Crazy, Loopy & Un-British
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“I’ll get ye!”
“You’re talking to me? Great, no-one ever listens to me, I feel very strongly about…”
“My favourite pastime is slapping bulldogs.”
Crazy, Loopy & Un-British are the arch-enemies of Snap, Crackle & Pop. As such they fight against everything Snap, Crackle & Pop stand for, namely nutritious rice-based cereal, they are much more fond of corn and wheat based cereals to the point where they have become fanatical about it and are hell-bent on the annihilation of their rivals.
In 1994 Crazy, Loopy & Un-British shocked the World by declaring a war on rice-based cereals everywhere, this culminated in the unfortunate and rather gruesome “Ricicles” massacre of 1998 which resulted eventually in a treaty being drawn up between the two parties and overseen by NATO securing the future of cereals based on rice, corn and wheat (and bran, but no-one cares about bran).
This treaty, known as the Breakfast Agreement prohibits direct military action between the opposing factions (although everyone is free to attack bran, no-one really even likes bran); however the tactics employed by both sides are now more underhand with all operations being carried out covertly. Throughout this conflict Tony “the Tiger” Balboa has chosen to remain neutral, refusing to give support to either side, although some speculate that this is simply due to him being too preoccupied with the subsequently declared war on bran.
Crazy is the eldest of the brothers and was their leader until he was apprehended by the authorities attempting to buy babies off eBay to train from birth as his army of evil. He is a known cannibal and is considered extremely dangerous, he has escaped from prison twice in the past and the authorities won’t be surprised if he does it again. His weapon of choice is his own teeth and his favourite animal is the wombat.
Loopy is the middle brother and suffers from an affliction which makes him unable to colour-coordinate his clothing (hence the appalling dress sense). Other than that he is relatively un-noteworthy and is often overlooked.
Un-British is the youngest of the three brothers and as such rebelled somewhat more than his siblings as a teenager, choosing to dress entirely in black with the exception of his fez (which is red; all fez’s are red, if it’s not red it’s not a proper fez). Much to the dismay of his parents he adorned his walls with posters of his idol, Saddam Hussein and grew a moustache in an attempt to be more like his childhood hero. His weapon of choice are dual Uzis and his favourite season is autumn. As well as being obsessed with the annihilation of rice-based cereals, Un-British is also vehemently anti-British, a truly startling coincidence given his name. He has made it a personal mission of his to destroy queues, pies and rugby wherever it may be found in an attempt to crush the moral spirit of Brits.