UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Redirected from Currentevents
Jump to: navigation, search
UnNews Front Page

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Saturday, January 20, 2018, 17:53:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

MONTGOMERY, Alabama,USA -- Republican senatorial candidate Roy Moore confirmed he now has the support of the Ku Klux Klan for the Special election in December 2017. Underfire for allegations of dating children, Moore said he welcomed 'any help I can git'. His supporters now think Moore has a winning coalition to defeat his rival, the unashamed Liberal, Democratic Party candidate Doug Jones.

The KKK said they had 'no choice' but to support Moore as they are upset with Jones for his 'anti-patriotism stance' as regards prosecuting Klan members for' minor crimes like black people in the 1960s'. Their decision to back Moore persuaded President Donald Trump it was safe to come out and support Moore. Full story»

Buzz and Charlie
Sunnydale, California -- Tragically, just hours after his death at age 83, beloved and highly respected polymath and philanthropist Charles Manson has been cleared of the Tate-LaBianca murders that sent him to prison for life. This was proven by YouTuber StreeTCap1, who also recently proved that the 1972 Apollo 17 mission to the moon was faked. There, he revealed an image of a stagehand reflected in an astronaut’s visor that also shows a Sephora store in the background. On very close study, it also shows the shadow of a dead man hanging in the background.

Later, after going through pictures from the fake Apollo 11 "moon landing" supposedly made in 1969, StreeTCap1 found an image that accidentally showed Charles Manson in it. This was also from the fake moon soundstage in the secret studio complex set up in Area 51, now a part of the Universal Studios tour. Full story»

NASHVILLE, United Kingdom of Amerika A White Supremacist group, the Neo-Nazis, are having an end of year pool party from 6 to 8 p.m. tomorrow at Nashville City Pool. All current registered Neo-Nazis are invited to attend. This is a bring-a-white-friend event, to formally present them to society. There is no cost to attend this event.

To participate in the ball you or your date's age must be from 16 to 25 years, and be pre-selected to be a debutante for the International Debutante Ball, held every two years in New York City. The Neo-Nazi Mobile Shop will be there. We will also have Girl Scout cookies, appletini's and kegs of Purple Hand Beer, and also a live DJ playing the latest dance and hip-hop. Full story»

WASHINGTON, USA -- USA Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin and his wife Louise 'Entitled moi?' Linton proudly hold up a sheet of the new wallpaper design. Made with using real US dollars, the wallpaper will soon be seen lining the rooms of many government offices.

"Lining our walls with real dollar bills shows how much we believe in making America Great Again," said Mnuchin." Unlike so much in America - thanks to Barack Obama and his fellow secret Democrats like George W. Bush, you can make dollar bills in this country. No one can print our money!."

Mnuchin added that his wife Louise would do all the necessary 'arrangements' for the decoration project and hopes that the job will soon be done. She added.

"This dollar wallpaper will be flawless and I trust many Americans will be feel proud to see their money lining our walls. We hope to see in future other Dollar bill products like kitchen tiles and loungers. I think being so close to real money makes you wish you had more." Full story»

INVERNESS, SCOTLAND -- During an interview with UnNews published Tuesday, an apparition claiming to be the ghost of late Thane of Lobacher Banquo said he "always liked" King Macbeth and that his alleged murder had taken him completely by surprise.

"When I went to Glanis I would always meet with him and we'd play golf. But you know, who were those witches?" he asked, referring to a trio of black magic practitioners alleged to have spoken privately with the two politicians.

"They must have dragged the Macbeths to the dark side a few days before my death."

Banquo said he used to talk to the two "all the time."

"And suddenly they're trying to kill me," he said. "Like what the hell? It just came out of nowhere."

"I tried to have a conversation with His Majesty at a recent banquet. I appeared before him and tried to tell him, 'Listen, you're nuts.' And he just flipped out." Full story»

Trending Now
Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom

Minitrue ± What's This?

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.

About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

Today...only, two years ago

TV Highlights January 20

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

Personal tools