From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Vinyl Jessica Scratch, also known by her stage name as DJ Pon3, Skrillex The Incarnation or Deadhor5 of Deadmau5, is a DJ who does nothing but bob her head up and down forever, even when asleep, eating breakfast, at the toilet, during sexual intercourse or murdering your wife. She has also been known to play certain country music and then doing it like a normal DJ would do. She has a sister/lesbian friend/annoying roommate/complete douchebag female friend named Octavia who is Vinyl's favorite friend and enemy. Vinyl's closet consists of CD's, a phonograph, a pornograph, Pandora's box containing evils and a piece of hope, a juice box, Earth's self-destruct button, and some sort of Hoplon that Leonidas I would use.
Vinyl was born in a small town when Caligula dropped the soap, and had to move somewhere to avoid getting raped, along with his family and pets. Vinyl studied in Phallus Educational Nonsense Into Sensitivity (P.E.N.I.S.) to grow up as a gynecologist, but she failed to study about vaginas because she does not even know what it is. Vinyl then moved to Springfield she studied at Springfield Heights Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T.), along with Apu. When she found a DJ's table covered with rocks, poopoo and corpses inside the dump beside the institute, she tried it, and loved the music it played and bobbed her head along with the music, though she was actually playing the horrible music played by the Portsmouth Sinfonia band.
At age 15, she went in as a DJ in a funeral, BUT instead of a sad elegy, she played crazy dubstep music, and everyone died. The end. Vinyl payed $3542 for the funeral of every single person who died, along with the road kill, which she has nothing to do with them. After she lost the amount of money needed to
start a war get a job as a DJ, she went to a Mafia from Liberty City and became the DJ there. Princess Celestia went to see what the fuss is all about, and it's not about my underwear inside the freezer... Again. The princess saw Vinyl bobbing her head once she hears a song, even if it's Christian metal. Princess Celestia became proud of Vinyl Scratch and then renamed her "DJ Pon3". She gradually accepted, and fell to the Hole of Doom, and inside it was Equestria.
edit Life as a DJ
She loved being a DJ. In fact, she is bored being a DJ, but loves being bored. The songs she plays a lot are songs by Skrillex, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky,
Justin Bieber Kanye West and deadmau5. She can save the world with her BASS CANNON, which is her main weapon to Destroy All Humans Save All Humans from certain destruction and corruption. Her everyday life is to play any killer bass songs out loud while doing anything. Vinyl's dishwasher is a REALLY loud bass speaker that plays any songs made by deadmau5, which the vibrations can wash the dishes, along with your head filled with brains. If you try eating breakfast while she washes the dishes you will go permanently insane and retarded, like Budoy or some other stupid freak I never wanna talk with.
She's a 24-7 DJ.
edit Life with Octavia
Octavia is Vinyl's friend. She is the exact opposite of Vinyl, save to both being a horse, women and addicted to alcohol. Octavia prefers classy music while Vinyl prefers dubstep music that can result to you being raped in the ear. Their friendship existed because while Vinyl was looking for a bottle of Jack Daniel's, she found a stoned and drunken Octavia drinking a bottle of it. Vinyl asked for a cup, which Octavia accepted. They became high happily ever after, until they broke up once due to a bar fight at which Octavia lost the bet after she taught that Carl Edwards will win the race. After parting up, Octavia realized she lost a
life friend. She then starts to cry. She tried to resist it, but she can't, because she's a complete pussy. Vinyl wubbed her hair with affection. Octavia asked for an apology while crying a river of tears. Vinyl accepted, and then ended the fight with a kiss.
edit Powers and abilities
Vinyl Scratch has certain abilities that are quite awesome. Here's the list of them:
- Head bobbing
- Taunting people
- Giving people the middle hoof
- Music remixing
- Cleaning the dishes using bass music
- Mowing the lawn using bass music
- Bathing using bass music
- Picking her nose using bass music
- Head bobbing, but sideways.
- Seeing God in Heaven through a mirror
- Entering mirrors
- Counting to potato (Unconfirmed)
- Head bobbing while asleep
- Being dead
- Eating flesh
- Using an iPod, then roasting it over a fire
- Summoning her BASS CANNON
- Killing anyone at the vicinity when playing her heavy, ear raping dubstep music
- Swallowing 8 swords at once and getting a surgery
edit Music she made
edit Awards she got
- Best Hero of Equestria of all time
- Best Idiot Who Disturbs Neighbors Award 2012
- Best Christian Missionary of all time
- Worst Arson Starter Who Burned The Entire Pentagon To Nothingness award 2011
- Best bloodbath competitor 2009 (Juggernaut)
On April 22, 2012 she was arrested and sent to custody in Equestrian Justice Precinct because she is wanted for burning millions of houses, buildings, people, breakfast cereals and water.
At the same date, but at night, Vinyl was escaped her jail cell, and the
corrupt cops cannot find her anywhere in Equestria. It was revealed that she left Greece and went to somewhere in Italy to meet Mi Amore Cadenza and make a deal to stay away from Equestria for the rest of her life. She was seen looking at the moon, crying and regretting to eat her leg escape her Best Friend Forever, which is kinda ironic because their friendship lasted for 3 hours.