UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Currentevents)
Jump to: navigation, search
UnNews Front Page

A newsstand that's brimming with issues

UnNews Logo Potato
Sunday, July 31, 2016, 03:35:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

UnNews Logo Potato1BREXIT
ROME, Italy -- Britain is under serious threat of becoming a balsamic state, after Italian prime minister Matteo Renzi vowed to “build a new dietary partnership” after Brexit.

This followed intimate talks with Prime Minister Theresa May about sausages and anginas. Full story»

PLYMOUTH, England -- The Royal Navy’s newest warships keep breaking down in the Persian Gulf, because they were not designed for operating while in “hot water.”

The House of Commons was informed that the Royal Navy would not be able to go to sea “much of the time in any place, and on very few days of the year.” Full story»

TAMPA, Florida -- Hillary Clinton has named WWE star “Kane” to be her running mate.

Kane is a theatrical battleground-state politician with working-class roots and a vise-like headlock — traits that she believes will put Donald Trump out for the count in November. Full story»

Stephanie Rawlings-Blake
UnNews Logo Potato1LEFT WING
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- The Democratic Party nominating convention got under way here without any of the controversy swirling around the Republican Party event.

Whereas the GOP had to deal with a politician's wife cribbing lines that rightly belonged to the politician's wife who stole them first, the Democrats survived the first day with only the surprise resignation of the party's national chairwoman. Full story»

Trump supervillains
UnNews Logo Potato1RIGHT WING
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The 2016 Republican Nominating Convention confirmed Donald Trump as the candidate for U.S. President, turning back a move by the law-and-order party to break state election laws and nominate anyone else.

To harmonize with Trump's theme in the primary, "Make America Great Again," while trying to make it mean something definite, each day of the convention had its own stirring copycat theme, and even before Melania Trump gave a copycat speech. Full story»

Trending Now
Second Front Pages: GreeceHillary!UK 2015 electionBrexit

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom

Minitrue ± What's This?

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.

About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

Today...only, four years ago

TV Highlights July 31

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

Personal tools