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An aerial view of Cupar. The yellow fields in the middle distance are where the locals go to take the piss.

Cupar is a metropolis in the centre of upper-middle-west Europe in a very little place called Fife. A multi-Pulitzer-winning mega-magazine, The Cupar Guide 2007-2008, is available in any local shop at the attractive price of 'Free' - the value of choice among Cupar-shites. The town has an abnormally high abundance of charity shops.

edit Tourist attractions

Duffus park Cupar

The Duffus park is always protected by the police, so increasing Cupar's population is completely safe.

The local Duffus Park (pronounced DOO-FUSS) has been allocated by the Scottish Executive as a local human breeding centre to counteract Scotland's declining birth rate.

Cupar has the World's biggest Argos Extra, attracting more tourists to the area than Big Ben and Legoland combined, as well as a branch of Lithuanian megamarkets known as LIDL (short for Lithuanians In Desperate Living).

The area is also home to the popular Young Offender Institute Bell Baxter High School. The 'High School' was added to the name to prevent potential housebuyers from being deterred by living in an area full of little cunts. The institute had to recently be rebuilt to accommodate the aforementioned vast population increase. It now has four classrooms and a swimming pool. It also provides extensive rehabilitation programmes in the form of musical groups. The most popular of these is the Fife Fiddlers - whose motto is Fiddleus Meus Senseleus, often sung by the regulars of Duffus Park.

edit Population

The hugely popular policy helping with the birth rate (see previous section) has grown out of control, Cupar's population is now three times that of the People's Republic of China.

The population of Cupar make the cast of "deliverance" look like genetic perfection, as Cupar hosts the most in-bred population in Scotland. A man in Cupar could introduce you to his wife and his sister and his grandmother and his girlfriend, and he would be speaking of the same woman. Having sex with anyone not closely related to you is a hanging offence in Cupar.

Every week, three lucky people are chosen by lottery and blown out of Cupar by cannon to control the population. These tend to be the winners of the local 'Rubber Ducky Race' held in Haugh Park (pronounced Hoedcchdcsbreh-ch Park) held usually in May but sometimes in December when everything is frozen solid. The park was given its name by the many smokers that frequent the park and burn the trees with their Lambert & Butler cigarettes.

edit Employement

There is no unemployement in Cupar. The largest employer is the Fife Council and those who do not work there (and even those who do), are employed in food and drinks, which is one of the most popular way of spending time there.

Apart from that aspect there is no economy.

edit Trivia


The Kaiser Chiefs, soon after visiting Cupar.

  • The Kaiser Chiefs recently wrote a song about their time in Cupar. Everyday I Love You Less and Less reached number 1 in every chart in the world.
  • Cupar has a higher than average rate of yellow cars. This has prompted the United Nations World Health Organisation to investigate.
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