Cylon
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“We invented the evil robot thing, and the Cylons ripped us off, dammit.”
~ Cybermen on The Cylons
“I'm tired of these motherfrakkin cylons on this motherfrakkin battlestar!”
~ Samuel L. Jackson on Cylons
“The only good thing they did was kill Boxey. And then they killed his dog-thing, dammit!”
~ Commander Adama on Cylons
Cylons appear humanoid and range from the dimwitted and slow moving type with the one red eye (which they obviously ripped off form KITT) covered in a lot of heavy metal to one that can pass for human and pass its soul on to a new body after death. Really old Cylons used to be toasters.
Originally obsessed with chasing the Battlestar Galactica, they found their way to Earth, thanks a lot, Commander Adama. They have an awful aim, and have about as much IQ as a rock. Their terrible aim is because the red thingy flashing across their 'eye' is in fact, an eye. It (the red thingy) is constantly moving across their faces, and as a result, they can't hit a spaceship at point-blank range. That, added to their double digit IQs, causes problems for them.
Contents |
[edit] Cylon Evolution
God decided that Cylons were not annoying enough, and decided to try Evolution on them, as God and the Sci Fi Channel remade the Battlestar Galactica and the Cylons which created the New Battlestar Galactica universe with some minor changes like Starbuck is a woman, Captain Apollo is a momma's boy, Colonel Tigh is white and suffers from alcoholism, and the Twelve Colonies took up Kitten Huffing which lead them to use Microsoft Windows for their starships and the Cylons uploaded spyware to disable them and kill off most of the humans. Currently the Cylons stay one step behind the Battlestar Galactica to guide them back to Earth and wipe out the human race again so history can repeat itself, because God is cool like that. First God remade the Cylons in the image of the Terminators mixed with bits from the Classic Cylons, and that worked for a bit. Yet God decided that it was too much like New Coke, and why should humans have all the fun, so God Evolved the Cylons to look and act like humans, yet be faster, stronger, smarter, and sexier than humans are. Apparently God is cool like that, as God loves the Cylons. Too bad he hates us.
The name 'Cylon' comes from Billy Ray Cyrus and Celine Dion, as God is a big fan of both.
[edit] Cylons are Hawt now!
Anyway, unknown to all on the Battlestar Galactica, God secretly placed some human looking Cylons in the colony. God even wiped their memories so they would forget that they were Cylons, until the time came for them to make their moves.
Some say that Cylons have already made it to Earth using their advanced technology, and are working for low salaries to take over the jobs of humans on Earth. That they founded Scientology, and put a lot of Cylons as robot actors in movies and TV shows. Rumor has it that Tom Cruise is a Cylon. Cylons were briefly mentioned in the Space Opera in Scientology. Cylons have been replacing Sheeple since God got into one of his creative moods.
[edit] Cylon Herpes
The theory of cylon herpes is a theory based on the assumption that since Dr. Balthasar f*cked a cylon, she injected cylon nano probes into his c*ck which have gone to his brain and addjusted it so he can see number 6. One good thing about this is that he constantly relieves shagging a hot babe, the bad side is that he see sh*t and be choked by acylon (kinky) EVERY DAMN EPISODE!!!1
[edit] Cylon invasion of the Holy Roman Empire
Several Cylons jumped over the intergalactic fence and landed in the Holy Roman Empire. Cylons thought they would defeat the Holy Roman menace this way. They ended up having low salary jobs.
[edit] See also
| It's Not Such a Bad Little Article. Maybe all it needs is a little love. Please show this article some love by improving it. |
