Cowation

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Cowation
Elvis Costello pre- and post-cowation.

The process by which a person becomes a cow for no good reason. First they're just standing there, like a normal person, then they start to moo, then they become cows.

It sounds like this: "Hi, Fred. Oh, uh oh! I'm cowating! Mooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Somebody who studies cowation is called a Cowationologyst

History of Cowation

The first instances of cowation took place in the year 3513 A.C. (After Cheese) Some people were minding their own business, and then they cowated. It was pretty bad, because those people happened to be Richard Nixon and Henry Kissinger and they accidentally pressed the button that drops the nuclear bomb on China. But afterward everybody was cool with that because cows are stupid.

The next year, cowation struck in mass numbers as the entire country of Albania (and some nearby portions of Yugoslovenia) simultaneously cowated. Very few people noticed. They could have, but they couldn't "handle it."

Cowation still has a prominent part of United States politics today, as whenever a politician gets caught lying, he can become a cow and then everybody will be cool with that because cows are stupid.

Recent Cowation Sightings

  • "Once, at a bus stop, I saw a guy cowate just like that. It was cool." ~ Oscar Wilde

Scientific Explanation for Cowation

Cowation takes place a certain hydrocarbon in human blood -- called "cowane" -- gets really agitated and starts typing obscene letters to celebrities, such as Bob Barker or Jennifer Lopez. It then bonds with another similar hydrocarbon called "cowene", and turns the person into a cow.

Argument for Cowation

  • Cows are cool!

Argument against Cowation

  • Cows are dumb.

George W. Bush's Stance

  • "I eat cow!" ~ George W. Bush
    • Editor's note: Careful, George, if you keep eating so much cow, you might cowate.

If I were a cow...

  • I would moo
  • I would smell
  • I would be a brown cow
    • ... or perhaps I would be spotted and monochrome, like some sort of "Holstein"
  • I would produce milk, which could theoretically be made into cheese
  • I will be a cow, when I Cowate!
    • "That's the positive thinking spirit! You go, boi! It's your birthday!" -- Anthony "Richard "Oscar Wilde" Simmons" Robbins

Common, Avoidable Causes of Cowation

Don't:

  • Eat cow
  • Drink cow
  • Sniff cow
  • Smoke cow
  • Huff cow

Some Final Thoughts

Cowation is bad. It might be the "cool thing to do," but it's really not a good idea, if you value your hominidity.

(Unless you really want to be a cow, in which case, all of Uncyclopedia encourages you to go for it!)

"Oh, damn! I've got udders again!" ~ Oscar Wilde

See Also

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