“Don't forget ladies and gentlemen that although Crimewatch presents an image crime, in practice the chances of YOU being the victim of crime are very remote. Unless you're a single, female, old age pensioner, in which case you are probably being burgled senseless as we speak.”
The programme has for most of its existence attempted to be very serious. However, broadcasters finally realised everyone just watches it for a bit of a laugh, which lead to longtime presenters Francois Duvalier and Brian Blessed being sacked in 2008 and replaced with far sillier presenters. The show also moved to a Cluedo based format.
Nickolas Grace of "Robin of Sherwood" fame and dodgy singer Seth Putnam have henceforth presented the show. Putnam is usually drunk and introduces segments wrongly. He often exclaims, "My bag!" when he realises he has made a mistake. He has thought for many years that this is the correct phrase. However, it isn't.
Nickolas Grace ends each episode by telling viewers that the best way to avoid crime is to have rich parents, so one does not have to live in a dangerous area.
Phone In Competition
The most popular segment of the programme is the phone-in competition "Spot the Peado", where viewers are invited to ring the studio and guess which of the mugshots of suspects shown are wanted for child sex offences. When a lot of black suspects are shown the task is made easier, since there are no black peadophiles. Winners get the chance to personally meet the suspect they have chosen in a secret location. This stopped however in 1934 due to a large amount of rape cases and disappearances. This part of the show is alleged to be what has made Crimewatch the least complained about programme in the history of television.
The Longest Running Con
What the general public fails to realise and see is that Crimewatch is in fact the longest running con in history. Crimewatch is perceived as being a service, it reconstructs the most bizarre and often hilarious crimes and we as viewers are asked for 'evidence'. At our expense, we are invited to call up premium rate phone lines to offer evidence to crimes that did not happen. On various occasions I have called up to give evidence on the 'Fat Bitch Cake Murder Case' was laughed down at the phone by my evidence. All other evidencees have felt the same way. CRIMEWATCH HAS BEEN MADE FOR THE SATISFACTION OF THE BBC AND NOT TO SOLVE CRIMES. DO NOT RING THEM UP.
The 2006 edition which showed a brutal club where thugs forced Avahohxa (the animal from which Quorn products are made) to fight for the purposes of gambling disturbed many viewers.
Crimewatch has courted controversy with its constant implication of Noob Saibot in numerous crimes. His mugshot is regularly featured on the programme although he is referred to by numerous aliases. Saibot has spoken out against this, pointing out that on one occasion the programme accused him of being two of the participants in the same crime. He denies any wrongdoing and is currently preparing legal proceedings against the programme.