From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“For our cause is just, may the lord show us mercy. ”
“The Pope doesn't care about Muslims.”
“Mahoma doesn't care about Jesus.”
“Cruzades? I remember when I began my own Cruzade in name of the Arians.”
“We shall defend our Holy land, wherever the Muslims may be... we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the ports, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the roads, we shall fight in the hills, we shall fight on the boats, we shall fight in the sea, we shall fight over the sea, we shall fight on the castles, we shall fight in the chapels, we shall fight in the vatican; we shall never surrender to Mahoma.”
“With worshipers like you, who needs heretics?”
The Cruzades were the great manifestation of faith after a brainwash by the Vatican. There were nine Cruzades, the first of which began in the 11th century. Many people joined the Cruzades so they could get a helmet with a fancy cross on it and to cut of the heads off of many Mohammadeans.
edit The Eternal Salvation for a Cross or the Triple Back
This was the policy of Pope Jonh Paul XXI. To get people to fight like hell against the Muslims, the Nazis introduced the new career of Cruzade: When you have no time kill a Muslim, when you have time kill a Muslim, when you want to pray kill a Muslim, when you do not want to pray kill a Muslim. If you join in a Cruzade, you get for free a nice cross to put in your hearth. If you have the cross, a Muslim or a Jew can kill you everywere and you may get eaten by a Grue. If you were a Cruzader you can get the eternal salvation granted by God or just burn in H for heretic.
edit Why fight against Muslims?
- It is nice to fight against Mussolini but a Muslim is more easy to type.
- You do not need to take a shower everyday, just one every seven years.
- The Qu'ran was written by Mohammed, the Bible was written by Jews.
- If thou kill a Muslim, you get free milk.
- If thou do not kill a Muslim, the Inquisition gets you.
- In Soviet Russia, Muslim kills YOU!!
- You can meet the legendary Bob!
- You can be own3d by Chuck Norris, but it will be nice.
edit Military and monastic orders
The Knights Templarwere founded in the Year of the Lord 1118 to protect the caravans of cardinals trying to take, sorry, pray at holy land. The Templars were called Templars because they were worshippers and magicians of the temple of Horus. The Templars were reconogised throughout the world because they found the Illuminati. A Templar usually worn a red cross, that is the symbol of the supremacy above the Hospitaliers. The Templars worshipped an Idol called Baphonet, a letal internet virus. They just poked all Muslims with this to get lag! The Templars were the creators of spam and they spamed this page and all the internet with lots of crosses.
Facts about templars:
- They were Aryan.
- They were own3d by Philip XXXXVI
- They created spam.
- They were poor, with horses and a nice little sword.
- They cut the heads off many Muslims.
- They preferred blondes.
- They didn't cut the heads off many Muslims.
- They maybe cut the heads off many Muslims.
- They has two cows; the male was a monk, and the female a Jew.
- Thou are a Templar.
- Masons are Templars.
- Templars pwnz all with the sword.
- Templars are the guardians of the Holy Grail and the phamtom email hacker tool along with Oscar Wilde.
- The Templars Ownz all in Runescape.
- Oscar Wilde was a Templar.
- Darth Hitler was the last Templar grand master.
edit Order of the Hospital of St. John
This order was founded to cut the heads of all the Muslims then get their gold and claim it for the Pope but only the 10%. The Hospital was too wealthy to buy its own little island. The island of Malta was the last HQ of the order. They fought the brave order of Santo Domingo del Carmen y Cristobal Colon. This order was founded the 1st of January of the year 1111 and were called The Only Ones. The Only Ones get a nice black robe with a white cross, symbol of: "We aren't templars, if you don't say thaT we are better than Templars we will not save you from Muslims, n00B pilgrim!".
Facts about the Hospital
- They healed Chuck Norris one time.
- They were worse than Templars but claim to be better than tempalrs.
- Actually they are a bunch of politicians and bishops.
- They cut the head of the Templars.
- They tried to own the Templars.
- They were pwn3d by Muslims.
- all their base are belong to us
- They were bought by Bll gates in the year 2006.
- They will be the plataform for Windows Vista.
- They were the plataform for Door 95.
- They claim to meet Mohammed.
edit Teutonic Knights
What can be said about the Teutonic Kinghts? They were the pimps of the Cruzades. they pwn3d the Muslims a lot. They wore a not-too-nice white robe with a black cross, which symbolised: "Yah Bitch Yah Nigga!". This order were founded in the year 1222 by Jesus. The Order was destroyed in 14something when they fought Chuck Norris at the battle of Tannenberg.
Facts about the Teutonic knights:
- They were Teutonic.
- They were Knights.
- They were raped by Lithuanians in many unknown places.
- They claimed to rape the Lithuanians in many unknown places.
- They claimed to have the "Holy Playstation of Antioch".
- They claimed to vote for the idol "Sanjia"
- They claimed they pwn3d Chuck Norris.
- They had horns.
- They were pimps.
- Old Gregg was the last Grand master of the order, after that they became a charity, no one knows why.
edit The orders today
The Templars were pwn3d by the Inquisition, the Hospital were bought by Bill Gates and the Teutonic army is now a Charity, any questions?