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Friday, May 29, 2015, 19:28:59 (UTC)

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Angus Robertson
WESTMINSTER, England -- The delegation of 56 new Members of the new Parliament from the Scottish National Party (SNP) promptly committed multiple faux pas on their first day on the job.

The outbursts were too much for Speaker John Bercow, who furiously rifled through the manual on Parliamentary Etiquette for a citation. Full story»

Trevor Baylis
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LORDS CRICKET GROUND, London -- Trevor Baylis, 78, the inventor of the wind-up radio, is the England cricket team’s new head coach.

The team lined up to hail the success of a really nice old chap landing himself “the big job.” However, others concluded that winning the Ashes just got a little bit harder. Full story»

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ZURICH, Switzerland -- In a tough 'early bird' game between FIFA and the USA FEDS in the Zurich Baur au Lac Hotel reception, eight players were red-carded, handcuffed, and taken out under a blanket to avoid further humiliation.

FEDS manager Barack Obama said it was a 'great victory for American Soccer,' which marked his country's decision to annex the game and run it out of Washington, D.C. in future. Full story»

LEICESTER England, -- Just three years after the discovery of King Richard III under a car park, thousands of car park managers are discovering British Kings under their car parks.

After the Royal Family paid 520 years' backlog of parking fines, Philippa Langley has been inundated with calls from car park owners, claiming to also have Kings buried under their car parks. Full story»

BAGHDAD, Iraq -- Vice President Joe Biden phoned the Iraqi government to patch up relations between the two countries.

Unfortunately, the Islamic State sent actual policymakers to meet with national leaders in person. However, the city's outer defenses were still holding and they couldn't get in. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights May 29

Joy Hour Religion
TBN 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Up and coming pastors ask for financial support in exchange for joy.

British Farce British Farce
BBC America 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Some generically named, impossible to understand British farce.

Quinn the Quantum Guy Children
Nick Jr. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Quinn takes a hilarious look at the double-slit experiment through silly song and dance.

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