Creativity, action, service
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“Thus with CAS I die...”
Creativity, action, service (CAS, or SAC in Austria) is a mandatory core component of the IB Diploma Programme. It aims to provide a 'counterbalance' to the academic rigour of the educational programme for all IB students (aka "misled twats").
For a student about to embark on this journey (or simply has an interest in the sadistic)
Do a good deed! Expand your interests! Waste 150 hours of your lifetime! Use up all your free time! "Free time" can be defined as time that OTHER people have. Log it all into a little book or an MS Excel spreadsheet! This is CAS, where documentation is your best friend. CAS stands for, "Creativity, Action, Service". IBO students are challenged to try and better themselves and their community by not just wasting time on their book work, but also things such as crappy poetry, or a pile of horse shit encapsulated in a plastic bubble. This is also known in some circles as "Art".
A major component to being in the CAS program is being active, which doesn't necessarily mean going outside, so don't worry, you won't have to look at the sun, or interact with others, any time soon. Examples of this would twiddling your thumbs, bonding with your pillow, pelting the IBO building with rocks, or alternatively molotov cocktails. The choice of which would depend on whether you have been taking HL Maths or not. This is also good for service hours! Crying helplessly (but..actively) at the sad situation of your life, or rather, lack thereof is also a real go getting kind of activity that the IB program encourages. As well, participating in the complex llama mating ritual. This could also contribute to your IB Group 4 Science project, another form of a torture device from our beloved IBO.
NOTE: Due to the underlying philosophy of CAS (which they claim they have) and using an unspecified but surely unnecessarily overcomplicated procedure (which no external person to the IBO has managed to figure out as soon as the use of logic was attempted), already "active" "misfortunates" (participants of CAS) are disadvantaged. The more "active" a "misfortunate" is the more disadvantaged it is. The most "active" "misfortunates" have the least chance of coming up with an activity that the Supervisor of Lame Unnecessary Torture (SLUT, but to avoid insult it is formally known as the CAS Coordinator) accepts.
This field of CAS, is very broad and open to many different forms of service, so long as it's for free, you dumb asses. The best way is to go all out, and service the society in more ways than one; join your local whorehouse. Alternatively is your years of IB have degenerated your genitals to the point where sexual desire is no longer present (usually replaced by empathy), you could donate pillows to your entire IB class, as they need them as much as you do, or do something else that would bring tears to your mom's eyes, inspire pride in your dad's heart, and leave you feeling rosy cheeked that you have done something for mankind, animalkind, donkeykind, alienkind... just so long you weren't paid. Otherwise you're a fascist.
However if none of this interests you, you can take an alternative path, where you sleep with a few non-family members, you incestuous retard, and get them to sign a few forms.
Next, begin a novel titled "The Story of my non-existent life in the past two years thanks to IB" detailing every second of the torture inflicted upon you. Once done, await the arrival of the sodomising raging goats; you deserve it for being stupid enough to start such a program.
Here are a few ideas for CAS as put forward by the Eternal Council of International Baccalaureate:
- Repaint the Sistine chapel
- Design a new musical genre. Hours will not be awarded if said genre is in any way similar to any existing genre that has ever existed.
- Become a zombie. Write an epic poem about your experiences. Poem must not contain vowels.
- Design a torture device for IB students who did not properly cite their sources in an IA. Points will not be awarded if said torturee does not scream out the words "please kill me" at least ten times before his legs are ripped off.
- Build a doomsday device and threaten the IB staff to give you the hours or else you'll blow up the Earth.
- Do a marathon. Then do another. Repeat until 50 hours of Action have occurred, or death; whichever comes first.
- Work out until you look like Ronnie Coleman. Then parade around wearing very little.
- Play chess for 50 hours. Chess is a sport...
- Try having sex for hours on end - It's a fast, fun and easy way to get up your hours.
- Travel around the world in 80 days. Use of any type of vehicle will result in disqualification.
- Turn left and right at the same time.
- Win a Nobel Peace Prize. For more information, read the biography of Yasser Arafat entitled Destroying Zionist Pigs In Seven Easy Steps.
- Abolish World Poverty. Hours will not count if anybody helps you achieve this goal.
- Kill Dan Brown before he publishes another book. Not only will you get your CAS hours, you will have the world's gratitude.
- Bring about World Peace. Extra hours will be awarded for ushering in the 1000-year Kingdom of the Lord.
- Destroy IB with your Fiery Sword of Damnation (Attack +7)
- Give the King of IB (Cardiff) a blowjob.
- Go to some war torn country and volunteer in their military. After 50 hours, you tell them they are goners and quit (if you are still alive that is).
Cheating with CAS is fairly easy, you just need to come up with something ridiculous and write that you did it on a CAS form then forge an obviously fake signature and leave it in to your mentor. Don't worry, most IB teachers usually think you are an Angel and simply dumbfoundedly accept it or they hate CAS just as much as you do and accept it anyway.
The person, The legend
Cas, oddly enough, is the god of spite in Dungeons and Dragons. This cannot be a coincidence. Cas encourages his followers to murder and torture for their own ends...again, not a coincidence. In other words, Cas is the embodiment of evil itself, just like IB. Come on, it's not a coincidence.
- ↑ A plan of torture worse than chocolate deprivation.