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Tuesday, July 26, 2016, 06:33:59 (UTC)

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PLYMOUTH, England -- The Royal Navy’s newest warships keep breaking down in the Persian Gulf, because they were not designed for operating while in “hot water.”

The House of Commons was informed that the Royal Navy would not be able to go to sea “much of the time in any place, and on very few days of the year.” Full story»

TAMPA, Florida -- Hillary Clinton has named WWE star “Kane” to be her running mate.

Kane is a theatrical battleground-state politician with working-class roots and a vise-like headlock — traits that she believes will put Donald Trump out for the count in November. Full story»

Stephanie Rawlings-Blake
UnNews Logo Potato1LEFT WING
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- The Democratic Party nominating convention got under way here without any of the controversy swirling around the Republican Party event.

Whereas the GOP had to deal with a politician's wife cribbing lines that rightly belonged to the politician's wife who stole them first, the Democrats survived the first day with only the surprise resignation of the party's national chairwoman. Full story»

Trump supervillains
UnNews Logo Potato1RIGHT WING
CLEVELAND, Ohio -- The 2016 Republican Nominating Convention confirmed Donald Trump as the candidate for U.S. President, turning back a move by the law-and-order party to break state election laws and nominate anyone else.

To harmonize with Trump's theme in the primary, "Make America Great Again," while trying to make it mean something definite, each day of the convention had its own stirring copycat theme, and even before Melania Trump gave a copycat speech. Full story»

800px-Mesquite Sand Dunes
UnNews Logo Potato1NAVEL-GAZING
WIKIA CITY, California -- After the massacre known as the "Nice attack," the entire UnNews Arabia bureau has walked off the job.

Senior UnNews Editors asserted, on their way out the door, that the competing demands to make articles relate to real-world news and add original comedy that does not sound like advocacy are impossible in today's world, which has become so ridiculous that it is flatly impossible to ridicule it. Full story»

Bloody the frizz jpeg
NICE, France - French authorities say that the lorry driver in the Bastille Day’s routine mass death event was Ms. Frizzle, the former star of the children’s educational series The Magic School Bus.

It was nearly four months since she was reported missing from the PBS Nursing Home for Dead Characters. How she ended up in the south of France is anybody’s guess. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights July 26

Horizon: Investigation into whether Microbiology exists elsewhere in the Universe Science Documentary
BBC 3 7:00 PM GMT
Brian Cox gets an insight into the search of microbiology on other planets.

Who wants to be Abducted by an Alien Quiz Show
ITV1 5:00 PM GMT
A quiz show in which celebrities compete to be kidnapped by ET! (Warning: This programme is for entertainment purposes only and does not support the fact that alien life exists).

Aliens: A daily struggle to survive! Science Documentary
Channel 5 8:00 PM GMT
We meet Alan and Dave, random people off the street who claim they are aliens, to obtain true, scientifically proven facts about alien serial killers living in the Midlands with dramatic narration and the theme from Dracula playing on repeat in the background.

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