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“I prefer bullbell, but cowbell's cool too...I guess...”
“Please Sir, may I have some more?”
“That's what she said”
“In Soviet Russia, cowbell needs more YOU!!”
“I got a FEVER! And the only PRESCRIPTION, is more COWBELL!”
“I recommend cowbell to all my patients suffering from a fever.”
“You need to get excited about cowbell!!”
“George Bush does not care about cowbell.”
“Cowbell is grrrrrrrrrreat!!”
“A good man once said Enough Cowbell, but now he's dead”
You're going to want that cowbell on the track!
The Cowbell is one of the several surgical instruments used in an orchestra. It is an extremely popular instrument, despite the fact that it is extremely hard to play. Failure to operate a cowbell correctly can be fatal.
Cowbells: The Untold Story
'Guess WHAT? I got a fever! and the only prescription... is more cowbell!'
Will Ferrel hates cowbell
Recently, it has been told that Will Ferrel hates cowbell and that he wishes that he would have never made such a skit. Unfortunately he died before he could announce it publically
Cowbells started off simply enough. They were merely a device placed around a cow's neck, assisting farmers in cattle-oriented classical music orchestrations, but seeing as how cows walk rather slowly, the bells made little noise and thus were mostly useless. As a result, they were removed from common usage on the 16th of March, 1862.
Cowbells 2: 2 Minutes To Cowbells
After a few months, fuckin all the hippies participating in this ritual had been killed, and celebration ensued. Cowbells were used as the main instrument at the hailing ceremony. Afterwards, most cowbells were placed on mantlepieces to remind farmers of how they had saved cow lives and prevented Hippies from spreading, like the diseased beatnick fungus they are.
Cowbells III: Evolution
After several good long hours sitting on mantles, cowbells have evolved into suprisingly efficient oxygen converters. They take in carbon dioxide, and release oxygen, in a process scientists refer to as the sherpa effect. Because of this evolution in cowbells, humans no longer saw a continuing need for trees, and all trees have been expurgated from earth, making room for mini-malls, parking lots, and most of New Jersey.
Cowbells VII: Disk 3
This is when the mighty bow bell with his mighty buster sword attack the evil Chickens in hopes of defeating it. When they fail, the earth starts to deteriorate because of the spell meteor that the Chickens cast. The Previously fallen Cowbellete did a spell from beyond the grave meteor is stopped and Cowbell with this buster sword stab the chicken lord in the eye the word is saved but the Dope is gone forever from the planet.
Cowbells and Today
In today's society, although cowbells support all forms of life, only a few expertly skilled people throughout the world still practice the art of cowbellery. In 2002, Dick Cheney promised to rectify the situation, but politicians often promise far more than they can deliver, and this was no exception. Cowbells are somewhat in use as weapons of terror in militant Marching bands
As of January 12, 2009, cowbells are produced exclusively in 3 countries:
- Tibet (North of China)
- Austria (West of New Zealand)
- Switzerland (Contrary to popular belief, Switzerland is not a fictional country, most people just never see it, as it floats high up in the air on a huge piece of delicious chocolate-coated cheese. Their penchant for cukoo clocks is admirable. And downright silly.)
When Cowbells Go Wrong: The Untold Story!
In 1928, Cowbells had truly hit the mainstream. Unfortunately, people had no idea what lay in store for them....
Believing that cowbells were harmless devices serving America's needs, little attention was paid them, and over a 200 year period cowbells had developed a dangerous but undetected abberation within their genetic code (1920's medicine wasn't all that great, what with their holographic doctor programs and all, often forced to stand in for real doctors). Cowbells had begun to develop Mad Cowbell Disease, and when it was realised with finality, the damage had already been done. Thousands lay dead upon Wall Street, the Stock Market crashed, and the United Spades of Amerika was plunged into the worst depression ever seen since Paris Hilton gave up her plans to get breast-augmentation for some 36D's, and go full time into low budget porn. The bitch.
Essentially, Mad Cowbell Disease had turned hundreds of surviving humans into flesh-eating Zombies, many of whom now work in Food Service industries, as well as filling positions within the various Department of Motor Vehicles in countries across the world.
But what happens you might ask, (or possibly you might not ask) when an expert cowbell player gets picky on just how much cowbell is needed?
Close your eyes, scroll down, and pray you aren't deafened by the noise.
Adding more cowbell
Technically, it is impossible to add cowbell to a digital text document such as this. But for the sake of humor, somehow it was done. Note the precision and delicacy of the words that abolish the horrid gif of some random hick gonging a cowbell. cowbellcowbellcowbellcowbellcowbell. Somehow, it works. And that works for Ahnold Schwarzenegger.
I forgot what I was about to say.
Getting rid of cowbell
Similar to adding cowbell, instead of repeating a word time and time again, to reduce cowbell you need to get off your lazy ass and actually go to edit page and delete the over-use of the 'magic sentence.' this handy hint was brought to you by the Governator of California, don't edit me if you want to live.
- The only thing to ever exist that does not need more cowbell is the man known as Herman Li. It has been proven that he was born with a cowbell in his colon, so to have any more cowbell would cause a spleen injury only repairable by Michael Moore.