From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“If I had a dollar for every time I was bullied I'd be rich and straight”
“Just watch me ... bang on his drums”
“I am the 3rd best drummer in the Beatles”
Drummer bullying is a prevalent underground practice still used by elitist stuffy musicians.
A drummer bully is one who does not play the drums but deems it necessary to point out to a drummer his flaws. For example, an elitist might point out to a drummer that more ride cymbals are needed . This practice is not to be confused with the "more cowbell" syndrome (see Cowbell).
Drummer bullying began to become popular as part of the 17th century French Baroque cultural revolution ... "if it ain't Baroque don't fix it" goes the old saying.
In the spirit of the times, drummer bullying was seen as a sign of high social stature,status and importance. In early drummer bullying, a practicing bully would shout out "flam la beoch" (bully you bitch) before banging the cymbals of a poor unsuspecting village drummer who would be immediately shamed, scorned and ridiculed by the entire village for at least 3 weeks. This is in contrast to the French Taunter who usually shouted out how your father reeked of elderberries.
It was good humour to abuse and ridicule the village Drummer which was a popular pastime of the French culture at the time.
edit Modern Drummer Bullying
Drummer bullying as a means of exacting social status has come along way. In modern times, drummer bullying occurs much more subtly. A drummer bully before stalking the drummer will convey kind intentions to the drummer. In any particular jam session, a drummer bully will approach the drummer's drum set and start to bang a particular drum or cymbal to emphasize the importance of not neglecting that drum or cymbal. Although the words "bully you bitch" are no longer uttered, the effect is just as effective. The modern drummer usually finds the attack by the elitist musician an affront to his artistic freedom and usually utters four letters in contempt.
John Lennon and Paul McCartney(he is dead) bullied Ringo Starr all the time.Laughing at his songwriting and his drumming skills, but they were just jealous of his nose, which was so large he played the kick drums with it.Tre Cool of Green Day, is apparently Ringo`s son sharing common traits such as big nose and awful drum rolls and subject to torture by Billy "Blow" Armstrong.
Drummer bullying Treaty of 1994
As a result of world wide drummer bullying practices, many drummers have petitioned their governments for more protection. In the summer of 1994 the Geneva Drummer Convention assembled the best drummers from around the world and even Lars Ulrich was invited. As to this date over 42 countries have signed on to this treaty outlawing the practice of drummer bullying.
However drummer bullying still occurs in underground garages, jam rental spaces especially in rural Iowa. Some have likened drummer bullying to Castration or Flaming vagina ... the Center for Disease Control have not yet confirmed nor denied these comparisons.
It is widely known that three of out every 3 drummers has been exposed to drummer bullying. In 2007 Lars Ulrich revealed on Oprah that he had been abused by no less then 25 drummer bullies. Another interesting fact is that drummer bullying is not the same in different countries - in some countries like Nigeria, men are castrated for drummer bullying.
edit Further Reading
- Odd Drummer Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression towards Drummers" by Zildian Drumpee ISBN 0834527348
- Drummercide, Death of a Victorian Drummer by Gilles Paiste and Tim Cymbale ISBN 0-95252021-1-0
- A Journey Out of drummer bullying: From Despair to Hope by Byron E Banger ISBN 0-95255221
- New Perspectives on drummer Banging by Ken Tuning ISBN 0-75255221-2-0
- Bully-proofing drummers: A hands-on guide to stop drummer bullying , Joanne HiHat, Dave Kik