:\>Sorry...please open it...

Bad command or file name.

C:\>

C:\>

C:\>

C:\>Really?

Bad command or file name.

C:\>Yes?

Bad command or file name.

C:\>Are you sure?

Bad command or file name.

C:\>OK...Remember to me

Bad command or file name.

C:\>format c:

In soviet Russia, you do not format hard drive. Hard drive formats YOU!!

C:\>Good thing I don't live in Russia.

But this is Russian server proxy.

C:\>Darn.

Bad command or file name.

C:\>_

[edit] Typical things which happens to the author all the time he writes batch.

Microsoft - Denial of Service

The most perfect and user-friendly operating system ever created.

(C) Copyright 1985-2009 Microsoft Corp.

C:\>systeminfo

System:
IBM

4.77 MHz processor

64 KB RAM

IBM Color Graphics Adapter 16384 bytes Graphics

File system: FAT12

Ethernet connection: 1 byte Modem connection

Overall status:
Ethernet Status: Fatal

Current computer status: Ready for use

Computer status update: FATAL

Current time: Cannot update time; not receiving any response from Ethernet server

Timezone: Cannot find timezone; not receiving any response from Ethernet server

C:\>dir

FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE! FATAL SYSTEM FAILURE!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

An error occurred while trying to load Blue Screen of Death.

C:\>what!?

'what!?' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

C:\>Explain this, computer!

'Explain this, computer!' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

Shutting down in 10 seconds

Shutting down in 9 seconds

C:\>backup

'backup' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

Shutting down in 8 seconds

C:\>backup OS

'backup OS' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

Shutting down in 7 seconds

Shutting down in 6 seconds

Shutting down in 5 seconds

Shutting down in 4 seconds

C:\>BACKUP ALL TO FLOPPY!!!!

'BACKUP ALL TO FLOPPY!!!!' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

Shutting down in 3 seconds

Shutting down in 2 seconds

C:\NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file.

Shutting down in 1 second

Shutting down...

Reinstall MS-DOS and run a complete reboot.

All information is lost.

[edit] See also

Microsoft Windows ®

Your money. Our passion.

• Detect "non-genuine" products

• Gather user information

• Cripple core system components

• Deploy legal team

• Launch civil litigation

Estimated time remaining:

Less than 1 min.

Installing Windows has never been ~~easier~~ easy

All you need to do is to phone your local Microsoft Customer Representative, write down a very long set of numbers, type it all in, get an error message, phone our Customer Representative again, adjust a few things, get another very long set of numbers, type it all in again, install a few drivers, activate Windows again, lather, rinse and repeat.

Related technology: