Crimes inspired by video games

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Ever since video games became popular, politicians such as Jack Thompson, Joe Lieberman, and Hillary Clinton have repeatedly stated that they (the games, not the politicians) have caused children and teenagers to become evil criminals bent on the ruination of society. According to these politicians, playing a video game even for five minutes can turn a person into a violent lunatic. The massive numbers of so-called "devil devices" have been directly responsible for numerous crimes, and this article attempts to document all crimes inspired by video games.

This is an incomplete list. The author may have an incomplete brain. New entries are always welcome. If the list is really short on content, please commit more crimes so we can stretch the list out.


  • January 23rd - A man in New York was killed by a tennis ball thrown with high velocity at his head. The criminal claimed that he didn't think balls could go fast.


  • March 11th - Expert kidnappers hide their victims in a well designed maze. None of the victims were found because only the designer could figure his way through the twisty little passages, which were all alike.


  • Febuary 7th - Terrorists equipped with riot gear get into a shootout with police. The terrorists shot through a hole drilled into their shields; the police wisely ran away before they could be killed.


  • July 19th - A magic trick went horribly wrong. A random person was placed in a box, and was supposed to disappear from the box and appear somewhere else right before several large asteroids destroyed the box. However, the teleport was too late and he died. The magician was bankrupted by the lawsuit.


  • January 29th - A man heavily affected by a "power pellet" (slang for crack) ate four people within ten seconds. He then proceeded to eat a pretzel.
  • April 24th - An exterminator using lasers to kill insects destroyed several gardens. The exterminator was forced to pay to fix all damage done, and lost his exterminator's license.
  • June 10th - Large numbers of ICBMs were launched at the moon. The combined blast radius of the missiles was large enough to fully destroy six cities.
  • Also June 10th - A firefighter was arrested for extreme carelessness and negligence when he failed to rescue trapped citizens in a burning building. The firefighter moved his trampoline randomly because he didn't know how far the victims were going to jump out of the window.


  • October 29th - An eight-year-old child in Brooklyn kidnapped a woman and crushed three rescue workers to death with barrels.
  • November 18th - Three men were arrested for cruelty to animals after running over dozens of frogs with a car.




  • May 5th - Several vandals played a game of Tetris on the wall of a grocery store. The game, represented by graffiti, was modified rapidly using the expertise of the long-time artists. At the end of the game, the vandals left a note stating "Fuck the S pieces".
  • August 5th - An Italian man, believed to be a habitual user of hallucinogenic mushrooms, crushed several people and turtles to death by jumping on them.
  • September 8th - The first video game related shooting death occurred when a hunter, embarassed that he missed with several consecutive shots, drove around town shooting any dog that he saw. The obviously insane man swore that he heard the dogs laughing at him.
  • November 12th - A man who was frustrated by a maze he could not complete destroyed various walls of the maze using bombs.
  • November 23rd - A kidnapper who starved his victims confessed by announcing, "Wizard needs food badly!"
  • December 22ond - A Wal-Mart shoplifter was arrested when the store's manager noticed that a dog was bringing products to a man just outside the shop.


  • January 5th - A man dressed in a green suit, bearing a striking resemblance to the man arrested the previous year, begins a crime spree by breaking into various houses and inexplicably leaving without taking anything. He was said to have been followed by a midget who exclaimed "..but our princess is in another castle."
  • Feburary 3rd - A woman who was being robbed by pirates defended herself by killing the pirates with missiles. The use of missiles was deemed excessive by the courts, but before her imprisonment she recieved a large bounty for killing the infamous pirates.
  • March 1st - An arsonist burned down several trees inhabited by old men. While forced to pay for most of the burned trees, the arsonist profited from his crimes due to a few of the victims giving him money.


  • June 13th - A man was beaten to death by three men: one thief, one black belt, and one fighter. The victim fought back, but the three assailants were healed by a fourth accomplice known as a white mage.
  • August 17th - Several factories using robots as labor were shut down when the robots were stolen. The burglaries were rumored to be caused by a disgruntled employee who was laid off in favor of robots, but they were actually caused by another robot simply stealing parts from the robots and attaching them to itself.
  • July 9th - A soldier snuck into a police station with intent to kill every officer. However, he was arrested before harming anyone, because he assumed that nobody noticed him since there were no exclamation points above their heads.


  • March 27th - A farmer who was enraged that he lost a giant vegetable competition threw the large radish he grew at the judge, crushing him to death. He then picked up the contest's winner and threw him at a spectator, seriously injuring both.
  • May 4th - A man dressed as a ninja was arrested for vandalism after cutting down several light posts, claiming they contained magic potions. When his home was searched, several exploded dogs were found. When asked why he'd done it, he replied "..."


  • Janurary 23rd - A series of mines were planted in a corn field in Iowa. The amount of corn planted in an acre indicated how many mines were in adjacent acres.
  • March 13th - Several die after someone set up them the bomb. They have no chance to survive.
  • March 20th - Several mayors are busted in corruption rings for rampant and indiscriminant use of demolition tools for urban planning purposes. Many more were released for incompetence when they complained that zones only came in 3x3 blocks.
  • May 9th - A man was charged with homicide after beating over a dozen men wearing identical clothing to death, later claiming that they worked for a "mad gear." He also admitted to eating food out of garbage cans in the hopes of "restoring his health."
  • July 7th - The President is kidnapped by ninja, though he is quickly recovered by a government faction codenamed "Bad Dudes."


  • April 16th - A woman was mugged by a man who threw a turtle shell at her, causing her to pass out.
  • December 1st - A man claiming to part of the 23rd Wolfpack regiment of one of the inner system clans levelled an entire town using his PPC - He however escaped punishment by using his jumpjets.
  • December 31st - A man in a blue-tinted hedgehog costume set the Guinness World Record for Most Speeding Tickets in Twelve Hours after receiving 250 while cutting through traffic. Occasionally, he would make his car do a rolling leap over other cars, crushing anything beneath it when it landed. No people or animals were harmed, but many robots with animals trapped inside them were destroyed.


  • March 7th - A man was killed when another man fell at him from a high distance with a cape.
  • June 14th - Two men were killed when one ran into the other at an insanely high speed.
  • August 12th - Dozens of children over the world injured their peers while attempting a "sheng long" dragon punch.


  • On March 17th, Saint Patrick's Day, a murderous teenager wearing green killed seven students not wearing any green. The murders were performed using a sword modified to shoot lasers.
  • April 27th - A high school student ate his principal. He then put on the principal's clothes and ran around school attempting to punish students. In his trial, he claimed that he had authority to do this because he "copied [the principal]'s powers".
  • July 6th - One person was killed and two dozen were injured after a litterer left a banana peel on a high-traffic road.


  • Feburary 4th - A woman attempted to murder several people by freezing them, so that she could use them as platforms.
  • April 17th - Several soldiers in the US Army were found guilty of war crimes after killing Serbian citizens suspected of being orcs.
  • July 25th - An insane man was sentenced to death after moving the tectonic plates, causing a major reshaping of Earth's landmass.
  • October 21st - A man was arrested after launching a monkey out of a cannon shaped like a barrel.


  • December 21st - A terrorist attempting to destroy the planet's major cities using nuclear bombs was easily thwarted because he refused to launch the weapons before 1999.
  • December 30th - A teenager on vacation killed three people by hitting them with a baseball bat. The teen was outraged over the mediocre SHIT served at the town he was staying in, and his excessive homesickness caused him to go insane.


  • March 1st - Several owners of pets who died due to starvation were arrested for cruelty to animals. The owners unsuccessfully defended themselves on the grounds that they'd just reset the pets whenever they stopped being bored with them.
  • June 23rd - With the release of the limited editions of Spy vs. Spy and 3 Stooges, an outbreak of people having pianos dropped on them, being rolled over by steamrollers, and other bizarre incidents occurs. The next panel day however, the victims were unexplainably unharmed.
  • Dec 1st - Two teens proceeded to break into a russian nerve gas facility, then proceeded to blow it up, however one was lost int he explosion. Several years later, after the first teenager had killed many innocents using 2xGold PP7 cheat, was reunited with the other, and eventually duelled to the death in a large radar dish. This was repeated three times by the same pair.


  • Feburary 4th - A man shot down a stunt plane attempting a barrel roll, under the presumtion that it would be invincible.


  • May 13th - Laboratory mice modified to generate electricity are responsible for the shocking deaths of hundreds of people.
  • July 6th - Similarly, mice were used as carriers for bombs in an attack on the White House.


  • April 8th - A giant porcupine was sentenced to life in prison after attempting to destroy the world. Witnesses say the beast came from under the ground and started shooting fire everywhere. The destruction of Earth would have likely occured had it not been for a teenager with spiky hair, his prehistoric girlfriend, and a talking frog who subdued the monster.


  • October 20th - A murderous architect built doorless rooms with people already inside, then set them on fire. He later admitted to selling their gravestones and urns for the profit.


  • July 9th - A very large "crossover crime" occurred when a man threw fireballs at a fox who fired lasers back. Both were severely injured by a ranger who powerfully shot arrows at both. All three were killed by a surprise acid flood, which completely destroyed everything in the area except a single balloon. The balloon was declared the winner of the fight, then arrested.
  • July 23rd - A man in a leather coat burst into a bar with a handgun in either hand and shot everyone inside to death, while diving around and occasionally slowing down time to show off his moves. A woman who saw him escape said he had a "permanent, constipated grimace" on his face and constantly spewed metaphors as if he were reciting a story. He was later arrested and sentenced to 52 years in prison, even though all the victims had criminal backgrounds.


  • Novmber 19th - A man drowned fourteen people from a distance, using a water cannon worn like a backpack.


  • March 26th - A sailor who claimed to have spent 80% of his life sailing (most people agree that this is an exaggeration) was drowned to death. A man dressed as a fish had pushed him off the ship, and the wind pushed it away. The United States government immediately banned sailing when there's wind.
  • July 25th - The movie Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life was released.


  • November 5th - Thousands of people suffocated after being stuck in a sphere full of random shit. The attacker was not found until detectives used a super-powerful microscope to discover him.



  • March 22nd - A policeman was arrested by his own colleagues for possessing a stockpile of LSD and crack in his garage, costing him his badge. When asked to explain why he had so much, he said he used them everyday so he could be able to "see who the baddies are" and "perform one-hit kills."
  • April 2nd - A thief was easily caught by people because he was in possession of a large sword. He said that he used that sword because it makes him look as tough as a spiny cactus.
  • July 24th - Hillary Clinton began her murderous rampage after discovering a video game in which a character can have sex with a woman. 150 were killed before she was apprehended five days later.Template:ArticleFH
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