5 Things Cracked Stole From Uncyclopedia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
5. Encyclopedic humor
Cracked.com is easily one of the more well-known humor sites on the internet. We've been eating and choking on their dust since 1958 when they made their internet debut. Though the sites' styles of humor are very different, as Uncyclopedia prefers jokes which contain as many references to grues and Oscar Wilde as possible, and Cracked prefers opinionated and pretentious lists, Cracked has noticeably been ripping off Uncyclopedia's great ideas.
Take, for example, that they now have a section of the site which covers topics by any name. These articles cover any subject in an encyclopedic and humorous manner. Sound like anyone you know? "No"? What do you mean "No"? Here are some comparisons of Uncyclopedia and Cracked's articles on Adolf Hitler:
|As a young patriot, Hitler joined the ||In 1914, Hitler volunteered for the Bavarian Army in World War I...|
|Needless to say, Germany drew the short straw, was assigned the guilt, forced to pay war reparations and sell its children into slavery.||The Versailles Treaty ended the war and blamed Germany for pretty much everything. Germany was stripped of much of its territory, forced to disarm and was also forced to pay reparations leaving millions unemployed.|
Cracked's "writers" can't even seem to get their own material or facts. And they're not even being discreet about copying our facts, which we deliberately copied from Wikipedia, which Wikipedia recycled as a secondhand source of information, which some historians confirmed through records from the time. It's no surprise though that a recent UnNews research poll found Uncyclopedia to have more funny and facts than Cracked. The ratio of facts to jokes on Uncyclopedia is around a solid 1:1. On Cracked, it's about a 0:0, because they're not funny and they don't tell you anything you didn't already know. I mean really, everyone knows what the six most bogus conspiracy theories are. I don't need some unfunny geek telling me about the Bermuda Triangle or those Holocaust hoax theories. And you know what? There's no point in writing an article about the errors of Hollywood plot details. It's Hollywood. Bruce Willis movies and sci-fi flicks aren't supposed to make sense. Picking on Hollywood's computer science errors in sci-fi movies is like asking a student with Down's syndrome to write an article on 19th century Russian literature and then failing them for misspelling "Dostoyevsky".
4. The teenage and young adult demographic
Though Uncyclopedia currently dominates the preteen and small children demographic, there was once a time when Uncyclopedia also dominated the young adult and teenage demographic. This was mostly due to Uncyclopedia's abundance of porn and above average women during its formative years. When Uncyclopedia got rid of the porn, with it went this valuable demographic. Cracked.com stumbled onto the scene around this time. Prior to becoming part of a shitty Mad Magazine spin-off, the domain name "www.cracked.com" was a porn and repairs website which competed with Uncyclopedia in the bizarre porn genre of cluteal cleft fetishism and sidewalk repair service listings.
When the site switched over to Cracked.com's current format, a majority of its fanbase and community stuck around. This is perhaps one explanation for Cracked's prominent use of butt and rectum jokes. There is still no reasonable explanation for the site's content largely being written by a community of dick joke purveyors.
3. Being on the internet as a humor site
Uncyclopedia has had a persistent internet presence for a very long time. I assume we've been on the internet longer than Cracked.com has been, which means they stole our idea of bringing funny to the internet. Although they're not a parody of Wikipedia as all good humor sites nowadays are, they're certainly a heavyweight contender for the title of Most Hilarious Website Ever. They're up against some stiff competition though, like Basil Marceaux.com and Uncyc, all striving to get that title fight against the champion, Conservapedia.
2. Use of pictures
Uncyclopedia was the first website on the internet to use pictures. It set the standard for graphics and media in picture form which, prior to its inception, made the internet a boring wasteland of text and ASCII art. It is a well known fact that the first picture on the internet was Uncyclopedia's logo, Sophia. Uncyclopedia also designed the first animated GIFs, which were originally meant to simply be decorative, flashy hearts and stars for Uncyclopedia's MySpace profile.
It's also a well known fact that Cracked has a group of internet spies hired to steal ideas from funny and popular websites like Uncyclopedia and ZomboCom, so it came as no surprise when Cracked started using pictures. They mostly use them to illustrate really bad Family Guy non sequiturs. This is unlike Uncyclopedia, where pictures are used for their relevance to the subject at all times.
Then Uncyclopedia decided to up their game and use things called captions for the pictures. Cracked went ahead and stole that idea too. To analogize the insult we felt, imagine it like this: it was as if D.B. Cooper were to not only hijack the plane and steal the money, but survived the parachuting, took a nice shit on the money using the largest notes as toilet paper, and then left for the authorities to find the stolen money which would be covered in excrement. Then he went and fucked the FBI director's mother, wife, sister, daughter, and son in the ass. The Aristocrats! We are that FBI director, especially if the FBI director had the idea to shit on the money and fuck his entire family before D.B. Cooper did.
1. My bike
David Wong, the Senior Editor of Cracked, stole my bicycle several years ago. We grew up in the same neighborhood in Mound, Chicago. Back then we knew him as Jason Pargin (before he became Asian). He asked to borrow my bike one time. I was a bit hesitant to let him use it, since he never returned my Rubik's cube or the copy of my dad's Playboy that we found. Nonetheless, I gave in and told him he could borrow my bike under the condition that he brought it back with my dad's magazine.
Well, he fucked me over, because he forgot to tell me that his family was moving. Two days later, my Huffy, my Rubik's cube, and my dad's centerfold of Margaret Thatcher are in New York. Total fucking bastard. Don't EVER let David Wong borrow your bike.